Rules For My 16-Year Old This Summer

Motherhood is an evolution because as the kids change, we parents have to tweak our parenting skills to coincide with whatever stage they're in. For example, a few years ago I wrote a popular post entitled “6 Rules To Help The Teen & I This Summer”. My son is now a few weeks away from turning 16 and, despite his best efforts, was unable to secure either a job or even a volunteer opportunity this season, since most places won't even consider hiring anyone who's 15 (I'm sure there's a reason for this, but Hey Volunteer Organizations: This policy sucks! He's a great kid who would have been an asset to your nursing home, animal shelter, etc.). While I'm giddy that Junior is around this vacation, I've once again, had to adjust the parameters for his 10 weeks or so off since his level of maturity is far different than it was a few years ago. 

This is an image off Pixabay - it's not my teen.

So are are my original 6 Rules For My Teen, plus a few I've added to help my adolescent and I thrive while he's around:

1. You must tell me where you're going and check in with me periodically. Whereas before, I wanted to know your route, that's no longer necessary. You're almost 6' tall and know the whole child abduction drill. Still, I want to know what your ultimate destination is, whether it's the pizza parlor, friend's house, etc. 
   
   
2. You must respond on your cellphone when I call or text me back. When you were 13, the rule was you had to always have his cellphone on you (and charged) because you'd just gotten it. Now it's basically a part of your body. But you've got to answer and/or text back, otherwise, I worry. This, of course, implies that I won't pester you with questions, check-ins, etc. which I do not. 
   
   
3. You pay for the bulk of your entertainment. You get an allowance. Pay for your own excursions (to restaurants, waterparks, etc.). If you don't have the money, we'll work it out.
   
   
4. Figure out what you need and bring it. Water bottles, sunscreen, a swimsuit, towels – pack ahead of time and if you forget it, consider it a learning experience.
   
   
5. Your friends are welcome to come over, but there must be an “ending time” to their visits. A few years back, we had several kids who came in the morning and didn't leave until well into the night, despite being told what time their parents should pick them up. I love your friends, but the shear number of those open-ended visits threw the family off.
   
   
6. If you makes future plans, let us know about them. Summertime is still, to some degree, family time and we'd like to see him, especially on the weekends. We all have the Cozi Family Calendar app on our smartphones (it allows all parties to see and adjust the family calendar) so there should be no confusion about events that are coming up; these events include your own plans which are to be respected by your dad and me.
   

Additional rules for my soon-to-be 16 year-old:

7. We need to limit the larger friend gatherings. During the school year, you have upwards of 10 kids coming here on Friday nights. While I WANT THEM HERE, having such a large number of teens here a few times a week strains the family budget. Have one or two kids over a few times a week, but the larger hang-outs are still limited to once per week.
   
   
8. You've got to work around the house. Yes, your choreload has increased for the summer, of course, because you're around more; no, you're not getting a larger allowance for this. Some things you're just expected to do because you're part of the family. But there are a few projects we need done like painting the front door, de-cluttering the garage, etc. that that you're perfectly capable of doing – for an additional price. Similarly, you've agreed to give your sister music lessons which I LOVE because it's a time that you're having fun together without video. 
   
   
9. Sometimes, get yourself from place to place. I am not Uber. I don't mind driving you somewhere if I happen to be going in that direction, but the concept of “pick me up here and take me there” is not happening. If I'm in a good mood, I may assist with part of the journey, but our town is small, your pals are relatively close, and your legs work. Use them either to walk or pedal that wonderful adult bike we got you a few years back. Similarly, I am not your friends' taxi. If Mike wants to come over, let him find a way to do it – I'm not picking him up (and yes, I've had parents who work ask me if I can ferry their kids about). 
   
   
10. You are now responsible for his own pool badge, health club card, library card, etc. Mommy is not the keeper of these articles any more. It's time to carry a wallet with these cards in it along with cash for incidentals. 
    
    
11. Friends do not belong in your bedroom. Adolescence is a time of exploration. While your buddies friends are great, they're still teens and no one is going to try drugs or alcohol on my watch if I can help it. As for girls – there's no WAY they're setting foot in your bedroom! Our house is big enough where y'all can hang in the den. There's no reason for your hommies to explore other recreational rooms.
    
    
12. You can wait on your friends and clean up after they leave. This is part of hosting. Kid, you ask your friends what they want to drink and get it for them. I'll buy the snacks, but you serve. He also needs to clear dishes and vacuum the rug (for crumbs) once they leave. To your credit, as soon as the door closes on the last kid, you're on Clean Up Duty without any prompting from me. 
    
    

Parents, sure, a lot of these rules are common sense, however, putting them out there, discussing them ahead of time, means fewer arguments. Next year, when my son is driving, I'll drop some of guidelines because he won't need reminding and add others pertaining to the car. 

The car....oh Lord! Stay tuned, readers. More advice on teens coming up shortly as Junior gets his Permit. 

Why Teens Should Be At Your House & How To Make It Teen-Friendly

The volume is deafening.  Think sporting-event loud. Nine teens are squeezed into my tiny den playing video games. They laugh, yell, and the occasional curse word invades the air. They're having a ball! Better yet, my son (somewhere in their midst) is beaming. This happens almost every Friday night – a gathering, dinner, late departures. My husband, getting tired of the cost to feed this pack, asked, “Why are they always HERE?” Answer:

We WANT The Teenagers At Our Place!

Here's Why

You WANT Your Teen At Your House!

1. At this age, your kid is largely who his peers are. Without the intimacy of grammar school and the connections you make on the blacktop, you don't know who your teen is hanging with, who he's influenced by. Actually SEEING and meeting these people is invaluable. You can get a sense of what a kid is like, especially if you hang back and surreptitiously watch and listen to them interact.
   
   
   
   
2. When friends' parents pick up, you get a chance to meet and chat them up. Getting a sense of someone's family values is important and will make you feel easier when your kid goes over their house.
   
   
   
   
3. You can get a sense of how those friends treat others. Junior's little sister will sometimes hang with the teens for a bit (until I call her out). We've had boys make fun of Lily and treat her roughly (push her out of the way, etc.). I was not happy and made sure that my son stood up for his little sister in the future. Conversely, there have been friends of Junior's who have offered to play with Lily, helped her with homework, and been quite kind to her. I LOVE those kids!
   
   
   
   
4. It gives your child a chance to act the role of Host which is important socially. Responsibilities include offering friends drinks, snacks, serving dinner, and seeing their friends out with the polite “thank you for coming.”
   
   
   
   
5. It's rewarding. My kids have more friends than I ever had at this age. These are people he sees at school and chats with online. In some ways, they're an extension of our family.
   
   

There have to be rules for when Teens (or anyone) visits

Now, in order for these gatherings to happen, I've set some Ground Rules

1. I have to know, in advance, approximately how many people are coming. This is a practical thing since I need to know how much food to have on hand. I've put out 5 bags of chips and found them gone in 10 minutes. These kids can eat!
   
   
   
   
2. There has to be a set departure time. We've had kids come and leave way too late, to the point where either my husband or I had to stay up just to keep an eye on things. That doesn't happen anymore.
   
   
   
   
3. Junior know he has to clean up as soon as his guests depart.   That means vacuuming the den, cleaning up errant plates, cups, etc., and taking out the kitchen garbage. 
   
   
   
   
4. When my daughter is around, the boys CANNOT curse. Yeah, once in a while a forbidden word flies out, but most kids are immediately apologetic. 
   
   

So HOW can you make your house 

Teen Friendly? 

1. Give them space. I wish we had a dedicated space for them, but we don't. So they gather in the den and I basically leave them alone. They don't want me in there except to deliver snacks and I respect that.
   
   
   
   
2. Have LOTS of snacks and drinks on hand. Paper cups  and plates are a MUST and if you don't want to wash bowls for snacks, buy some disposable aluminum baking pans. 
   
   
   
   
3. Make dinner simple. We go through frozen pizza like it's water. Other popular dishes include macaroni and cheese (CHEAP!!!), pasta, and tacos made in the crockpot.
   
   
   
   
4. Keep your Wifi password handy. They're going to want to log into your Wifi – place it on a piece of paper so they can pass it around. It's easier than repeating it ad nauseum.
   
   
   
   
5. Limit sibling interference. Lily can hang with them for about 5 minutes before I usher her from the room. 
   
   

There's nothing better than seeing my teen (this is not him) happy!

Having a group of teens over is loud, messy, and ultimately, a lot of fun. These gatherings create wonderful memories for my son and I cherish the smile on his face when I see him with his friends. Best of all, I know what he's up to when he's home. 

Our kids grow up in the blink of an eye. Cherish your time around them and BE the place they want to hang.

Thanks for reading!  

The Tricky Birthday Party Question: What Would YOU Do?

In the midst of planning my daughter's 10^th birthday party, which means going in to school to lead a craft, orchestrating a family luncheon, AND dealing with all the details to insure that Lily's actual party is a rousing success, I received this email this morning:

Dear Linda,

I hope all is well. Someone just asked me to carpool to Lily's party and I realized that Maggie never got an invite. I assume it was an oversight as the girls have been playing a lot at school. I know Maggie would be upset if she was not there as she enjoyed having Lily at her party in June.

Delilah

I paused in the midst of a gulp of coffee.

That email unearthed a lot of feelings:

1. Shock that someone would actually have the NERVE to question why her kid was potentially left off the guest list.
2. A little bit  of sadness that the kid would be hurt that she hadn't been invited.  Interestingly enough, since she wasn't even on Lily's first invitee list, apparently Lily doesn't consider Maggie a close friend.
3. The question of whether parties are, in fact, tit-for-tat endeavors.
   
   
   
   

I posed the question to a friend of mine. He took the “inclusion” line, as in, if you can't invite everyone, don't invite anyone at all. That seems silly, since there's no way in hell I can afford to invite EVERY kid that Lily knows from gymnastics, school, Sunday School, Student Council, etc. If I did that, my kid would never have a party. Inviting her entire class is silly since she doesn't like everyone in her class and, Maggie isn't even in Lily's class. 

Then I asked some friends. They unanimously JUMPED on the “too bad for Maggie – she's going to have to learn she doesn't get invited to EVERY event, won't get EVERY promotion, and will have to learn to deal with disappointment” soap box.  Interesting perspective.

Finally, I asked myself if I would ever send an email like that. 

The answer is “no.” Honestly, I would never have the gall to ask why my child wasn't invited to something!  If my child doesn't get invited to something, that saves me one more present to buy. Lily, in talking about it with her many times, understands that people don't get invited for LOTS of reasons including the fact that some people have family parties without friends invited, many of us have monetary constrains, and sometimes you're just not close friends with people you used to be tight with.

Delilah, being the savvy mom I know she is, is well aware that if you don't get an RSVP for an invitation, you call and/or email the parent for a follow-up. The fact that I didn't contact her told her that Maggie wasn't invited. 

Could I invite one more kid? Our venue set a base number of attendees at 20; if I go above that, the cost increases. Could we pull it off? Sure, but then it wouldn't be fair to all the OTHER kids we didn't invite.

So I took a deep breath and crafted the following response to Delilah:

Dear Delilah:

While Maggie is certainly a close, cherished friend of Lily's, due to a  limited budget, we were unable to invite her. I hope you understand and that the girls can continue to be friends.

Linda

Knowing Maggie and Lily, they'll continue to play together. If Maggie brings it up, Lily will explain that we just couldn't invite any more people.

I suspect that Delilah's email was prompted by her own sense that a wrong was committed and that she holds the “we invite you to a party, so you have to invite us” or tit-for-tat view of parties. And perhaps she doesn't want to deal with Maggie's disappointment at not being invited.

Bummer.  It's her issue not mine. 

Disappointment is a part of life that many parents are shielding their kids from. Lily has had to deal with it and now Maggie will be learning a life lesson. As for me, I'm going back to the hustle and bustle of my daughter's “birthday weekend.” 

What would you have done had you received an email like that? Please – let me know!

What You MUST Know About Your Children's Friends And Why

Tis the season when children are finishing the school year and getting ready to embark on a summer full of activities and new friends. Of course, friendships are important and rewarding, but think about the powerful influence friends have over children. Undesirable behaviors and language are contagious as are concerns about body image and eating. Bullying can also rear its ugly head, even amongst “friends.” 

So here's what you need to know about your kid's peers and why:

1. How they behave when they're with your child.  
   Observe the interaction between the kids, especially when they think you're not watching or listening. One of my daughter's friends threatened to “tell your mom on you” when the child was at my house. This later turned into a bullying issue that manifested itself at school. Listen for inappropriate language and whether they try to get around your House Rules. (Note: You can also learn a lot about YOUR child when you listen to them play with their friends.)
   
   
   
   
   
   
2. Who their parents are. What are their parenting styles and values? Do they smoke or let their
   kids do things you wouldn't let your kid do (run wild in the neighborhood, watch/listen to inappropriate media, etc.)?
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
3. How they interact with you. Is the child polite and respectful of adults? Does the child have manners? I've had kids go into my refrigerator and start rummaging through, looking for a snack. Others have demanded food instead of asking. And one kid decided to swing off a curtain rod (she didn't come back here again). Remember that behaviors spread and, honestly, I have NO problem reprimanding a guest.
   
   
   
   
4. Who your child's friends' other friends are. You can tell a lot about a person by the company they keep. Do they hang out with snobby kids or an older, faster crowd?
   
   
   
   
5. What kind of student your child's friend is. If the friend is one who believes in working hard and getting their homework done, it can inspire your child to do their best, too. But, if the friend hates school and slacks off, that will also influence your kid. 
   
   
   
   
   
6. Whether there are other family members or visitors in the child's household that you need to be aware of. This is especially true if your kid is having a playdate or going over the other person's house. Are there older siblings who might exhibit inappropriate behavior? Is there a nanny who will be taking care of the kids? One mother didn't tell me that she wouldn't be home for a playdate and that the nanny would be taking care of the kids. Since I didn't know the nanny, I was not okay with that!
   
   

When in doubt about the friend's family, try to get to know them by staying for a playdate or asking about them. I invite parents to come and stay! I get to know them and they see that we don't have any drugs, firearms, etc. around the house. One woman told me she'd asked around before letting her son come to play. I thought that was BRILLIANT and praised her for it. 

Friends have a powerful influence over our kids. 

Children are exposed to new ideas, values, and behaviors as a result of those relationships. By knowing as much as possible about who our children are hanging with, we can protect and teach our children what WE value and what needs to be left behind.

Gaucher Disease Isn't Getting THIS Kid Down! Meet Allie

The relationship started in preschool with an invitation, “Wanna play?” Allie, a human dynamo with an incredible joi de vivre, started playing with my daughter and, fast forward five years, they still enjoy each others company. It doesn’t matter to either child that Allie has Gaucher disease.

Allie with one of her many friends.

Gaucher Disease results from a deficiency of the enzyme glucocerebrosidase in the body and is caused by a genetic mutation received from both parents (source: www.gaucherdisease.org), most commonly Jewish people of Eastern and Central European descent (Ashkenazi). This deficit leads to the accumulation of certain lipids in Gaucher cells. When the cells become too large, they prevent certain organs, like the liver and spleen, from working as they should. According to mayoclinic.org, “the fatty substances associated with Gaucher’s disease also can build up in bone tissue. This weakens the bone and increases the risk of fractures.” If the bone marrow is affected, it interferes with blood clotting. The disease runs the gamut from presenting no outward symptoms to skeletal problems, liver or spleen damage, bleeding, severe disability and death.


After years of infertility testing, Allie’s parents knew that they were both carriers, but with only a 25 percent chance of having a child with the disease and medications readily available, they took a chance and started a family. Still, when Allie went to the doctor for a suspected urinary tract infection and the doctor mentioned that she had an enlarged spleen (one of the symptoms), Allie’s mother, Elisa, perked up. Elisa told the doctor that both she and her husband were Gaucher carriers. Subsequent tests confirmed the diagnosis.

Gaucher disease, especially the type Allie has (Type 1) is treatable with medications effective at relieving some of the symptoms and even reversing some of the effects.

Gaucher disease, especially the type Allie has (Type 1) is treatable with medications effective at relieving some of the symptoms and even reversing some of the effects. While the initial treatments were long and the placing of a permanent port in her side was, as her mother says, “traumatic” for the youngster, thankfully, Allie only has to receive two 90-minute treatments twice a month. Nurses come to the house to administer her medication and Elisa says Allie’s reaction when she’s told she has to receive her treatment is “Really? Again?” To her, it’s no big deal.

 
And that’s what Elisa and her husband are letting people know. The family has adopted a positive attitude and makes sure Allie doesn’t receive any special attention, especially from her two older brothers who have tested negative for Gaucher’s. The radiant, little dynamo remains active and, in fact, doctors have explained that being physically active helps the condition. The only thing that’s different for Allie is that sometimes she wears a pad over her port to protect it – otherwise, life goes on.



Allie is very open about having Gaucher’s, has done presentations at school about it and actively participates in fundraisers. She recently met another little girl in the area who was just recently diagnosed with the disease and the two became fast friends. Elisa hopes the two can grow up together and share their experiences.

To her, it’s no big deal.

So what’s the prognosis? Gaucher’s is a lifelong condition and the now-third grader wilrl always be monitored and have follow-up bone density tests. She has earned her mother’s admiration by her proactive approach to the condition. Other than that, Elisa emphasizes that she’s “just Allie, a fun, energetic kid” not “Allie, who has Gaucher’s disease.” And to my daughter, she’s just “Allie, my friend.”

And to my daughter, she’s just “Allie, my friend.”   ♥

For more information, visit http://www.gaucherdisease.org.

~~


Please note:  this article first appeared on www.thegeekparent.com.

5 Ways To Savor The Last Weeks Of Summer

Suck it up, Kids.  You're going!

As yet another Summer winds down, I'm in a last-minute dash to get some of my “Must-Dos” off my list. It's not going to be easy this week because Junior is down with a fever, but here's what's on my list and what you might want to do for the next two weeks before school starts:

1. Drag the kids to the pool as much as possible. Inevitably, the cool weather we're now having in the Northeast will subside and hot-hot weather will come back to this area, ironically enough, just as the town pool closes. Sure, the kids claim they're all “pooled out,” but once they see that “Closed For The Season” sign, they'll be wishing they'd gone more often.
   
   
2. See as many out-of-town friends as possible. Those are the people we won't be running into at the grocery store or local functions and we may not see them for quite a while once school begins.  Now is the time to have them visit.
   
   
    
   
   
    
3. Get the maximum use out of sandals, flip-flops and shorts. They won't be fitting the kids next year.
   
   
4. Sit out in the backyard and savor these warm evenings. It's already getting darker earlier in the evening and once school starts, there won't be any time to enjoy the lawn chairs and leaf-free grass. Do it now before you wind up packing the cushions and umbrella in for the Fall.
   
   
5. Greedily bite into the fruits of summer while they're still local. Watermelon, peaches, cherries, cantaloupe are especially delicious this season. Sure, I can get them “imported from Chile,” but why wait when they're harvested nearby?
   
   
    

The leaves are just beginning to turn colors and soon the pool bag will be put away and the backpacks taken out. Schedules will get tight as, once again, the seasons of our lives change. It's time to “seize the moment” and grab the last bits of Summer while we still can!

What are you going to do to savor the last moments of Summer? I'd really like to know! 

~~

Thanks for reading!  Enjoy the day!  

6 Rules To Help The Teen & I This Summer

The loves of my life!

 As Summer Vacation begins next week, my thoughts are turning, ironically, to rules. Although my 13-year old son will be spending his mornings working as a Counselor-In-Training at our town's day camp, much of the rest of his days will be spent with his buddies. Sure, they'll spend a bit of time here and at their houses, but a good portion of his Summer will be spent out...in the wilds of our town...away from me....his mommy (Sob! Sob!). For my sanity, and his safety, he and I have agreed to the following Summer Rules:

1. He must tell me where he's going and check in with me periodically. No “walking the town” or hanging at the 7-Eleven. I should know his route, method of travel (on foot or bike), and destination.  Fortunately, Junior is really good at this.  Unfortunately, his friends can be a bit ditzy and he may get distracted. 
2. He must have his cellphone on him at all times. Said device must be ON, charged, and he's got to answer it. If I cannot reach him, with the understanding that I will not call him incessantly, I will search for him at his friends' houses and his usual hangouts. I will bring with me his loud, annoying little sister (who lives to torment him) and baby pictures of him; I will also have my hair in curlers and, possibly, cold cream on my face. In other words, if I cannot find him, I will hunt him down and embarrass the crackers out of him, all in the name of safety and love.
3. He is to pay for the bulk of his own entertainment. Last year, he expected me to be his bank account. Sure, I'll give him some money, but the bulk of his excursions will be funded by him. Now, dear Reader, before you feel sorry for the boy, I will tell you that the kid made a good amount of money umpiring for our local Little League and pulled in more income than I, his freelancer Mother, made all year. He can afford to bankroll his Summer.
4. He is to figure out and pack whatever he needs. Water bottles, sunscreen, a swimsuit, towels – these are for him to bring. I will not be reminding him or packing a backpack.
5. His friends are welcome to come over, but there must be an “ending time” to their visits. Last year, we had several kids who came in the morning and didn't leave until well into the night, despite being told what time their parents should pick them up. I love his friends, but the shear number of those open-ended visits threw the family off.
6. If he makes future plans, I must know about them. Summertime is still, to some degree, family time and we'd like to see him, especially on the weekends.

I know the kid needs his independence and that it's normal that he's going to want to spend time with his friends. And I know that hanging with Mommy and his little sister aren't that much fun. But I'm also aware that Junior is going off to college in a mere four years and that my time with him is precious and limited. Hopefully, the rules above will give us both balance and help to make the next two months fantastic.

Good-bye school! Hello Summer Vacation!

--

Thank you for reading!  Please visit my other blog, Mom's Crayon, too!

The Teen's New Year's Eve Sleepover – Party Prep 101

A few weeks ago, Junior asked us for permission to have a New Year's Eve Sleepover. My first reaction was, “Good!” because I am quite aware that I'll only have a few more New Year's Eves with him before he prefers to go out with his friends. His dad and I also agreed because the boys been hanging with this year are a nice group of kids who tolerate assaults from Diva with kindness and patience. Plus, if it's within our power to make our son happy, we do it.


The norm for Junior's sleepovers is that the kids bring their laptops and spend most of their time playing on their computers. They do this every night anyway via Skype, so it's nice to see them having face-time whenever they can outside of school. “What can I do,” I asked, “to make this party extra-special since it is New Year's Eve?” My son thought about it for a second, which made me a little nervous because I thought he was going to ask that we take the entire party out for dinner (NOT!). “Mom, I'd like a Taco Bar,” he said. Interesting concept. We volleyed some ideas and here's what I'm picturing:


We'll do it, obviously, buffet-style. We'll start out with a basket containing hard taco shells and soft tortillas; the soft tortillas might be easier for our guests who have braces to eat. Then there will be individual dishes containing tomatoes, cheese, lettuce, sour cream, and black beans. Next in line will be two dishes containing seasoned ground beef and turkey, respectively. Lastly, I foresee a container of taco sauce and a large salad bowl on the side in case any kid actually wants to add some to his plate.


The bar will consist of Sprite (which is apparently the choice drink for this group), seltzer, and sparkling cider served in plastic champagne glasses (fancy!).


For dessert, we'll offer a Make-Your-Own-Sundae Bar which is easy thanks to those single-serve cups of half-chocolate, half-vanilla. The kids can spoon on, from little serving bowls, toppings such as nuts, M&Ms, smashed Butterfingers, and add whipped cream before pouring on chocolate syrup, if they want. The final bowls will consist of sprinkles and Maraschino cherries.

I thought about buying party hats and noisemakers, but then realized that these kids are too cool for hats and are noisy enough without the noisemakers. I'm thinking that penny whistles might allow them to make some noise at midnight without my ears ringing for days afterward.


The next day, the waffle maker will come in handy for obvious reasons, especially since the catch phrase for this group seems to be “I like waffles.” With any luck, our guests will be picked up by 11:30am on New Year's Day.


I know that future parties will get bigger and more expensive, so I'm cherishing the simplicity of this one and knowing that my son will be in the house having fun the last night of 2013. Junior will get very little sleep (the last time some of these kids slept over, they didn't go to bed until 4am) and start out the New Year happy, if tired. Yes, my son, you can have a sleepover. Let's make it the best one yet!


–


Please check back in with me for my favorite New Year's Jokes. Why shouldn't 2013 go out with a laugh?!

10 Tips For Dealing With Long Lines This Holiday Season

Sometimes I like to see-feel-touch merchandise before I buy it.  Still, going shopping this time of year is no fun, so here are:

10 Tips For Dealing With Long Lines This Holiday Season

• Make sure you've eaten and gone to the bathroom before you go. This sounds obvious and it's probably advice you've automatically given your kids, but make sure your physical needs have been met before you Go Forth And Shop. Being hungry will make you cranky and impatient and there's nothing worse than having to give up your place in a line to desperately find a rest room.  You can also pack a protein bar in your pocket or purse just in case you do get hungry while on line. 

• Wear comfortable shoes.  You're not doing yourself any favor by going home with aching feet.  Forgo the pumps for cushy sneakers and give your tired tootsies a break.  

• Have any and all receipts/gift cards/coupons accessible before you leave the house. Fumbling for those things when you finally reach the sales counter will frustrate you and tick off other shoppers.  Plus, how many times have you been unable to find a coupon or rewards card and told the cashier to just go on with the purchase anyway?  Be prepared ahead of time to save the money you planned on saving.  

Long lines and high heels do NOT go together!

• Dress in layers, especially if you're in any stage of menopause.  Again, you want to be comfortable on line, not frantically fanning yourself.  And remember that if many people are gathered in a small space like a line all at one time, the temperature is bound to go up.  Be prepared to shed a layer or two if need be.

• Understand that if lines are long, it is not the fault of the customer service rep at the checkout line.  Long lines indicate poor decisions by management who may under staff their stores or just not train sales personnel properly.

• If possible, shop with a friend.  This way, if you do need to get off the line or run to the bathroom, your friend can take your place.

• Know the store's hours and go earlier in the day if you can, or late at night.  Our nearby Target opens bright and early which is perfect for those of us dropping kids off at at school.  There's no traffic and I can get out quickly.  If I waited until the afternoon, I'd run into lunch-hour and after-work traffic.

• Chat up the person next to you if they're receptive.  No one wants to wait in long lines. Empathy and conversation can work wonders to lower stress.

• Make sure you know where your valuables are.  Some websites suggest bringing something to distract yourself while on line.  I think that's a mistake.  There are too many thieves out and about this season.  You need to keep your wits about you, especially if you have no choice but to lug the kids with you. Know where your wallet and cellphone are at all times. If you're carrying a purse, make sure it's closed.

• Place your receipts in one designated place to make returning items easier.  If something is broken or doesn't fit, you don't want to be searching all over the place trying to find the receipt.  

The stress of the Holiday Season will be over in a few weeks. Plan well to minimize it for yourself and those around you. I'm off to Toys-R-Us! Ta-ta!

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