What To Do With The Tooth Fairy's Collection Of Teeth

With two kids, the Tooth Fairy has been at my house a lot over the last ten years. In fact, she came the other night after my 10-year old begged me to yank her latest loose tooth. I've been collecting these pearly whites in envelopes for years and it begs the question:

What does the Tooth Fairy do once she has all of a kid's teeth?

What will the tooth fairy do with this tooth?

I polled the 2,350 members of my Mothers' Loop and here's what they said:

• Put them in envelopes with the kid's name; some people listed the date the kid lost the tooth.
  
  
• Put them in a baby jar.
  
  
• Hide them in a drawer.
  
  
• Throw them out.
  
  
• Put them in the Tooth Fairy Bank, a specially-made, showpiece-quality receptacle that has individual compartments for each tooth. You can even list the date the tooth was lost. Learn more about it here.

The Tooth Fairy is a'coming!

If they're “fresh” enough, you can save them to treat diseases later in life (like you would do with a child's umbilical chord). Learn more about procedure, which must be done pretty quickly after the tooth has come out, here.

For me, throwing the baby teeth out feels wrong. These pearls are a part of my kids' babyhood. I guess I could put one or two in their scrapbook. I may even put one from each kid in a locket.  In any case, I'm going to keep them, at least until the kids' grow up.   I want to show them how tiny their baby teeth were. These small relics are tangible evidence of the fleeting, magical time when my kids were (and one still is) little.

What are YOU going to do with your child's baby teeth?  

 

The Tricky Birthday Party Question: What Would YOU Do?

In the midst of planning my daughter's 10^th birthday party, which means going in to school to lead a craft, orchestrating a family luncheon, AND dealing with all the details to insure that Lily's actual party is a rousing success, I received this email this morning:

Dear Linda,

I hope all is well. Someone just asked me to carpool to Lily's party and I realized that Maggie never got an invite. I assume it was an oversight as the girls have been playing a lot at school. I know Maggie would be upset if she was not there as she enjoyed having Lily at her party in June.

Delilah

I paused in the midst of a gulp of coffee.

That email unearthed a lot of feelings:

1. Shock that someone would actually have the NERVE to question why her kid was potentially left off the guest list.
2. A little bit  of sadness that the kid would be hurt that she hadn't been invited.  Interestingly enough, since she wasn't even on Lily's first invitee list, apparently Lily doesn't consider Maggie a close friend.
3. The question of whether parties are, in fact, tit-for-tat endeavors.
   
   
   
   

I posed the question to a friend of mine. He took the “inclusion” line, as in, if you can't invite everyone, don't invite anyone at all. That seems silly, since there's no way in hell I can afford to invite EVERY kid that Lily knows from gymnastics, school, Sunday School, Student Council, etc. If I did that, my kid would never have a party. Inviting her entire class is silly since she doesn't like everyone in her class and, Maggie isn't even in Lily's class. 

Then I asked some friends. They unanimously JUMPED on the “too bad for Maggie – she's going to have to learn she doesn't get invited to EVERY event, won't get EVERY promotion, and will have to learn to deal with disappointment” soap box.  Interesting perspective.

Finally, I asked myself if I would ever send an email like that. 

The answer is “no.” Honestly, I would never have the gall to ask why my child wasn't invited to something!  If my child doesn't get invited to something, that saves me one more present to buy. Lily, in talking about it with her many times, understands that people don't get invited for LOTS of reasons including the fact that some people have family parties without friends invited, many of us have monetary constrains, and sometimes you're just not close friends with people you used to be tight with.

Delilah, being the savvy mom I know she is, is well aware that if you don't get an RSVP for an invitation, you call and/or email the parent for a follow-up. The fact that I didn't contact her told her that Maggie wasn't invited. 

Could I invite one more kid? Our venue set a base number of attendees at 20; if I go above that, the cost increases. Could we pull it off? Sure, but then it wouldn't be fair to all the OTHER kids we didn't invite.

So I took a deep breath and crafted the following response to Delilah:

Dear Delilah:

While Maggie is certainly a close, cherished friend of Lily's, due to a  limited budget, we were unable to invite her. I hope you understand and that the girls can continue to be friends.

Linda

Knowing Maggie and Lily, they'll continue to play together. If Maggie brings it up, Lily will explain that we just couldn't invite any more people.

I suspect that Delilah's email was prompted by her own sense that a wrong was committed and that she holds the “we invite you to a party, so you have to invite us” or tit-for-tat view of parties. And perhaps she doesn't want to deal with Maggie's disappointment at not being invited.

Bummer.  It's her issue not mine. 

Disappointment is a part of life that many parents are shielding their kids from. Lily has had to deal with it and now Maggie will be learning a life lesson. As for me, I'm going back to the hustle and bustle of my daughter's “birthday weekend.” 

What would you have done had you received an email like that? Please – let me know!

10 Reasons Your Elf Didn't Move Last Night (aka Mom Screwed Up)

The first few nights Seymour, our Elf-On-A-Shelf was here, I was fairly motivated.  I did a one or two of those cutesy Pinterest-things like putting Elf on a horse and giving him a mustache.   Now I'm officially sick of the little bastard.

Every night I lie in bed thinking of what I DIDN'T accomplish during the day and invariably one of those things is that I forgot to move the little idiot.  One night I know I'm either going to forget to move Seymour or will just be too lazy to get out of my nice, warm bed to do it. 

I WILL forget to move the Elf.  It's only a matter of time...

So here, for my reference and yours, are 10 excuses we can all use to explain why the Elf didn't move his damn butt last night: 

• Elf has been moving around every night and he got tired. Everyone deserves a little rest!

• He ate too many Christmas cookies and had a belly ache so he couldn't fly. He looks better now. Look! He's smiling! (The little narc is ALWAYS smiling...)

• He can see everything from that point of view, so he must like it there. 

• Santa told him to take this spot again. He has to do what Santa says, right?

• He fell asleep waiting for YOU to fall asleep.

If he's drinking this, it explains why he's always smiling...

• It was especially cold at the North Pole last night and Elf wanted to stay here where it was nice and warm.

• He was afraid of the cat. (Or baby or Daddy.)

• He heard someone moving around in their bed last night and was afraid someone would see him.

• He's playing Simon Says with Santa and Santa hasn't said “Simon Says” yet.

• He's testing you and wanted to see if you'd notice that he didn't move.  Wow!  You passed the test!  Good job!  

As much as I detest the work associated with Elf, I am loving the fact that my daughter is so completely into the magic of Christmas. 


She looks for Seymour every morning and is thrilled by his antics.  She and her carpool friends discuss what their elves have done and where they've been hiding.  Listening to Lily, seeing how much happiness Seymour brings her, makes the work associated with the Elf worth it. 


What are you favorite "my Elf didn't move" excuses?  I could probably use more...


Thanks for reading!  

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10 Things Most Responsible Moms Would Never Say (But I Sometimes Do)

 

  

1. “Sure, you can have ice cream for breakfast.” Okay, I say this, but only on their birthdays.
2. “Yes, you can skip school. I used to do that all the time, too.”
3. “Feel free to text all you want during family dinner. Conversation and togetherness are so overrated.”
4. “No, you don't have to change your underwear. It should be good for another two weeks.”
5. “You need money? Take everything you need from my purse. In fact, here's my credit card. Go to town!”
   
   
   
   

   

   
   
   
6. “Let's go on a shopping spree. Price is no object.” I say this, but only at the Dollar Store. 
7. “Carrot cake counts as all the vegetables you need.”
8. “Sure, your girlfriend can come over. Just close your bedroom door so I don't bother you.”
9. “Yes, you can keep the rat you found near the garbage as a pet.”
10. “Do whatever you want, whenever you want. I trust you.”
    
    
    

     

    
    

    Thanks for reading!

    
    
    
    
    

    
    

Mom's “Must-Do's” Before The Kids Get Out Of School

My Guilty Pleasure:  The Beach, ALL BY MYSELF

Now that Memorial Day has passed, my kids are giddy with the fact that school is over in just under 3 weeks. Yeah, they're dancing around with joy but, as much as I love the Summer, I'm tensing up in a panic. Only 18 days left until my solace is over, until I hear the constant whine of “What are we gonna do today?” and the incessant chatter of “Can I have a playdate? Can I have a playdate? CAN I HAVE A PLAYDATE?!” My nerves are already starting to contract.

Still, I have 18 weekdays left to get things done that I cannot get done with them or, at least, can't get done except with difficulty.


Among my “must-do's” are:

• Schedule any doctors' appointments for myself. There's no reason my kids should have to wait with me to see my doctors when I can go now and get those appointments over with.
• Do some home repairs and organizing. Ever try to paint a porch with kids around? It's great that they want to help, but sometimes “too many cooks in the kitchen” are not productive. Time to grout, paint, and organize by myself.
• Get our pool/beach stuff together. It's inevitable that I will not be able to find all of the toys, floaties, goggles, etc. that the kids will need the first day the town pool opens. It's time to look for that stuff now while I still have a functioning memory cell left.
• Make appointments for the kids' medical check-ups. Wellness visits book up fast during the summer. It's time to make them now before school starts in the Fall.
• Download and carefully read any school sports forms. Some need to be filled out by various doctors over the Summer with some deadlines for the upcoming school year taking place as early as July. This is the time to see what criteria we've met in terms of exams and shots and what we still need to address, especially since annual physicals are coming up.
• Watch whatever TV shows I want. We have one television in the house and once Summer comes, my daughter occasionally relaxes by watching her shows. Until then, I can watch all the “Love It Or List It” I want without worrying about sharing the television.
• Make a summer schedule. I did this last year and it helped tremendously! I basically sketch out the summer, including which kid is in what camp and when, when sports practices start and the week our family vacation is scheduled to take place. On the bottom of the schedule is a list of day trips I want to take with the kids – very helpful because, again, I don't expect to have many brain cells left come August.
• Come up with an informal list of which friends will be around when. Many of our friends go away for the summer and some of the kids' playmates will be at sleep-away camp. Knowing who is around when comes in handy.
• Make plans for some “Moms Only” nights when I can see my friends without kids in tow. Having something to look forward to helps me keep my sanity.
• Stock up on sunscreen. Since the effectiveness of sunscreen wanes over time, I'm seizing the moment to ditch the old stuff and replace it with new stuff. You can't be too careful.
• Clean the coolers. There's nothing worse than going to pack your cooler with ice, only to be met with a funky smell when you take the lid off. Time to get out the baking soda and vinegar and give them a good scrub.
• Visit people it might be difficult to visit with the kids. My aunt is in a nursing home and although my kids love spending time with her, once camp starts, it's harder to go and see her. I want to visit her as much as possible before our Summer hours change and life gets a bit more variable.
• Go to the beach by myself. One of my guilty pleasures is dropping my daughter off at school and then driving down to the beach and spending some time there before I come back to pick her up. Sitting by the water, alone, is like a mini-vacation that I cherish. Since my kids aren't beach people, this is the time for me to make these indulgent forays. They're my way of showing myself some love!

I love the Summer and spending time with my children, especially since my son is about to enter high school and my days with him are numbered. Getting prepared ahead of time will help me enjoy the kids more and worry about details of Summer less. I've got 18 days to prepare – I'm going to make them count!

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What do you fit in before the kids get out of school? I'd love to know!

7 Ways To Acknowledge Mother's Day Even If You Don't Have A Mother

 

Having come from an aberrant family, I am acutely aware of how holidays can be a bit of a challenge. It seems like everyone else is celebrating in a certain way and those of us without family and, on Mother's Day, without mothers (or functional, caring mothers) are left out in the cold. So how can one acknowledge this special day when you don't have a loving mother around? Here are some ideas:

1. Intellectually understand that your family is different. That may not be good or bad; it's just the reality of the situation. All the wishing in the world will not change that. Try to let it go.
2. If you did have a loving mother who has died, you can take the time, on Mother's Day, to celebrate and reminisce about her life. Celebrate what you once had, perhaps by visiting a place that was special to her, eating her favorite food, or taking out a belonging of hers and really experiencing it via touch or smell.
3. If you have a mother who is alive or, for whatever reason, from whom you are distant, understand that you are not alone. Many of us have family like that. For me, understanding that others feel like I do helps with loneliness this day can often bring on.
4. Think back to your childhood and of a woman or two who made you feel special and loved. It could be another relative or a friend who was there to listen and support you. Contact her and thank her for being there. You don't have to wish her a happy Mother's Day, but you can thank her for her presence in your life, kind of a “thank you for being you” conversation.
5. If you are a mother, take time to think about what it means to be one and resolve (as you probably have already) to be the best mother you can be to your kids.
6. Choose to celebrate a mother figure. Perhaps Mother Earth, the Virgin Mary, or another famous mom (for a list, visit http://www.mothersdaycelebration.com/famous-moms-around-the-world.html). Think about what made or makes them special and consider whether you can incorporate some of those qualities into your own life.
7. Do something special for yourself like buy yourself flowers or a special dinner. No matter what happened to your mom, you survived and are special.

Remember, too, that you don't HAVE to celebrate Mother's Day at all! It really is one of those greeting card holidays that serves commercialism more than individuals. Plus, by not celebrating, you're saving money that others are spending on this silly day.

For some fun and interesting sites about mothers, famous and infamous, check out the following:

• Corsinet.com (http://corsinet.com/braincandy/momtrivia.html) – This article has some fun trivia about mothers.
• ABCNews.Go.Com (http://abcnews.go.com/2020/infamous-convicted-alleged-mommy-murderers-infamous-cases-andrea/story?id=13956527) – A link to the Most Infamous Convicted And Alleged Mommy Murders In History, this article will make you feel lucky that you don't have one of these!
• ABCNews.Go.Com (http://abcnews.go.com/Health/MindMoodNews/mothers-psychologically-abuse-children-bad-sex-abusers-experts/story?id=10577646) – Another fascinating article on mean mothers and how they can scar you for life (as if you didn't already know). 

Remember, this May 11^th, CAN be just another Sunday in your life. It's your choice how you want to spend it.

10 Ways To Deal With Family At Thanksgiving

Family + Thanksgiving = Stress

Thanksgiving is almost upon us and while I LOVE expressions of gratitude and the all-inclusiveness of the day (it's one of the few major holidays not segregated by religion), my stomach juices are already churning at the prospect of entertaining extended family.



Hubby and I have a very small family, so for us, it just means having our mothers over, but it's still stressful. 



I do not get along with one of those women, yet I know I am not alone when it comes to having to deal with a difficult family member at holiday time. So here are some tips that I've culled that I will (teeth gritted, WILL) try on Thanksgiving Day:

• Isolate your issues with the other person so you can deal with them. While my issues are numerous, one of the things that bugs me is the fact that I wind up being the sole waitress while at least one of the ladies makes demands (no, they are not requests). So this year, we're putting each family member in charge of serving one of the dishes. Hubby will be Master Turkey, in charge of carving and doling out the bird. The 8-year old will be Salad Girl, ready with tongs at any given moment. Junior is Captain Carbs, serving up sweet potatoes and stuffing. And I will be Madam Side Dish, transporting bowls of hot veggies to the table. I'll update this post later to let you know if this did, indeed, lower my stress level.

•  “Grieve for the family we wish we had but do not.” This tip comes courtesy of the website for Psychology Today  and appears in an article entitled “The Thanksgiving Challenge.” At first I thought the suggestion was a bit of psychological mumbo jumbo, but the piece points out that at this time of the year, families feel pressured to “embody a Norman Rockwell sense of togetherness and gratitude” that may not exist. Thanks, Norm. What I've come to realize is that most families fall far short of this idolized image of family, so perhaps, like perfect bodies, it's another media concept that has little basis in reality. Unfortunately, we all feel pressured to live up to this unrealistic image. Knowing I'm not experiencing something alone helps.

• Let your guests in on the agenda. People don't always like surprises. We'll be letting the grandmas know what time we're picking them up, what time dinner will be served, and what time they'll be home. This should make it easier for them to plan their before-visit and after-visit time accordingly.

• Keep the conversation neutral. This is not the time to bring up major issues or complaints you may have with the other person (save that for Festivus). 

Holding your tongue can be challenging with family on Thanksgiving.

• Figure out what you're going to say if someone does raise an issue. My kids know to deflect unasked for criticism by saying, “feel free to discuss that with my parents.” Saying, “I'm not going to discuss this now – let's talk about it later” is a perfectly valid adult response.

• Give yourself an unannounced time-out. Retreating to the kitchen to catch a few breaths before you blow up or smack someone with a 2'x4' is reasonable.

• Understand that it is not your responsibility to live up to other people's expectations. I can't stress this enough.  Those are their issues, not yours. Don't let them put the blame on you. Just say, “I'm sorry you feel that way” and move on.

• Come up with some conversation starters. Ask questions like “what's your happiest memory,” “if you could change places with a celebrity, who would it be and why,” and “if you won the lottery, what would you do with the money.” This starts your company talking and helps avoid uncomfortable silences. Be aware that some people are just uneasy in a group. Someone who is used to dining alone may not have the social skills they once had.

Coming up with conversation starters can ease the tension at Thanksgiving

• Be prepared with post-dinner activities. Thanks to the website makingfriends.com, I found this free, printable Thanksgiving Bingo Game we'll be playing with the Nanas.

• Plan a reward for yourself after they leave. Whether it's playing a game with your little one, indulging in Pinterst or giving yourself permission to look at silly cats on the Internet, have something to look forward to.
  

Need more guidance on how to get through Thanksgiving? Visit http://psychcentral.com/thanksgiving
for some great articles on surviving this holiday.

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Please come back, before Thanksgiving, and visit me, won't you?