Celebrating The Holidays When Your Family Is TINY

My family is TINY, as in just the four of us plus my mother and my mother-in-law. I usually don't think about it, but around the Holidays, when society's emphasis is on ALL THINGS FAMILY, I feel bad. We don't have large family gatherings with tons of people running around, my kids don't get loads of presents from relatives, and on special occasions, most of our friends want to be with their own relations, not us. Still, the reality is that until my kids get married and have children of their own, the family is not going to grow; in fact, since the two mothers are older, the clan is actually going to get smaller before it get bigger. 

Having a small family is a challenge around the Holidays...it makes me sad.

Coping with all of this pressure to have FAMILY has been a real challenge for me. Even though it's silly, I feel guilty that I can't give the kids more relatives. So my husband and I have come up with our own holiday traditions, fit for the interfaith family we are.

Hanukkah

Since my husband is Jewish, he's in charge of Hanukkah. We light the menorah and say the prayers every night. We've turned Hanukkah into The Literary Holiday by giving the kids books the first night only. Hubby hides the books, turning the gift-giving into a pseudo Scavenger Hunt by giving the kids hints as to where the books are. We have a special meal and continue to light the menorah whether my husband makes it home on time or not; it's important for the kids to know that I (the non-Jewish parent) respect Dad's tradition enough to carry through whether he's home or not. 

Pre-Christmas (Okay, so it's not a holiday, but it has become it's own materialistic season.)

Seymour (as in he "sees more")

Since I am a former Catholic and we're raising the children Unitarian Universalist (which embraces all religious traditions), we have a Christmas tree and TONS of decorations. Elf-On-A-Shelf came after Thanksgiving and he delights my daughter every day as he moves from place to place. My kids get stockings which Santa fills with little things like socks, which seem to consistently disappear, and sugar-free candy. Now for the two biggies:

Christmas Eve

First, we have a special Christmas Eve dinner, usually lasagna (my son's favorite), and the kids drink special sparkling apple cider out of plastic champagne glasses.

Later, we attend our church's Christmas Eve service for children. I fell in love with this years ago when my son was a baby. Our minister starts off by pointing out that God loves the sound of children, so we shouldn't worry about keeping the little ones quiet. He also tells the Nativity with the wee folk ages 6 and under coming up to the Sanctuary and acting the story out. When my kids were younger, they were angels and shepherds; I'm sad that they're too old to participate now, but it's still fun to watch.

Depending on how we're feeling, we may go to our town hall's free Christmas Light Show. Sometimes we drive around looking for extra-special house displays as well.

My daughter (who is 9) prepares the snacks for Santa and spends quite a bit of Christmas Eve making gifts for Santa and Mrs. Claus. She also says goodbye to her Elf who will be picked up by Santa when he comes later that night. 

Christmas Day

Yep, that's a bit smaller than our family - just a bit.

The first rule is that no one can go downstairs to look at the tree until EVERYONE is out of bed. We then go downstairs where Santa has given the kids three presents (the Wise Men gave Jesus three, so that's how many the kids get as well) and we have given them one. They also see what's in their stockings.

Everyone opens one present one at a time while we all watch. Then, while the kids enjoy their presents, either hubby or I make a special breakfast (he makes THE BEST OMELETS!).  Then my daughter and I start cooking for the grandmas while my husband goes to pick them up and Junior amuses himself.  Since the Nanas LOVE to eat, and must eat early, dinner is usually over long before 5PM, so we all sit down to watch a holiday movie (often, "It's A Wonderful Life"). 

Chris Moose

Okay so it isn't a lavish celebration, but from what I hear from other people, it's also not filled with the bickering and pettiness that families with larger families experience. Our Holidays are simple and they're ours. I'm savoring this time with the children, knowing that they won't be home with us forever. 

I guess cherishing time with the family you have and not bemoaning what you don't have, is really what the Holidays are all about.

--

I found two fantastic articles on celebrating holidays when you don't have a large family. Since they resonated with me, let me share them with you:

Tara-Michelle Ziniuk wrote this lovely article in which she tells about celebrating Hanukkah with her family of two.

Dresden Shumaker explains how she envies those with big families in this wonderful piece.

--

Thank you for reading! Please come back again, won't you?

6 Ways To Recognize Father's Day In Spite Of Your Dad

This Father's Day, many people will be celebrating the caring, wonderful men who were, and are, so influential in their lives. But what if, like many of us, a kind, affectionate paternal figure is missing? How can you get through Father's Day when you don't have a good one, or even one, around? Here are some suggestions:

1. Acknowledge that your family is different. That's not good or bad; that's just the reality of the situation. All the wishing in the world will not change that. Try to let it go.
2. If you did have a fantastic father who has died, you can take the time to celebrate and reminisce about his life. Celebrate what you once had, perhaps by visiting a place that was special to him, eating his favorite food, or taking out a belonging of his and really experiencing it via touch or smell.
3. If you have a dad who is alive or, for whatever reason, from whom you are distant, understand that you are not alone. Many of us have family like that. For me, understanding that others feel like I do helps with loneliness this day can often bring on.

   

   My father-in-law:  a wonderful man! 

4. Think back to your childhood and of a man or two who made you feel special and loved. It could be another relative or a friend who was there to listen and support you. Contact him and thank him for being there. You don't have to wish him a happy Father's Day, but you can thank him for his presence in your life, kind of a “thank you for being you” thing.
5. If you are a dad, take time to think about what it means to be one and resolve (as you probably have already) to be the best one you can be to your kids.
6. Do something special for yourself like buy yourself flowers or a special dinner. No matter what happened, you survived and are special.

Remember, too, that you don't have to celebrate Father's Day at all! It really is one of those greeting card holidays that serves commercialism more than individuals. Plus, by not celebrating, you're saving money that others are spending on this silly day.

Remember, this June 16th, CAN be just another Sunday in your life. It's your choice how you want to spend it.

--

Thank you for stopping by!

 

 

7 Ways To Acknowledge Mother's Day Even If You Don't Have A Mother

 

Having come from an aberrant family, I am acutely aware of how holidays can be a bit of a challenge. It seems like everyone else is celebrating in a certain way and those of us without family and, on Mother's Day, without mothers (or functional, caring mothers) are left out in the cold. So how can one acknowledge this special day when you don't have a loving mother around? Here are some ideas:

1. Intellectually understand that your family is different. That may not be good or bad; it's just the reality of the situation. All the wishing in the world will not change that. Try to let it go.
2. If you did have a loving mother who has died, you can take the time, on Mother's Day, to celebrate and reminisce about her life. Celebrate what you once had, perhaps by visiting a place that was special to her, eating her favorite food, or taking out a belonging of hers and really experiencing it via touch or smell.
3. If you have a mother who is alive or, for whatever reason, from whom you are distant, understand that you are not alone. Many of us have family like that. For me, understanding that others feel like I do helps with loneliness this day can often bring on.
4. Think back to your childhood and of a woman or two who made you feel special and loved. It could be another relative or a friend who was there to listen and support you. Contact her and thank her for being there. You don't have to wish her a happy Mother's Day, but you can thank her for her presence in your life, kind of a “thank you for being you” conversation.
5. If you are a mother, take time to think about what it means to be one and resolve (as you probably have already) to be the best mother you can be to your kids.
6. Choose to celebrate a mother figure. Perhaps Mother Earth, the Virgin Mary, or another famous mom (for a list, visit http://www.mothersdaycelebration.com/famous-moms-around-the-world.html). Think about what made or makes them special and consider whether you can incorporate some of those qualities into your own life.
7. Do something special for yourself like buy yourself flowers or a special dinner. No matter what happened to your mom, you survived and are special.

Remember, too, that you don't HAVE to celebrate Mother's Day at all! It really is one of those greeting card holidays that serves commercialism more than individuals. Plus, by not celebrating, you're saving money that others are spending on this silly day.

For some fun and interesting sites about mothers, famous and infamous, check out the following:

• Corsinet.com (http://corsinet.com/braincandy/momtrivia.html) – This article has some fun trivia about mothers.
• ABCNews.Go.Com (http://abcnews.go.com/2020/infamous-convicted-alleged-mommy-murderers-infamous-cases-andrea/story?id=13956527) – A link to the Most Infamous Convicted And Alleged Mommy Murders In History, this article will make you feel lucky that you don't have one of these!
• ABCNews.Go.Com (http://abcnews.go.com/Health/MindMoodNews/mothers-psychologically-abuse-children-bad-sex-abusers-experts/story?id=10577646) – Another fascinating article on mean mothers and how they can scar you for life (as if you didn't already know). 

Remember, this May 11^th, CAN be just another Sunday in your life. It's your choice how you want to spend it.