Naggings As Old As Time - Momisms

As I wandered the grocery store this morning, my eyes focused on a stunning woman accompanied by her preschool son. In passing, I caught snippets of their conversation, with the boy asking his mom for something and then her reply: 

“But Honey, every time I buy you something you think you'll like you never eat it.”

 “MY GOD,” I thought. “THAT'S MY LINE!”

 

Same basic mom, different day

I continued to listen as the mom listed what her son had asked for in the past (the list was LONG) and how the food had gone bad. She talked about how much food they waste and what a shame it was. I caught her eye. “Been there, done that. I completely understand.” She smiled back, validated.

I'm betting that for centuries, mothers have been giving the same lectures to their kids, with only minor variations. Can you identify with any of these “Momisms”?

• “Honey, I asked you like five times before we left if you have to go. NOW you have to?!!!”
  
  
• “I don't care if all the other parents in the neighborhood (tribe, school, temple, church, caravan, commune, etc.) let their kids do it. I'm your mom and I say NO.”
  
  
• “Your sister (brother, pet, our furniture, rocks, our chariot, etc.) is not food. Don't bite it!”
  
  
• “Try it (the new food). If you don't try it you'll never know if you like it.” (Sidebar: I had to coerce my kids to try pizza. PIZZA!)
  
  
• “Stop yelling/screaming/talking so loudly. You're giving Mommy a headache.”
  
  
  
  

  

  Kids have probably been hearing the same stuff from their moms for centuries.

  
  
  
  
• “Go to bed. NOW. Not in 5 minutes. NOW!”
  
  
• “No, you cannot have a pet (cat, dog, rodent, yak, elephant, snake, etc.). Why? Because I'll wind up taking care of it!”
  
  
• “Get back here and stop running around. NOW!”
  
  
• “You kids are so spoiled! Back in my day....”
  
  
• “Don't make me get up!”
  
  
  
  
  
  

  

  Kids have probably been ignoring Momisms just as long, too!

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• “I don't care who started it, YOU stop it!”
  
  
• “Where do you think YOU'RE going?!”
  
  
• “Someday I hope you have a kid exactly like you!”
  
  
  
  

These Momisms are much easier to take when you're not uttering them.  And kids are a lot easier to take when they're not yours (although other people's children aren't NEARLY as lovable as yours!).

I listen to moms with toddlers and think, “Been there, done that.” I talk with other mothers of teens and ask, “Is this normal?” And I seek the advice of mothers with older kids to get a handle on what's coming up. 

The scoldings, the phrases are as old as mothering. But my favorite “momism”?

I will always love you - no matter what. 

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Thanks for reading!

Please note:  Most of the photos above are courtesy of pixabay.com. 

What To Do With The Tooth Fairy's Collection Of Teeth

With two kids, the Tooth Fairy has been at my house a lot over the last ten years. In fact, she came the other night after my 10-year old begged me to yank her latest loose tooth. I've been collecting these pearly whites in envelopes for years and it begs the question:

What does the Tooth Fairy do once she has all of a kid's teeth?

What will the tooth fairy do with this tooth?

I polled the 2,350 members of my Mothers' Loop and here's what they said:

• Put them in envelopes with the kid's name; some people listed the date the kid lost the tooth.
  
  
• Put them in a baby jar.
  
  
• Hide them in a drawer.
  
  
• Throw them out.
  
  
• Put them in the Tooth Fairy Bank, a specially-made, showpiece-quality receptacle that has individual compartments for each tooth. You can even list the date the tooth was lost. Learn more about it here.

The Tooth Fairy is a'coming!

If they're “fresh” enough, you can save them to treat diseases later in life (like you would do with a child's umbilical chord). Learn more about procedure, which must be done pretty quickly after the tooth has come out, here.

For me, throwing the baby teeth out feels wrong. These pearls are a part of my kids' babyhood. I guess I could put one or two in their scrapbook. I may even put one from each kid in a locket.  In any case, I'm going to keep them, at least until the kids' grow up.   I want to show them how tiny their baby teeth were. These small relics are tangible evidence of the fleeting, magical time when my kids were (and one still is) little.

What are YOU going to do with your child's baby teeth?  

 

7 Ways To Acknowledge Mother's Day Even If You Don't Have A Mother

 

Having come from an aberrant family, I am acutely aware of how holidays can be a bit of a challenge. It seems like everyone else is celebrating in a certain way and those of us without family and, on Mother's Day, without mothers (or functional, caring mothers) are left out in the cold. So how can one acknowledge this special day when you don't have a loving mother around? Here are some ideas:

1. Intellectually understand that your family is different. That may not be good or bad; it's just the reality of the situation. All the wishing in the world will not change that. Try to let it go.
2. If you did have a loving mother who has died, you can take the time, on Mother's Day, to celebrate and reminisce about her life. Celebrate what you once had, perhaps by visiting a place that was special to her, eating her favorite food, or taking out a belonging of hers and really experiencing it via touch or smell.
3. If you have a mother who is alive or, for whatever reason, from whom you are distant, understand that you are not alone. Many of us have family like that. For me, understanding that others feel like I do helps with loneliness this day can often bring on.
4. Think back to your childhood and of a woman or two who made you feel special and loved. It could be another relative or a friend who was there to listen and support you. Contact her and thank her for being there. You don't have to wish her a happy Mother's Day, but you can thank her for her presence in your life, kind of a “thank you for being you” conversation.
5. If you are a mother, take time to think about what it means to be one and resolve (as you probably have already) to be the best mother you can be to your kids.
6. Choose to celebrate a mother figure. Perhaps Mother Earth, the Virgin Mary, or another famous mom (for a list, visit http://www.mothersdaycelebration.com/famous-moms-around-the-world.html). Think about what made or makes them special and consider whether you can incorporate some of those qualities into your own life.
7. Do something special for yourself like buy yourself flowers or a special dinner. No matter what happened to your mom, you survived and are special.

Remember, too, that you don't HAVE to celebrate Mother's Day at all! It really is one of those greeting card holidays that serves commercialism more than individuals. Plus, by not celebrating, you're saving money that others are spending on this silly day.

For some fun and interesting sites about mothers, famous and infamous, check out the following:

• Corsinet.com (http://corsinet.com/braincandy/momtrivia.html) – This article has some fun trivia about mothers.
• ABCNews.Go.Com (http://abcnews.go.com/2020/infamous-convicted-alleged-mommy-murderers-infamous-cases-andrea/story?id=13956527) – A link to the Most Infamous Convicted And Alleged Mommy Murders In History, this article will make you feel lucky that you don't have one of these!
• ABCNews.Go.Com (http://abcnews.go.com/Health/MindMoodNews/mothers-psychologically-abuse-children-bad-sex-abusers-experts/story?id=10577646) – Another fascinating article on mean mothers and how they can scar you for life (as if you didn't already know). 

Remember, this May 11^th, CAN be just another Sunday in your life. It's your choice how you want to spend it.

10 Ways To Deal With Family At Thanksgiving

Family + Thanksgiving = Stress

Thanksgiving is almost upon us and while I LOVE expressions of gratitude and the all-inclusiveness of the day (it's one of the few major holidays not segregated by religion), my stomach juices are already churning at the prospect of entertaining extended family.



Hubby and I have a very small family, so for us, it just means having our mothers over, but it's still stressful. 



I do not get along with one of those women, yet I know I am not alone when it comes to having to deal with a difficult family member at holiday time. So here are some tips that I've culled that I will (teeth gritted, WILL) try on Thanksgiving Day:

• Isolate your issues with the other person so you can deal with them. While my issues are numerous, one of the things that bugs me is the fact that I wind up being the sole waitress while at least one of the ladies makes demands (no, they are not requests). So this year, we're putting each family member in charge of serving one of the dishes. Hubby will be Master Turkey, in charge of carving and doling out the bird. The 8-year old will be Salad Girl, ready with tongs at any given moment. Junior is Captain Carbs, serving up sweet potatoes and stuffing. And I will be Madam Side Dish, transporting bowls of hot veggies to the table. I'll update this post later to let you know if this did, indeed, lower my stress level.

•  “Grieve for the family we wish we had but do not.” This tip comes courtesy of the website for Psychology Today  and appears in an article entitled “The Thanksgiving Challenge.” At first I thought the suggestion was a bit of psychological mumbo jumbo, but the piece points out that at this time of the year, families feel pressured to “embody a Norman Rockwell sense of togetherness and gratitude” that may not exist. Thanks, Norm. What I've come to realize is that most families fall far short of this idolized image of family, so perhaps, like perfect bodies, it's another media concept that has little basis in reality. Unfortunately, we all feel pressured to live up to this unrealistic image. Knowing I'm not experiencing something alone helps.

• Let your guests in on the agenda. People don't always like surprises. We'll be letting the grandmas know what time we're picking them up, what time dinner will be served, and what time they'll be home. This should make it easier for them to plan their before-visit and after-visit time accordingly.

• Keep the conversation neutral. This is not the time to bring up major issues or complaints you may have with the other person (save that for Festivus). 

Holding your tongue can be challenging with family on Thanksgiving.

• Figure out what you're going to say if someone does raise an issue. My kids know to deflect unasked for criticism by saying, “feel free to discuss that with my parents.” Saying, “I'm not going to discuss this now – let's talk about it later” is a perfectly valid adult response.

• Give yourself an unannounced time-out. Retreating to the kitchen to catch a few breaths before you blow up or smack someone with a 2'x4' is reasonable.

• Understand that it is not your responsibility to live up to other people's expectations. I can't stress this enough.  Those are their issues, not yours. Don't let them put the blame on you. Just say, “I'm sorry you feel that way” and move on.

• Come up with some conversation starters. Ask questions like “what's your happiest memory,” “if you could change places with a celebrity, who would it be and why,” and “if you won the lottery, what would you do with the money.” This starts your company talking and helps avoid uncomfortable silences. Be aware that some people are just uneasy in a group. Someone who is used to dining alone may not have the social skills they once had.

Coming up with conversation starters can ease the tension at Thanksgiving

• Be prepared with post-dinner activities. Thanks to the website makingfriends.com, I found this free, printable Thanksgiving Bingo Game we'll be playing with the Nanas.

• Plan a reward for yourself after they leave. Whether it's playing a game with your little one, indulging in Pinterst or giving yourself permission to look at silly cats on the Internet, have something to look forward to.
  

Need more guidance on how to get through Thanksgiving? Visit http://psychcentral.com/thanksgiving
for some great articles on surviving this holiday.

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Please come back, before Thanksgiving, and visit me, won't you?

We're Missing The Point In The McCarthy-Elle Matter

That rattling sound you hear is me shaking my head over this headline-grabbing controversy over actress Melissa McCarthy's photo on the cover of Elle Magazine.  In case you're not up to snuff, Ms. McCarthy posed for the publication as part of their Women In Hollywood campaign as did fellow thespians Reese Witherspoon and Shailene Woodley.  The latter two wore skimpy clothing for their shoots while the rounder Ms. McCarthy was photographed in a coat which she supposedly picked out.  Critics are slamming her fashion choice because they claim it sends a negative message.  

Ok, so let me get this straight:  an actress is choosing NOT to parade around showing a lot of flesh and people are pissed?

Apparently one former model thought Ms. McCarthy missed a chance to represent all the Ruebenesque girls of the world.  Other critics are calling the cover "fat-shaming," reinforcing the notion that people who are fat should be embarrassed by their bodies.  Elle is defending the cover saying , again, that Ms. McCarthy herself decided to what to wear. 

I'm stumped.  For years we've heard that it's disgusting to have semi-naked women parading about on the covers of magazines.  Studies have shown that it sends a negative message to young girls about the "necessity" of being thin and reinforces the image of women as sex-objects.  That's bad, right?  I also get fact that there's a parity perception issue, as in how come the thin ladies are showing flesh and Ms. McCarthy can't? 

Reality Check:  this is not a question of "can't" but a decision of "won't."  The comedian, a presumably intelligent woman who is also a mother, made a sound, mature choice.  She chose how her body would be represented on the cover of a major magazine for all the world, including her kids, to see.  She decided that the coat she's wearing is more flattering than anything skimpy.  She was comfortable in it and chose to wear it for a photograph.  She decided how SHE wanted to present herself to the world.  What's wrong with that? 

Apparently critics are mad that Ms. McCarthy did not capitalize on an opportunity to represent all of the overweight people in the world.  Why should she have to?  Having a podium doesn't mean you automatically have to use it.  Expecting her to allow herself to be deified as an overweight person just because she happens to be one is stupid.  Ms. McCarthy doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to.    What happened to freedom of choice?

This is an actress who, if truth be told, looks more like the average American woman than any other female gracing a magazine cover.  Instead of looking at the cover of Elle and asking "why isn't she dressed like a tart," let's marvel at the fact that a major magazine is finally embracing a talented woman who looks like more than a stick figure.   If we feel it necessary, let's point that cover out to other curvy young girls and say, "Look!  Doesn't she look great?  You don't have to be skinny and half-naked in order to garner attention.  You can just be yourself."  And let's appreciate the talent of Ms. McCarthy who is worthy of being honored as one of the Women In Hollywood while respecting her personal choice not to parade around in almost nothing. 

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Thank you for reading!   I promise I'll review SOMETHING in my next post, so stay tuned....