Got A Daughter? Don't Ignore This

In case you missed the headlines in New York City, an 18-year old girl was gang raped in a park last Thursday. And surely you've heard about the 516 criminal complaints lodged in Cologne, Germany after women were groped and sexually assaulted by a group of men on New Year's Eve. As I'm processing these latest in reported crimes against women, I'm dumbfounded that the same media that focuses on Black Lives Matter and other important causes, is ignoring that age-old issue of

Womens Lives Matter

Where's the rallying? Where are the banners? How come it's not splattered all over the fucking media? Sure, there's outrage and promises of “justice will prevail.” Indeed, four of the five animals in

the rape have come forward and I'm sure suspects have been rounded up in Germany, but once again the world seems to be yawning at more acts of  violence perpetrated against women.

A recent analysis of the World Health Organization in conjunction with the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine and the Medical Research Council, found that “globally 35% of women have experienced either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence” (source). 

Let me repeat that: 35% of women have experienced sexual violence.

That same study says that among the risk factors for sexual violence are “attitudes that are accepting of violence and gender inequality (perpetration and experience)” which come not only from society but from the media – a media that largely ignores sexual violence against women.

I'll get off my soapbox in a second, but I just want to reinforce that Womens Lives Matter just as much as anyone else. I'm not trying to playdown or minimize anyone else's cause or struggle, but let's not let violence against women become a ho-hum reality that we all just accept.

It's disgusting and unacceptable and something we need to take action on. How?

• By teaching all children that people's bodies are to be respected
  
  
• By reminding our sons that no matter how a girl is dressed or behaving, “no” means “no;” girls are not “asking for” nor do they “want” to be abused.
  
  
• By reminding our daughters that they are strong and deserve to be treated with respect.
  
  
• By not supporting movies, television, games, etc. that depict women as weak and as sex objects. These should never been seen as the norm.
  
  
• By teaching girls to support one another and be heros; if they see someone dissing another girl, they need to stand up and say something. 
  
  
• By not sexualizing our little girls. Think about how many little girls you saw out at Halloween in inappropriate attire (whether dressed as Bratz dolls or any other characters marketed to girls which are sexually suggestive).  
  
  
• By teaching boys that they have absolute control over how they treat a people. The whole “I couldn't control myself” is NOT a valid defense in any kind of crime. If you've got a penis or a fist – control where it goes. 
  
  

Womens lives matter.  We think we know it, but with females getting abused every day, I think we need to be reminded of it constantly, especially if we have women-in-training (girls). 

Violence, against ANYONE, is unacceptable – PERIOD.

What A Female Partner REALLY Means When She Says...

In honor of Valentine's Day, I thought I'd give all my male readers a little lesson in feminine lingo and my female readers a chance to nod and say, "That's right!"  So here is a guide to:

FEMALE TRANSLATIONS

 (Or What She Means When She Says...)

When she says:  You want

She means:  You WANT

When she says:  We need

She means:  I want

When she says:  Hmmm, what should I make for dinner?

She means:  I don't feel like cooking.  Let's order out.

When she says:  It's your decision.

She means:  The correct decision is obvious.  Make it or you're in trouble!

When she says:  I wish...

She means:  Make it happen.

When she says:  Do what you want...

She means:  You're screwed.

When she says:  Sure, go ahead.

She means:  You'd better NOT!

When she says:  I'm not upset.

She means:  OF COURSE I'M FRIGGIN' UPSET!  

When she says:  I heard a noise.

She means:  I noticed that you were almost asleep.  Get up.

When she says:  How much do you love me?

She means:  I did something you're not going to like.  (And you may want to get the checkbook ready.)

AND THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE:

 
 

When she says:  Am I fat?

She means:  Tell me I'm beautiful!

 Thanks for reading!

 Please note:  Some of these were adapted from this website. 

 

 

Discovering YOUR Look After The Diaper-Bag Years

Recently, I admired an acquaintance’s shoes while we were waiting on the blacktop. “Oh yeah,” she said. “I decided, now that my youngest is in kindergarten, to finally get 'grown-up' shoes again. It was a lot harder than I thought. I don't know how to find a new look!” I immediately understood. Once a mother is past the diaper-bag and toddler stages of her littlest one's life, she often realizes that that all of her clothes, shoes, and accessories are utilitarian, rather than fashionable. They're designed to hide spit stains, are easy on/easy off, good for wrestling and chasing children in, and have enough room for diapers, snacks, drinks, extra clothes, toys, etc.

Discovering your look at different stages of your life can be VERY challenging!

 

In Charise's case, not only were her clothes more practical than pretty, but she had no idea who she is now. We aren't the women we were before we had our children. We're older and possibly in a different decade of our lives. We may not be working while our wardrobes are still predominately business attire. We often have a better idea of what the other people in our lives think we should look like (husbands, partners, parents, friends) rather than knowing what WE like.

So how to you discover your look NOW? Here are a few suggestions:

1. Look at magazines and websites. Put down the parenting rags and look at sources designed for people of your own age and situation. For example, Charise is no longer a working, 30-something Wall Street manager; she's now a 40-something stay-a-home mother whose needs are different than they were before. She wants stylish clothes that fit her daily life. You'll find a list of helpful sites at the end of this post.
   
   
2. Take some time to yourself to investigate stores you like and try on different clothes. Yes, this is time-consuming and I, for one, find it unpleasant, but it's necessary. You don't have to buy from those stores, but trying garments on will give you an idea of what looks good on you and what you like. Take pictures with your camera phone. You can always order styles online, often at a fraction of the cost of store inventory.
   
   
3. Notice women you admire who might be in situations similar to yours with similar body types. I've admired women on the blacktop, in the grocery store, and even waiting for my daughter at gymnastics. I keep watching them to see what pieces they have in their wardrobe that I like and try to remember for when I do go shopping for myself. 
   
   
4. Don't be afraid to shop in the mens or other departments. Some of the best flannel shirts I've ever bought, good for hanging out in on snowy days or wearing over leggings to a friend's house have come from the mens section of a store. 
   
   
5. Look for multi-purpose pieces. Large scarves are not only fashionable, but can be worn as shawls on cold days. Scarves themselves add a sophisticated touch to any wardrobe. Intimidated by how to fold them? Here's a link that will show you 38 (!) ways to tie a scarf.
   
   
6. For hairstyles, again, check out websites or go to a hair salon you trust and ask what they suggest. Now that you're no longer limited by the prospect of a baby hanging on to your locks for dear life, you have many more options. (One of my most liberating moments was when I realized that could, once again, wear dangle earrings without the fear of a baby tearing off my earlobe.)
   
   
7. Find out what a store's return policy is before you buy those heels. I think fashion should be practical and without pain, so even though you don't have to dash after a toddler anymore, nor should your feet suffer with blisters just so you can look good. 
   
   
8. Don't forget to check your closet for pieces you can use. I have so many purses that are still useful. I've glued on flowers or other decorative pieces to update them and make them coordinate with what I'm wearing. Here's where you can put your creative juices to good use!
   
   
   
   

   

   My formerly-stained purse.  I just glued a flower over the stain and now it works!

   
   

And again, think about what YOU like! Just because your mother says you should dress in black because “it looks slimming, Dear” doesn't mean you have to. If your husband wants you to wear heels when you go out, but they kill your feet, invite him to wear them instead! Your appearance says everything about you, the real you, not the “box” others have placed you in. Embrace yourself for the person you are NOW, not the shadow who you once were. The diaper-bag and toddler years are over – go find yourself!

Here are some resources to find the look you want at any age:

Hairstyles For Fall/Winter 2014: http://www.fashionisers.com/trends/fall-winter-2014-2015-hairstyle-trends/ (Hint: variations on the pony tail are hot this season!)

Fall/Winter 2014 Fashion: http://www.thekeytochic.com/2013/08/fall-winter-2014-2015-fashion-trend.html and http://thebestfashionblog.com/womens-fashion/fall-winter-2014-2015-womens-fashion-trends

How To Update Your Wardrobe When You're On A Budget: http://budgetstyle.about.com/od/styleessentials/ht/How-To-Update-Your-Wardrobe-On-A-Tight-Budget.htm

 👣👣👣👣👣

Thanks for visiting! Please come again! 

Please note that this post originally appeared, as a guest post, on the website htttp://welcometothewackadoodles.blogspot.com.

Some Of My Favorite Menopause Jokes

At a bar mitzvah yesterday, the woman next to me asked what I do for a living.  When I explained that I'm a blogger and gave her the name of this site, she immediately launched into her own story of hot flashes and mayhem.  We also began trading menopause jokes.  In honor of another sister in menopause, here are some of my favorite jokes about The Change Of Life:

"Mom Having A Hot Flash" by the 8-year old

• If prison wardens were all menopausal women, crime would not exist.
• Trusting a menopausal woman to control her emotions is like trusting a tornado to mow your lawn.
• One way to make living with a menopausal woman easier is to pretend she was abducted by aliens and replaced by an imposter. But don't let her know or you'll be wishing aliens would abduct you.
• Where do 50-something people look for fashionable glasses?  Their foreheads.
• They're not hot flashes: they're power surges.
• What's the difference between a pit bull and a woman in menopause?  Lipstick.
• When is a smart man most likely to complain about the mood swings of his menopausal wife?  When she's not present.
• You know you have a menopausal brain when "getting lucky" means finding your car keys.
• If scientists ever find a cure for menopause, our big problem will suddenly become global cooling.
• What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause? Keep very busy. 
   
   
  Thank you for reading!  Please come back again soon!
  
  
  
  
   
   

We're Missing The Point In The McCarthy-Elle Matter

That rattling sound you hear is me shaking my head over this headline-grabbing controversy over actress Melissa McCarthy's photo on the cover of Elle Magazine.  In case you're not up to snuff, Ms. McCarthy posed for the publication as part of their Women In Hollywood campaign as did fellow thespians Reese Witherspoon and Shailene Woodley.  The latter two wore skimpy clothing for their shoots while the rounder Ms. McCarthy was photographed in a coat which she supposedly picked out.  Critics are slamming her fashion choice because they claim it sends a negative message.  

Ok, so let me get this straight:  an actress is choosing NOT to parade around showing a lot of flesh and people are pissed?

Apparently one former model thought Ms. McCarthy missed a chance to represent all the Ruebenesque girls of the world.  Other critics are calling the cover "fat-shaming," reinforcing the notion that people who are fat should be embarrassed by their bodies.  Elle is defending the cover saying , again, that Ms. McCarthy herself decided to what to wear. 

I'm stumped.  For years we've heard that it's disgusting to have semi-naked women parading about on the covers of magazines.  Studies have shown that it sends a negative message to young girls about the "necessity" of being thin and reinforces the image of women as sex-objects.  That's bad, right?  I also get fact that there's a parity perception issue, as in how come the thin ladies are showing flesh and Ms. McCarthy can't? 

Reality Check:  this is not a question of "can't" but a decision of "won't."  The comedian, a presumably intelligent woman who is also a mother, made a sound, mature choice.  She chose how her body would be represented on the cover of a major magazine for all the world, including her kids, to see.  She decided that the coat she's wearing is more flattering than anything skimpy.  She was comfortable in it and chose to wear it for a photograph.  She decided how SHE wanted to present herself to the world.  What's wrong with that? 

Apparently critics are mad that Ms. McCarthy did not capitalize on an opportunity to represent all of the overweight people in the world.  Why should she have to?  Having a podium doesn't mean you automatically have to use it.  Expecting her to allow herself to be deified as an overweight person just because she happens to be one is stupid.  Ms. McCarthy doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to.    What happened to freedom of choice?

This is an actress who, if truth be told, looks more like the average American woman than any other female gracing a magazine cover.  Instead of looking at the cover of Elle and asking "why isn't she dressed like a tart," let's marvel at the fact that a major magazine is finally embracing a talented woman who looks like more than a stick figure.   If we feel it necessary, let's point that cover out to other curvy young girls and say, "Look!  Doesn't she look great?  You don't have to be skinny and half-naked in order to garner attention.  You can just be yourself."  And let's appreciate the talent of Ms. McCarthy who is worthy of being honored as one of the Women In Hollywood while respecting her personal choice not to parade around in almost nothing. 

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Thank you for reading!   I promise I'll review SOMETHING in my next post, so stay tuned....