I'm At Peace With My Body - If You Don't Like It, Don't Look

A few years ago, I woke up and realized something:

I've hated my body almost my whole life.

That's because for all, but a few, brief years, I've been overweight. And when you're zaftig in our society, it carries a stigma; you're labeled “lazy,” “slovenly,” and undisciplined. Now, of course, you're also told by doctors that you're unhealthy (despite what doctors have now learned about the damage that up and down dieting does to your body). 

Growing up, I was the last picked for teams. My mother shopped in the “hefty” department at Sears where the clothes were made of scratchy polyester and looked as if they belonged on old people. Because it was and, to some degree, is still acceptable to belittle those of us who are curvy, I was mocked which made me shyer and shyer. 

Nowadays, there's greater awareness of body image and how damaging shaming is, but that hasn't stopped strangers from continuing to make comments. The worst was a little boy in the grocery store who came up to me a few years back and declared loudly, “I've never seen anybody as fat as you!” His mother just stood and said, “Now, Jimmy, you shouldn't say that” (if my kid ever said anything like that, I'd drag her out of that store pronto and we'd have quite a talking to!). I dug my heels in as the child stared at me and a crowd gathered. “Honey, people come in all shapes and sizes and that's okay,” I said, still mortified. (What I should have said was, “You're a rude little shit who should learn from friggin manners!”)

I've lost weight and gained it back, lost it and gained it – yo-yo dieting they call it and, as I said before, doctors have learned that it damages the body severely. At the moment, I'm heavy again, this despite eating right and exercising. I'm tired - of dieting and fed up with the criticism. That day, a few years back, I realized HOW MANY YEARS I'D SPENT HATING MY BODY! More than half a decade! And I resolved to stop.

 I looked in the mirror, at the body that's born one child and nurtured another, and realized: I'm beautiful no matter what my weight!

It's an attitude that's served me well. Every day I look in the mirror and celebrate my curvy body. I've joined Facebook groups and subscribe to pages that publicize healthy images, no matter what the number on the scale says. And when my husband looked at me as I was eating a small bowl of barley with milk the other day and said, “With what you're eating, shouldn't the pounds be melting off?” I stared back at him in all honesty and replied, “I like the way I look.”

There are those who will see me this Summer at the beach and shake their heads at my voluptuous body in my bathing suit.  To them I say, 

“It's my body and I'm happy. 

 If you don't like it, don't look!”

Gift Suggestions For Your Budding Musician

My son has been playing the clarinet for 5 years now and I'm delighted that his interest in the instrument is still going strong. He's in the school and marching bands, but what I REALLY love is he breaks it out during the summer just for the pleasure of playing. This year, his sister (now 10) has taken it up and I was ecstatic when, on Thanksgiving, they serenaded me with a duet!

If you've got a developing musician, here are some gift suggestions

 that will strike a chord with them:

For all musicians: 

• electronic tuner                                                  
• music stand

For clarinet players:

• reeds
• a thumbrest cushion (helps maintain the correct finger position), maintenance kit
• a clarinet pad saver (whisks moisture from the pads and tone holes which extends the life of the pads)

For flute players:

• maintenance kit
• pad saver

For saxophone players:

• reeds
• maintenance kit
• pad (see above)
• a better neck strap than what theycurrently have

For oboe players:

• reeds 
• valve oil
• maintenance kit

For trumpet players:

• maintenance kit

For trombone players:

• slide oil
• maintenance kit

And for orchestra kids who play violin/viola:

• shoulder rest,
• violin pitch pipe

Most items are available at your local music store or Amazon.com. You can also download selections from famous musicians for kids to listen to – they love hearing others play the instruments they're learning.

I'm happy that my son uses his instrument for fun and to de-stress. Music is a creative endeavor which stimulates the brain is a great way for them to develop confidence. Grab a few of the items above. They're sure to pleasure your musical child!

As always, thank you for reading!

 

We're Missing The Point In The McCarthy-Elle Matter

That rattling sound you hear is me shaking my head over this headline-grabbing controversy over actress Melissa McCarthy's photo on the cover of Elle Magazine.  In case you're not up to snuff, Ms. McCarthy posed for the publication as part of their Women In Hollywood campaign as did fellow thespians Reese Witherspoon and Shailene Woodley.  The latter two wore skimpy clothing for their shoots while the rounder Ms. McCarthy was photographed in a coat which she supposedly picked out.  Critics are slamming her fashion choice because they claim it sends a negative message.  

Ok, so let me get this straight:  an actress is choosing NOT to parade around showing a lot of flesh and people are pissed?

Apparently one former model thought Ms. McCarthy missed a chance to represent all the Ruebenesque girls of the world.  Other critics are calling the cover "fat-shaming," reinforcing the notion that people who are fat should be embarrassed by their bodies.  Elle is defending the cover saying , again, that Ms. McCarthy herself decided to what to wear. 

I'm stumped.  For years we've heard that it's disgusting to have semi-naked women parading about on the covers of magazines.  Studies have shown that it sends a negative message to young girls about the "necessity" of being thin and reinforces the image of women as sex-objects.  That's bad, right?  I also get fact that there's a parity perception issue, as in how come the thin ladies are showing flesh and Ms. McCarthy can't? 

Reality Check:  this is not a question of "can't" but a decision of "won't."  The comedian, a presumably intelligent woman who is also a mother, made a sound, mature choice.  She chose how her body would be represented on the cover of a major magazine for all the world, including her kids, to see.  She decided that the coat she's wearing is more flattering than anything skimpy.  She was comfortable in it and chose to wear it for a photograph.  She decided how SHE wanted to present herself to the world.  What's wrong with that? 

Apparently critics are mad that Ms. McCarthy did not capitalize on an opportunity to represent all of the overweight people in the world.  Why should she have to?  Having a podium doesn't mean you automatically have to use it.  Expecting her to allow herself to be deified as an overweight person just because she happens to be one is stupid.  Ms. McCarthy doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to.    What happened to freedom of choice?

This is an actress who, if truth be told, looks more like the average American woman than any other female gracing a magazine cover.  Instead of looking at the cover of Elle and asking "why isn't she dressed like a tart," let's marvel at the fact that a major magazine is finally embracing a talented woman who looks like more than a stick figure.   If we feel it necessary, let's point that cover out to other curvy young girls and say, "Look!  Doesn't she look great?  You don't have to be skinny and half-naked in order to garner attention.  You can just be yourself."  And let's appreciate the talent of Ms. McCarthy who is worthy of being honored as one of the Women In Hollywood while respecting her personal choice not to parade around in almost nothing. 

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Thank you for reading!   I promise I'll review SOMETHING in my next post, so stay tuned....