It's Back To School Time: 5 Tips To Avoid Being Taken Advantage Of

 

With school starting, many of us will be interacting with people who will be looking for help, namely PTA organizations and school personnel. They have needs to be met, whether it's filling a less-coveted leadership position, buying school supplies, fundraising, recruiting committee members, or helping out in some other way. Sure, their motives may be altruistic (they're helping out at the school, after all), but the pressure they put on us can be relentless. I've dealt with folks who have outright tried to bully me into doing more at school because, “You're a stay-at-home mom. You have nothing to do all day.” Yeah, right.

So how can those of us who don't want to make enemies and be “nice” avoid being taken advantage of? Here are some tips:

1. Understand the truly negative consequences of being a chronic people-pleaser. It's stressful and frustrating. It leads to resentment. You may find yourself blowing up at family and friends over minor matters that have nothing to do with those people at all. It also models negative behavior for our children, especially our daughters. Do you really want to do that?
   
   
2. Pick your battles. It's one thing to be asked to bring in store-made cupcakes to an event and quite another to be asked to chair a year-long committee. Some things are intrusive; others are not. 
   
   
3. Use “I” statements to minimize confrontation and keep the other person from getting defensive. When someone is defensive, confrontations get ugly. “I” statements tell the person that you care about the matter at hand. At the same time, you can set your limits. For example, “I know you'd like me to be at that meeting (you're being empathetic), but I can't (asserting yourself).”
   
   
4. Learn to say “no.” This is something many women have trouble with because we want to avoid conflicts. However, a firm, polite “no” that you stand behind is the best way to avoid being taken advantage of. Decline simply and without embellishment. No long explanation of why you can't do something is needed. 
   
   
5. If you feel put on the spot but don't want to give an outright “no,” it's perfectly okay to say, “let me think about it.” You can always get back to them later and politely decline.

No one likes being a patsy, but unfortunately, there are people who will disregard your feelings in order to get their needs met. Sure, we all want to help, especially when it comes to school matters, but often we can't assist as much as organizations or their representatives would like us to. Setting limits, drawing that line in the sand, allows us to help out as much as we want and permits more people to volunteer as well.

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Thanks for reading! 

Helping Your Child Overcome Separation Anxiety Or School Refusal – Empowering Parents Who Are At Our Wit's End

A few weeks ago, out of no where, my daughter started complaining of dizziness, headaches and stomach aches. The first time it happened, I let her stay home from school and, miraculously enough, about an hour after school had started, she made a full recovery. But the next morning, it happened again. When I explained that in light of the absence of a fever or vomiting, she had to power through the symptoms, she threw a hissy fit so severe that I physically couldn't get her to school. This prompted a visit to the pediatrician and eye doctor (for the headaches) who ruled out anything physical. Since then, she's thrown several more fits resulting in several days of missed school.

I was at my wit's end. I called Diva's teacher, the school nurse, guidance counselor, and a therapist I knew. All agreed that it sounded as if she was just tired. Yet despite an earlier bedtime and fewer after school activities, the fits persisted. I was convinced she was manipulating us, but the more I pushed her, the harder she fought back. Just getting her into the car was a monumental task. I didn't understand what was going on until I found this book at my library: Helping Your Child Overcome Separation Anxiety Or School Refusal by Andrew R. Eisen and Linda B. Engler.

This fairly short (181 pages), easy-to-read book shed some light on what Diva was going through. Apparently some children cannot express anxiety in any other way than through feeling what they call “sick”, usually with non-specific symptoms like tummy aches, headaches, dizziness, etc. These feelings are so unpleasant that the child also becomes nervous about feeling sick. They may feel unsafe in school and trapped, desperately clinging to Mommy or a safe adult. This makes parents feel like they're being manipulated and powerless, since you never know when your child is going to “pull” these fits. Your life becomes disrupted and you have no idea why. The book's authors assure the reader that far from being manipulative, these episodes are really a cry for help on the part of your child.

It delves into the nature of a kid's phobias, what they are, why they happen, and helps you understand what your child's safety needs are. It points out that the worries must be faced, not avoided, and suggests ways to gently help the child face those fears. More than anything else, it helped me come up with an action plan so that I can help Diva get through these episodes. In my case, some of the things I needed to do were get her to bed much earlier than I'd originally thought, start giving her more responsibility for packing her own lunch and snack (thus giving her more power over her world), allow her to pack her own backpack (again, an empowering thing), and get her up earlier so that she had more time to transition from waking up to getting out of the house. This week, Daddy is going to work a little later, just in case I do have trouble getting our daughter into the car and our plan is to periodically have Daddy do this, just to help both Diva and me. It also shows our daughter than we are both committed to helping her through this.

The book does warn, however, that even though the fears may be eliminated, there's always a chance that the child will backslide into them if the coping strategies are not maintained or if the kid experiences stress or any kind of separation-related transitions (like the beginning of camp or school). It also points out we, as adults, need to attend to our own mental wellness because anxious kids result in very apprehensive adults. Lastly, the authors explain optional treatments for severe anxieties, such as different types of therapy or medication.

Helping Your Child Overcome Separation Anxiety Or School Refusal is an empowering tool that demands work on the part of the parents. I actually read it while parked in a parking lot waiting for my son to come out of church so that I could really absorb what it was saying in peace. I also took notes and gave a copy of my action plan to the school counselor so that both the school and our family are on the same page and to show her that we are committed to eliminating or at least minimizing my daughter's future school absences.

If your child is experiencing separation anxiety or is refusing to go to school, this is a must-read book! At the least, it will help you understand what's going on with your child; at the most, it's a valuable tool to help you get through this period and end the struggle between you and your child. Help yourself and your family by reading it today.

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Note:  This post originally appeared on thegeekparent.com.  Visit me there, too! 

Helping Your Child Compete In Gymnastics (With Some Fabulous Resource Links)

After many years of taking gymnastics, Diva is now competing in meets. Sure, I'm used to having a child vie against others, but up to this point it's been in town rec sports like basketball and Little League which entailed an hour or two of practice a week. Gymnastics has been different because of the amount of work my daughter voluntarily puts into it; she spends 12 hours a week with her coaches.


So how can I, as a parent, help this 8-year old deal with the pressure inherent in any competition?

Well, first and foremost, I looked around and chose the right environment for Diva.


The gym we're working with emphasizes teamwork, nutrition, and personal self-improvement over everything else. This creates a nurturing atmosphere where members support each other. I've spent hours in the gym and haven't heard one child mock or berate another for not doing a move. The coach tells everyone before a meet to just do their best and that he will love them as long as they try. He instituted a program where he gave every younger child a “big sister” who acts as a mentor, making the older team members more conscious of their attitude and less likely to cop an attitude. The end result is that my daughter is even more in love with gymnastics than she was when she started on the team; she does what she needs to do (homework, chores, eat dinner, etc.) before joyfully sprinting to the car. She cannot wait to get to the gym!


The second measure I took to lessen the pressure has been to underplay the scoring aspect of the meets.


We've talked, nonchalantly, about how the scoring really doesn't mean much and how the numbers are just points used by the officials to compare one child's performance with anther’s. She and I have discussed that a number does not define you (whether it's a score on a test or in a meet, or a number on the scale). How you do one day will naturally differ from the next. The trick is to celebrate what you're doing well and problem-solve to figure out how you can improve on your weaknesses. Diva knows she is not competing with others, but rather, with her own previous performances. Thus, when she did not do well in one event, she was unshaken. “I'll have to work on that at practice,” she shrugged.


Lastly, before a meet, we casually talk about what we can do, at home, to help her prepare. 

Sometimes, she spends time on the Internet watching YouTube videos of Olympic gymnasts and her own team; she scrutinizes their performances, commenting on what they did particularly well. She tells me what she would like to eat before a competition and after (carbohydrates before and plenty of protein after are her personal preferences). We agree that her bedtime the night before should probably be a little earlier. And often, on the way home from a competition, she tells what she thought of her performance and what she thinks she needs to work on. I can almost see the gears working in her mind as she analyzes the different aspects of gymnastics. It's fascinating!

I think my approach has been a healthy one.  Whereas I understand others on her team have spent the week leading up to a meet crying, not eating, and exhibiting other signs of stress, the only symptom I've seen in Diva is a slight dip in her appetite just before a competition. Upon learning of the distress suffered by those other girls, the coach decided to just not enter them in the next meet.  They came as spectators, of their own free will, to support their peers.  "We don't have to compete, Mommy," Diva tells me.  Knowing that her coach is behind her, no matter what, takes a lot of the pressure off. 


Our family revels in her passion for and pleasure in the sport. Gymnastics is teaching her to love her body. It is teaching her discipline. She loves the team experience. As I write this, I am sitting in the gym where, a few minutes ago, I watched as the team watched each younger girl on the uneven parallel bars. After each athlete landed, the entire group clapped and shouted out compliments. My heart swelled as I watched my glowing daughter receive kudos.


Whether Diva chooses to stay with gymnastics (and it is HER choice) or quit tomorrow, the experience has been positive and is helping her grow.


 How grateful I am that she's having this opportunity and that we've found the right community in which to nurture her abilities.


Additional resources on this topic include:

• The article “Competing Views On Competition” found at http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/11/garden/the-role-of-competitiveness-in-raising-healthy-children.html?pagewanted=all&_r=1&
  
• This wonderful piece by Dr. Sylvia Rimm on “Teaching Healthy Competition” at http://www.sylviarimm.com/article_healthcomp.html#parentpointers.
  
• “Competitive Sports - Helping Kids Play It Cool” is a nice article that talks about healthy versus non-healthy stress; you can find it here: http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/family/sports_competition.html#. The KidsHealth website also contains a on good item on Sportsmanship.
  
• I LOVE this article by Wayne Goldsmith (http://www.sportscoachingbrain.com/help-child-achieve-sport) outlining 50 things you can do to help your child achieve in a sport. It includes ideas such as the warning that you not introduce your child as 'my daughter, Diva, the gymnast' because the sport is just something they do, not who they are (note: that is a paraphrase of one of Mr. Goldsmith's incredibly valuable suggestions). I wish every organization handed this list out at the beginning of a season!
  
• The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry offers a PDF version of their article “Children And Sports” here: http://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/Facts_for_Families_Pages/Children_And_Sports_61.aspx. I didn't think it was a great article, but it was worth a look.
  

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Gymnastics is an expensive sport, as anyone with a child in it can attest to. One leotard is required, but several mean you're not washing the same one out every night. The best deal I found, so far, was a $10 leo which I got at Wal-Mart; it came with a matching scrunchy. Had they had more in Diva's size, I would have loaded up. The next cheapest I found was on the website Discount Dance Supply (www.discountdance.com) listed several recently for $17.55 and Amazon had the exact same models at the exact same price. The site dancewearSolutions (www.dancewearsolutions.com) listed at least two leos for $18.95. And the website Jillybeans Leotards (www.jillybeansleotards.com) contains a huge inventory with leotards starting at $19.99.


Since Diva loves all things gymnastics, she is immediately drawn to any shirts that proclaim her love of the sport. A few months ago, on a trip to Pittsburgh, we found a lovely little shirt in a Justice store there, on clearance, for $5! Again, had they had more in her size, I would have scooped up several. But there are websites that have cutesy little gymnastics stuff; these include:

• Zazzle.com (www.zazzle.com)  – You can find keychains and buttons here for as little as $3.65 each. I really like the assortment of gymnastics posters here which would inspire any budding gymnast.
  
• Cafepress.com (www.cafepress.com) – This site has a ton of gymnastics-related merchandise and I can tell you that they have WONDERFUL customer service. When my son was unhappy with the quality of a iPad case we ordered, they quickly replaced it with another one and told us to keep the first one. I LOVE it when companies wisely make things easy for customers!
  
• Gymnasticsstuff.com (www.gymnasticsstuff.com) – Go there and you're likely to spend hours perusing their gymnastics stuff. Their prices are competitive, but they have a lot of links, so be prepared to do a good amount of mouse clicking.
  

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As always, thank you for reading. Please check back in soon, won't you?

10 Tips For Dealing With Long Lines This Holiday Season

Sometimes I like to see-feel-touch merchandise before I buy it.  Still, going shopping this time of year is no fun, so here are:

10 Tips For Dealing With Long Lines This Holiday Season

• Make sure you've eaten and gone to the bathroom before you go. This sounds obvious and it's probably advice you've automatically given your kids, but make sure your physical needs have been met before you Go Forth And Shop. Being hungry will make you cranky and impatient and there's nothing worse than having to give up your place in a line to desperately find a rest room.  You can also pack a protein bar in your pocket or purse just in case you do get hungry while on line. 

• Wear comfortable shoes.  You're not doing yourself any favor by going home with aching feet.  Forgo the pumps for cushy sneakers and give your tired tootsies a break.  

• Have any and all receipts/gift cards/coupons accessible before you leave the house. Fumbling for those things when you finally reach the sales counter will frustrate you and tick off other shoppers.  Plus, how many times have you been unable to find a coupon or rewards card and told the cashier to just go on with the purchase anyway?  Be prepared ahead of time to save the money you planned on saving.  

Long lines and high heels do NOT go together!

• Dress in layers, especially if you're in any stage of menopause.  Again, you want to be comfortable on line, not frantically fanning yourself.  And remember that if many people are gathered in a small space like a line all at one time, the temperature is bound to go up.  Be prepared to shed a layer or two if need be.

• Understand that if lines are long, it is not the fault of the customer service rep at the checkout line.  Long lines indicate poor decisions by management who may under staff their stores or just not train sales personnel properly.

• If possible, shop with a friend.  This way, if you do need to get off the line or run to the bathroom, your friend can take your place.

• Know the store's hours and go earlier in the day if you can, or late at night.  Our nearby Target opens bright and early which is perfect for those of us dropping kids off at at school.  There's no traffic and I can get out quickly.  If I waited until the afternoon, I'd run into lunch-hour and after-work traffic.

• Chat up the person next to you if they're receptive.  No one wants to wait in long lines. Empathy and conversation can work wonders to lower stress.

• Make sure you know where your valuables are.  Some websites suggest bringing something to distract yourself while on line.  I think that's a mistake.  There are too many thieves out and about this season.  You need to keep your wits about you, especially if you have no choice but to lug the kids with you. Know where your wallet and cellphone are at all times. If you're carrying a purse, make sure it's closed.

• Place your receipts in one designated place to make returning items easier.  If something is broken or doesn't fit, you don't want to be searching all over the place trying to find the receipt.  

The stress of the Holiday Season will be over in a few weeks. Plan well to minimize it for yourself and those around you. I'm off to Toys-R-Us! Ta-ta!

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Thank you for reading! Please comment below and come back again!

10 Ways To Deal With Family At Thanksgiving

Family + Thanksgiving = Stress

Thanksgiving is almost upon us and while I LOVE expressions of gratitude and the all-inclusiveness of the day (it's one of the few major holidays not segregated by religion), my stomach juices are already churning at the prospect of entertaining extended family.



Hubby and I have a very small family, so for us, it just means having our mothers over, but it's still stressful. 



I do not get along with one of those women, yet I know I am not alone when it comes to having to deal with a difficult family member at holiday time. So here are some tips that I've culled that I will (teeth gritted, WILL) try on Thanksgiving Day:

• Isolate your issues with the other person so you can deal with them. While my issues are numerous, one of the things that bugs me is the fact that I wind up being the sole waitress while at least one of the ladies makes demands (no, they are not requests). So this year, we're putting each family member in charge of serving one of the dishes. Hubby will be Master Turkey, in charge of carving and doling out the bird. The 8-year old will be Salad Girl, ready with tongs at any given moment. Junior is Captain Carbs, serving up sweet potatoes and stuffing. And I will be Madam Side Dish, transporting bowls of hot veggies to the table. I'll update this post later to let you know if this did, indeed, lower my stress level.

•  “Grieve for the family we wish we had but do not.” This tip comes courtesy of the website for Psychology Today  and appears in an article entitled “The Thanksgiving Challenge.” At first I thought the suggestion was a bit of psychological mumbo jumbo, but the piece points out that at this time of the year, families feel pressured to “embody a Norman Rockwell sense of togetherness and gratitude” that may not exist. Thanks, Norm. What I've come to realize is that most families fall far short of this idolized image of family, so perhaps, like perfect bodies, it's another media concept that has little basis in reality. Unfortunately, we all feel pressured to live up to this unrealistic image. Knowing I'm not experiencing something alone helps.

• Let your guests in on the agenda. People don't always like surprises. We'll be letting the grandmas know what time we're picking them up, what time dinner will be served, and what time they'll be home. This should make it easier for them to plan their before-visit and after-visit time accordingly.

• Keep the conversation neutral. This is not the time to bring up major issues or complaints you may have with the other person (save that for Festivus). 

Holding your tongue can be challenging with family on Thanksgiving.

• Figure out what you're going to say if someone does raise an issue. My kids know to deflect unasked for criticism by saying, “feel free to discuss that with my parents.” Saying, “I'm not going to discuss this now – let's talk about it later” is a perfectly valid adult response.

• Give yourself an unannounced time-out. Retreating to the kitchen to catch a few breaths before you blow up or smack someone with a 2'x4' is reasonable.

• Understand that it is not your responsibility to live up to other people's expectations. I can't stress this enough.  Those are their issues, not yours. Don't let them put the blame on you. Just say, “I'm sorry you feel that way” and move on.

• Come up with some conversation starters. Ask questions like “what's your happiest memory,” “if you could change places with a celebrity, who would it be and why,” and “if you won the lottery, what would you do with the money.” This starts your company talking and helps avoid uncomfortable silences. Be aware that some people are just uneasy in a group. Someone who is used to dining alone may not have the social skills they once had.

Coming up with conversation starters can ease the tension at Thanksgiving

• Be prepared with post-dinner activities. Thanks to the website makingfriends.com, I found this free, printable Thanksgiving Bingo Game we'll be playing with the Nanas.

• Plan a reward for yourself after they leave. Whether it's playing a game with your little one, indulging in Pinterst or giving yourself permission to look at silly cats on the Internet, have something to look forward to.
  

Need more guidance on how to get through Thanksgiving? Visit http://psychcentral.com/thanksgiving
for some great articles on surviving this holiday.

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Please come back, before Thanksgiving, and visit me, won't you?

How To Survive Your Own Kid's Birthday Party

My darling daughter's 8th birthday party is tomorrow.  Now, DD is not my first child and I've thrown at least a dozen parties before, so why am I nervous?  I guess because like any hostess I want the attendees, and especially my daughter, to have a wonderful time.  So here's what I think are the keys to surviving your own child's birthday party:

1.  Review the details and provisions:  You've planned everything down to the smallest detail.  At least a day or two before the event, go back over those details again.  Walk yourself through the party.  If it's a home party, do you PHYSICALLY KNOW where everything is?  Thinking you have enough cups is very different from knowing exactly where those cups are and having them at hand.  If the celebration is at a place, review the balance you owe so there are no surprises at the end and what the venue will and will not provide; pack those provisions to go.  We're having DD's at a bowling alley that specifically states what kinds of snacks you're allowed.  I just discovered that the small barrel of cheese balls is taboo, so I have a spare bag of Bugels is ready.  Everything I'm bringing, including scissors and tape to hang the decorations, is in two shopping bags in the garage.  And don't forget to charge your camera and BRING IT.

2.  Know the four main components of a party that kids honestly care about:  the activity (or activities) being done, the food, the cake, and the Goodie Bags.  If you've got a handle on those, then in the eyes of the kids, the party will be a success.

3.  Understand the flow of the party and clearly delegate who's doing what and when.  The agenda for ours is bowling for 75 minutes (approximately), then pizza for half an hour with the remaining 15 minutes dedicated to cake, goodie bags, and farewells.  The birthday child is responsible for greeting and saying good-bye to all of her guests.  I'm usually the one who decorates the room and takes video/pictures.  My husband and son will be guiding the attendees to their respective bowling lanes.  Hubby is also in charge of manning at least one lane to make sure the girls throw the balls in the right direction. If it's helpful, write it down and put the paper in a centralized place at the venue for the family to reference.  Again, make sure you've communicated what help you'll be needing - you may have to repeat your instructions several hundred times.

4.  Remember that this'll all be over in a few hours and breathe.  It's situations like this where I REALLY use the Lamaze Breathing I learned in childbirthing class.  And here's a tip I learned long ago:  the birthday child does NOT unrap gifts until we're home.  I once had party attendees swarm my kid in a frenzy which scared my son and resulted in new, broken toys.  I only made that mistake once.  Otherwise, relax and enjoy your birthday child having fun.  Remember that he/she will never be this young again.

5.  Be kind to yourself.  Parties are stressfull and stuff happens.  This is a kid's birthday party, not the Oscar's.  You're doing your best and somewhere, at sometime, someone has done worse. 

Okay, so am I still nervous?  Yes.  But by this time tomorrow, it'll all be over and my daughter will have had another memorable birthday.  On to the Holidays...(yikes!)

Update:  So the party came and went and despite several bowling balls stuck mid-lane and the computer scoreboard that somehow the girls managed to jam, the party turned out well.  The birthday girl is happily opening her presents and we have enough pizza left over to feed the family for most of the week.  Can't wait until Monday when the remnants of the cake and I will be alone.   Mmmmm....cake.   ;)

Thanks for reading!

Tweets About Menopause - Part I

I just joined Twitter, that quickie-message social networking site, because I've been told it's a great place to promote my blog.  Don't know about that yet, but being on it does make me feel...modern.  I mean, Facebook is so fake, with people bragging about their kids, their lives, etc.  Life ain't THAT perfect, people!  And Instagram is TOO instant; I don't want to see the lives of my friends told in pictures (not that I run with a crowd that would).  But exchanging banter in 140 characters?  Now that's my kind of communication!

The aspect of Twitter that I'm enjoying most so far is reading what other people post, especially as it pertains to The Change Of life.  So for those who are not on Twitter yet, here are some of this week's more amusing Tweets about my dear friend, Menopause.

Just a few notes before we begin:

1.  Apparently spelling doesn't count on Twitter because the messages have to be brief.  I have, therefore, left the Tweeter's spelling intact.  Didn't want you to think that my Spell Check was broken.
2.  Any comments I might have (it IS my blog, after all) are in bold after the Tweet.

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"My mom started crying because her fruit snacks fell under her seat in the car... wtf...menapause?"  Maybe she just REALLY wanted those snacks!

"Trying to fall asleep with all the windows open, no covers and even cuddling with a ice pack, but its still too hot."

"Feel like karate kid part 10 with all of these hot flashes. sheets on / sheets off. gotta be a black belt by now."

"Another morning, another stressful 20 minutes for my dearest mother as she frets over where she's put the key."

"My moms mood swings < #Menapause . Go to sleep or something crazy women I'm watching tv."   Yes, because your TV watching is the most important thing on those women's minds.

"Bout to be a riot in this stadium. Refs better their backs before they get speared by angry middle aged women with pom pons."  Yes, and at our age, our pom pons are sagging and HEAVY!
"My mom just started crying because a little girl in the doctors office was crying because she didn't want a shot." 

"Currently leaving o'charlies because my mom wasn't happy with the bread roles."  Sorry, but those of us at a certain age are particular about our rolls. 

"A whole week away with the mother goose were not even at the airport yet and I could press the ejector seat button."

"It is freezing in my house n my moms got the AC on."

"Which kid is where?  Is that my husband?  No its the cat.  And it's hot in here...*#!"

"I think that girl got menapause cause everytime she walk by, Every man'll pause."  Yeah, great pick-up line.  Wanna pick-up middle-aged women?  Just carry a fan.

"My hairstylist shared with me today that her bf has one testicle & her pubic hair is thinning due to menapause."  My condolences to her best friend.

And my favorite Tweet of the week:  "OMG. I just realized that in order to be a"trophy wife, " I would have to marry a 90 year old man."

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By the way, if decide to join Twitter, look me up!  My Twitter name is IsItHotInHereMM.

Thank you for reading!!

Aging & The Positive Side Of Being A Nut

My husband and I actually managed to have a .conversation the other night, tucked somewhere between picking up one child at gymnastics and arguing with the other about getting off the computer.  "I'm discovering something about aging," he said.  "The older I get, the calmer I get.  I'm confident that I can handle the big stuff."  His view was in sharp contrast to mine.  As I get older, I'm becoming less serene, more, shall we say, a tad neurotic?  It's not that I lack confidence in my ability to handle the big stuff.  It's the realization that there's SO MUCH BIG STUFF!

I used to look at older drivers and feel superior to them.  Why do they drive so slowly, I wondered.  Can they not see other drivers?  Are their reflexes slower?  What pains in the butt, I thought as I'd smugly dart past their little grey heads which could barely see over the dashboard.  I never gave a second thought to the fact that one day I'd be older.  Now, as I inch closer to their ages (I'm guessing most of them were 70+), I understand why, perhaps, they drive so slowly.  No, they cannot see and hear as well as they used to.  Yes, their reflexes are slower.  But maybe they're also aware of the sound metal makes as it collides with concrete.  They may know the horror of screams as vehicles hit each other and bodies smack with an unanticipated force.  Clearly they're doing something that many people on the road forget:  driving carefully with the realization that being in control of several tons of metal containing your life and, sometimes, the lives of others is an awesome (and I do mean AWEsome) responsiblity. 

That's big stuff.  I am also cognizant of other facts like little germs can cause big problems, cautiousness does not always prevent disasters, and bad stuff happens to good people. Sure, preparation may not stop catastrophes, but it can help. 

Two years ago, my state was hit by a freak snowstorm that left us without power for five days.  There was little warning from the media and honestly, we NEVER expected that amount of snow.  It was a difficult experience that left me jittery about the weather.  But the following year, when Hurricane Sandy hit, my decidely neurotic tendencies proved advantageous.  I remembered what we'd lacked the previous year and learned from it.  I made sure we had the supplies we needed.  Sure, I was a little nutty, but memories of the previous year prompted me to get a large cooler, cook all the food I could before the storm hit so we'd have provisions, and charge our computers and smartphones.  My husband dragged out the generator he'd bought earlier that summer while the prices were low.  Despite losing power, this time, for six days, we were okay.

Having a sense of how much Big Stuff is out there has made me appreciate the present much more.  I've seen houses crushed, know people who lost everything in the blink of an eye.  Iheld my children close in the basement of my home, and prayed as Sandy roared overhead.  I've learned from it.  I've lived through car accidents and hear, in my head, the crunch of metal when I see other drivers do stupid things on the road.  If my eyes and ears start to fail, I have no doubt that  I'll drive as cautiously as the old people I encounter.  And I pray I have the confidence that my husband has that I'll be able to handle the Big Stuff ahead. 

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Stay tuned for my next post when I'll talk about some of the strategies and products that helped us through Hurricane Sandy.