How To Make A Voodoo Doll And Why I Let My 8-Year Old Make One

If you follow me on Twitter (and please do: https://twitter.com/IsItHotInHereMM), you know that recently, my 8-year old said she wanted to make a voodoo doll. She got the idea from some dumb ass Disney show. At first, I was a little concerned that she wanted to make one of ME (aka "She Who Yells A Lot"), but as it turned out, the victim is her brother. Whew! So why him? “Payback, Mom, payback,” she said. Among the list of his transgressions: 1) He tackled her the other day when they were wrestling 2) Last YEAR, he tackled her on the beach. She had her mouth open and wound up eating sand (Lesson: Always close your mouth when wrestling with your brother.). She's PISSED at him, big time. So I let her make the voodoo doll. Was I in my right mind? Yes, and here's why:

While voodoo dolls are associated with evil, they're actually meant to gain influence over whomever you're making the doll about. Diva is 8; her brother is almost 14. She weighs maybe 45 pounds; he's heavier and taller. She is jealous of him and the privileges he gets because of his age. If making a voodoo doll makes her feel better, I'm all for it. 

Here's how we made it:

1. We took an old shirt the Teen had outgrown. The doll is more “powerful” if you use a personal item from the victim.
2. I drew and made a template out of cardboard. I did it freehand, but free templates can be found here: http://www.allcrafts.net/dolls.htm.
3. She cut the material out using the template.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
4. Since Diva did not want to sew, we used a glue gun to glue the two pieces together, leaving a hole for stuffing.
5. This particular doll will not be washed, so I used part of a plastic grocery bag to stuff it; then she glued the hole shut.
   
   
   
   
   
6. She then used markers to color the doll so that it looks like her brother. Note the red sweatshirt that the kid wears, no matter what the weather. On 100 degree days, he STILL wears the shirt outside.
   
   
   
   
   

Diva was giddy at the prospect of having influence over her brother while he had decided, quite kindly, to play along with the premise of the doll. He was at a friend's house while the doll was being created, but my daughter still took great pleasure at making the doll do a split, stand on it's head, etc. When we went to pick Junior up, she asked if he'd done the split or felt anything weird. He answered that yes, he inexplicably HAD done a split and had had a headache just at the precise moment when she was playing with the doll. “MOMMY, IT WORKS,” she yelled.

Because I helped her make the doll, I explained that it won't work all the time, which gives us some wiggle room when she wants her brother to do things he just can't be bothered to do. When she finds out the truth, my explanation will be that I wanted to see her to see what a wonderful creation she was capable of making and that I just wanted her to have fun. My sense is that she's going to become bored with the doll pretty quickly. In fact, as I write this, neither she nor I know where the dang thing is.

It's hard enough being a little sister. If making a voodoo doll empowers her, makes her feel better, then I'm happy for my daughter. More power to her! 

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Please check back in with me soon!  Oh, and check out my boards on Pinterest at  http://www.pinterest.com/isithotinheremm.

Helping Your Child Overcome Separation Anxiety Or School Refusal – Empowering Parents Who Are At Our Wit's End

A few weeks ago, out of no where, my daughter started complaining of dizziness, headaches and stomach aches. The first time it happened, I let her stay home from school and, miraculously enough, about an hour after school had started, she made a full recovery. But the next morning, it happened again. When I explained that in light of the absence of a fever or vomiting, she had to power through the symptoms, she threw a hissy fit so severe that I physically couldn't get her to school. This prompted a visit to the pediatrician and eye doctor (for the headaches) who ruled out anything physical. Since then, she's thrown several more fits resulting in several days of missed school.

I was at my wit's end. I called Diva's teacher, the school nurse, guidance counselor, and a therapist I knew. All agreed that it sounded as if she was just tired. Yet despite an earlier bedtime and fewer after school activities, the fits persisted. I was convinced she was manipulating us, but the more I pushed her, the harder she fought back. Just getting her into the car was a monumental task. I didn't understand what was going on until I found this book at my library: Helping Your Child Overcome Separation Anxiety Or School Refusal by Andrew R. Eisen and Linda B. Engler.

This fairly short (181 pages), easy-to-read book shed some light on what Diva was going through. Apparently some children cannot express anxiety in any other way than through feeling what they call “sick”, usually with non-specific symptoms like tummy aches, headaches, dizziness, etc. These feelings are so unpleasant that the child also becomes nervous about feeling sick. They may feel unsafe in school and trapped, desperately clinging to Mommy or a safe adult. This makes parents feel like they're being manipulated and powerless, since you never know when your child is going to “pull” these fits. Your life becomes disrupted and you have no idea why. The book's authors assure the reader that far from being manipulative, these episodes are really a cry for help on the part of your child.

It delves into the nature of a kid's phobias, what they are, why they happen, and helps you understand what your child's safety needs are. It points out that the worries must be faced, not avoided, and suggests ways to gently help the child face those fears. More than anything else, it helped me come up with an action plan so that I can help Diva get through these episodes. In my case, some of the things I needed to do were get her to bed much earlier than I'd originally thought, start giving her more responsibility for packing her own lunch and snack (thus giving her more power over her world), allow her to pack her own backpack (again, an empowering thing), and get her up earlier so that she had more time to transition from waking up to getting out of the house. This week, Daddy is going to work a little later, just in case I do have trouble getting our daughter into the car and our plan is to periodically have Daddy do this, just to help both Diva and me. It also shows our daughter than we are both committed to helping her through this.

The book does warn, however, that even though the fears may be eliminated, there's always a chance that the child will backslide into them if the coping strategies are not maintained or if the kid experiences stress or any kind of separation-related transitions (like the beginning of camp or school). It also points out we, as adults, need to attend to our own mental wellness because anxious kids result in very apprehensive adults. Lastly, the authors explain optional treatments for severe anxieties, such as different types of therapy or medication.

Helping Your Child Overcome Separation Anxiety Or School Refusal is an empowering tool that demands work on the part of the parents. I actually read it while parked in a parking lot waiting for my son to come out of church so that I could really absorb what it was saying in peace. I also took notes and gave a copy of my action plan to the school counselor so that both the school and our family are on the same page and to show her that we are committed to eliminating or at least minimizing my daughter's future school absences.

If your child is experiencing separation anxiety or is refusing to go to school, this is a must-read book! At the least, it will help you understand what's going on with your child; at the most, it's a valuable tool to help you get through this period and end the struggle between you and your child. Help yourself and your family by reading it today.

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Note:  This post originally appeared on thegeekparent.com.  Visit me there, too! 

10 Tips For Helping Kids Enjoy Thanksgiving

When I was growing up, Thanksgiving meant schlepping to the house of a distant geriatric relative, having my cheeks pinched, sitting for hours listening to them complain about life, watching them chain smoke, then eating, and schlepping home while my parents told me how I hadn't sat quietly enough or tried some gross dish like Aunt Rose's succotash pudding. EVERYTHING about this day was out of my control, full of “musts” and “should haves.” It was not my favorite holiday.

Thanksgiving can be tough for kids - help them enjoy it!

When I had my own kids, I was determined that they would not suffer on Turkey Day as I had. Since our family has shrunk to only two elderly family members, the schlepping is no longer a factor because our house is the default location for all celebrations. Sure, the main event still centers around eating, but I've found ways to give the kids a voice, and thus some control, in the day's festivities.


Here are 10 of my favorite activities and strategies for helping kids enjoy this day:

• Challenge the kids to find new ways to express gratitude. Sure, you can go around the table and give thanks. But why not ask the kids, ahead of time, to draw a picture or make a collage of what they're grateful for? This is also a great way to keep the smaller ones busy while you're cooking. Older ones can take a photo on their phones and then pass it around just before dinner or they can compile a slide show to show before or after the meal.

• Get the kids involved planning and cooking the meal. Yeah, I know every website is recommending this, but getting children involved also increases the chance that they'll eat something on the menu (my daughter has been known to ignore the turkey and ask for mac and cheese for the Feast).   Kids can also tear lettuce, help bake dinner rolls, or pull grapes to put in a fruit salad. My son took Family Consumer Science (formerly Home Ec) and some of his recipes are amazing!

This took all of 5 minutes to make!

• Ask the kids if they'll help craft decorations. Diva and I whipped up this sweet little candle holder
  (battery-operated candles only) in about 10 minutes this weekend using a water jug, scissors, and crayons. It will welcome our guests when they arrive. You can find more free, printable Thanksgiving decorations here at Freebies.About.Com.

• Kids love knowing things adults don't!! Guide the kids toward Thanksgiving trivia they can share with the family during dinner. Buzzle.com has a fascinating online trivia quiz and Celebration Ideas Online offers a free printable trivia quiz.

• Enlist an older child to interview and record an older family member. Have them come up with questions to ask the senior. This could become a family heirloom!

• Give the kids an opportunity to choose some during-dinner music.  Just retain the power to veto any rowdy tunes.

• Invite the wee folk to come up with a list of topics and questions for dinner conversation.

Don't forget to let the kids help clean up after Thanksgiving dinner!

• Allow the kids to have input into after-dinner activities. Little ones may enjoy putting on a show or playing a musical instrument. Perhaps an older child can show Grandma what video games she's playing. Or have the kids select a few movies for the family to watch.

• Have a younger child pick out a few books for a guest to read to them. Better yet, pick out a few books they might want to read TO the guest!

• Make post-guest clean-up a competition. Whoever can put away 10 items in a minute gets first crack at leftovers later.

Again, giving children choices empowers them, reducing frustration and allowing them to have some control over the day's festivities.  It also helps them enjoy the holiday more.  In my house, anyone who chooses not to help out automatically forfeits any right to complain later and is invited to spend the day in their room sans electronics.



Also, don't forget to say “please” and “thank you” to your children! What you model is what they'll pass along.