10 Tips For Helping Kids When They Visit A Nursing Home

My GREAT aunt

My great aunt (and she IS great) is 93 and in a nursing home. When we first began visiting her after the fell that ended her time living on her own, she was bright and lucid. Her mind was sharp.  Now, three years later, she is a shell of who she once was. Today, when I brought the kids to see her, she had lost weight and was clearly not herself. My children, especially my 8-year old, had trouble with this latest visit. So I've compiled this list of tips to help us, as parents, help our children when they go to see someone in a nursing home.

1. Talk with your kids about why they're visiting. Explaining why your relative or friend is living there, i.e. because they're unable to care for themselves, is important. Help them gain appreciation for the aging process and see, in a positive manner, why a nursing home is a good place for people who need it (socialization, constant care, etc.). 
   
   
2. Prepare them for what they might see and hear. They will probably see residents in wheelchairs and some using walkers. They may see people who are unresponsive or talking in an erratic manner. Encourage your child to ask questions and discuss any concerns they might have. 
   
   
3. Explain how to behave properly in a nursing home so that the visit is pleasant. Kids need to know that they should keep their voices down, walk instead of run, be aware of people in the hallways, and understand that older people may not see or hear them.  Visitors need to get out of the way of residents first. 
   
   
4. Help kids not to take any negative expressions personally. Some elderly people may be resentful, in constant pain, and/or angry because they can't do things they once could. They may be angry that family and friends are not visiting more often. Help children understand what the elderly might be going through and that the behaviors expressed often have nothing to do with the children themselves. 
   
   
5. Try to time the visit so that the resident is at their best. Often, optimal visiting times are mid-morning, mid-afternoon, and early evening. Ask the elder or her caregiver what time of day would be the best and most convenient.
   
   
6. Bring a gift for the resident and let the kids help to pick the gift out. We bring flowers to my aunt and my daughter loves choosing which type of flowers we bring. You can see her
   swelling with pride as we walk through the hallway and people compliment her on the beautiful bouquet she's chosen. If the resident's diet permits (check first), you could bring a treat that your child can share with the elderly person. We've stopped on the way up for ice cream; my kids pick out a cup of their favorite and we get my aunt her preferred flavor. Then we have a picnic in her room.
   
   
   
7. Plan an activity that will involve the resident and the child. We've brought playing cards up and had a rousing game of War. If you're going to do crafts, bring needed supplies with you. An activity is a great way to engage even the shyest child who might be intimidated by the nursing home surroundings.  Showing the resident photographs is also a marvelous way to foster conversation and bonding.
   
   

8. 

   My aunt loves seeing pictures of our cat and hearing about the mischief she's been up to.

   Model the behavior you want your kids to exhibit. If they sense that you're uncomfortable, they will be, too. Keep things upbeat, although not falsely cheerful. Highlight the positives and avoid making negative comments about the person or the environment. 
   
   
9. Keep the visit short. Both kids and the elderly may have short attention spans and get tired quickly. It's easier and kinder to make more frequent brief visits than to force an occasional long one. 
   
   
10. After the visit, talk with your kids about what happened and how they felt. Answer questions honestly and praise them for having gone and for their behavior.

My kids honestly love my aunt. They remember her as she used to be and appreciate the fact that she's lived such a long life. As hard as today was, they know it was important to go and show her how much we love her. 

It's vital for kids to see those in all stages of the aging process and know that there are options for when people cannot take care of themselves. Vising a nursing home to see someone you love is an important lesson children will hold onto forever. 

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Thanks for reading!  

Aging & The Positive Side Of Being A Nut

My husband and I actually managed to have a .conversation the other night, tucked somewhere between picking up one child at gymnastics and arguing with the other about getting off the computer.  "I'm discovering something about aging," he said.  "The older I get, the calmer I get.  I'm confident that I can handle the big stuff."  His view was in sharp contrast to mine.  As I get older, I'm becoming less serene, more, shall we say, a tad neurotic?  It's not that I lack confidence in my ability to handle the big stuff.  It's the realization that there's SO MUCH BIG STUFF!

I used to look at older drivers and feel superior to them.  Why do they drive so slowly, I wondered.  Can they not see other drivers?  Are their reflexes slower?  What pains in the butt, I thought as I'd smugly dart past their little grey heads which could barely see over the dashboard.  I never gave a second thought to the fact that one day I'd be older.  Now, as I inch closer to their ages (I'm guessing most of them were 70+), I understand why, perhaps, they drive so slowly.  No, they cannot see and hear as well as they used to.  Yes, their reflexes are slower.  But maybe they're also aware of the sound metal makes as it collides with concrete.  They may know the horror of screams as vehicles hit each other and bodies smack with an unanticipated force.  Clearly they're doing something that many people on the road forget:  driving carefully with the realization that being in control of several tons of metal containing your life and, sometimes, the lives of others is an awesome (and I do mean AWEsome) responsiblity. 

That's big stuff.  I am also cognizant of other facts like little germs can cause big problems, cautiousness does not always prevent disasters, and bad stuff happens to good people. Sure, preparation may not stop catastrophes, but it can help. 

Two years ago, my state was hit by a freak snowstorm that left us without power for five days.  There was little warning from the media and honestly, we NEVER expected that amount of snow.  It was a difficult experience that left me jittery about the weather.  But the following year, when Hurricane Sandy hit, my decidely neurotic tendencies proved advantageous.  I remembered what we'd lacked the previous year and learned from it.  I made sure we had the supplies we needed.  Sure, I was a little nutty, but memories of the previous year prompted me to get a large cooler, cook all the food I could before the storm hit so we'd have provisions, and charge our computers and smartphones.  My husband dragged out the generator he'd bought earlier that summer while the prices were low.  Despite losing power, this time, for six days, we were okay.

Having a sense of how much Big Stuff is out there has made me appreciate the present much more.  I've seen houses crushed, know people who lost everything in the blink of an eye.  Iheld my children close in the basement of my home, and prayed as Sandy roared overhead.  I've learned from it.  I've lived through car accidents and hear, in my head, the crunch of metal when I see other drivers do stupid things on the road.  If my eyes and ears start to fail, I have no doubt that  I'll drive as cautiously as the old people I encounter.  And I pray I have the confidence that my husband has that I'll be able to handle the Big Stuff ahead. 

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Stay tuned for my next post when I'll talk about some of the strategies and products that helped us through Hurricane Sandy.