I love my teenager. He's still my
sweet, little baby, except that he's now two inches taller than me,
smells like a landfill, sounds like James Earl Jones, and argues
better than any lawyer. Living with him is like being in the
midst of a tornado. In honor of my son and all of us who live with
those like him, I've compiled a list of my 5 favorite jokes about
these mysterious, mutating forces of nature: teenagers:
A
Teenager is... *
A person who can't remember to feed the
cat, but never forgets to check his phone.
Someone who can
hear a song playing miles away, but not his mother calling from the
next room.
A geek who can operate the latest computer without
a lesson, but can't make a bed.
An fitness freak who has the
energy to walk two miles to Dunkin' Donuts with his friends, but is
too tired to empty the dishwasher.
A connoisseur of two
kinds of fine music: Loud and Very Loud.
A young woman who
loves the cat and barely tolerates her brother.
An original
thinker who is positive that her mother was never a teenager.
~~
My
mother had been sick, so I called home to see how she was doing. My
14-year old sister answered the phone.
“Hi,”
she whispered.
“Hi,
Amanda. How's Mom?” I asked.
“She's
sleeping,” she whispered.
“Did
she go to the doctor?” I asked.
“Yep.
She just took the medicine she gave her and she's sleeping,” my
sister replied.
“Ok.
Just tell her I called. By the way, what are you doing?” I
asked.
My
sister whispered, “Practicing my trumpet.”
~~
One
night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her
parents. They were shocked by his appearance: leather jacket,
motorcycle boots, multiple tattoos and a pierced nose. The boy reeked of smoke. Later, the
parents pulled their daughter aside and expressed their concern. “Oh
please,” replied the daughter, “if he wasn’t nice, why would he
be doing 500 hours of Community Service?”
~~
Teenagers
are just like cats: neither turns their head when you call them by
name and both assume that you exist for the sole pleasure of serving
them.
~~
10
Signs That Your Amish Teen Is In Trouble **
10. She sometimes stays in bed
till after 6 am.
9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women
without bonnets.
8. He shows up at barn raisings in full "Kiss"
makeup.
7. When you criticize her, she yells, "Thou
sucketh!"
6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb
Daddy."
5. He defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen
to rap music!"
4. You come upon his secret stash of colorful socks.
3. He uses slang expression: "Talk to the hand, cause
the beard ain't listening."
2. She was recently pulled over for "driving under the
influence of cottage cheese."
1. He's wearing his big black hat backwards.
*Adapted
from a piece found on Ahajokes.com
~~
Thanks
for reading! Come back again, won't you?
