Thursday, November 28, 2013

My 20 FAVORITE Thanksgiving Jokes

Source:  Google Images

Sometimes Thanksgiving can be a bit, stale, especially if those around you are a bit dry.  To combat that I give you (drumroll, please):

 20 Thanksgiving Jokes!

They may not have you rolling on the floor, but if they keep you from hitting your mother-in-law with a 2'x4', I'll have done my job. Hint: they work better either told by a cute, little kid or if your audience is either a little or very tipsy.
Here we go:

  1. What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
    He got the stuffing knocked out of him.
  1. Why can't you take a turkey to church?
    They use fowl language!
  1. What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo?
    A turkey that can pluck himself.
  1. Why don't turkeys fly?
    They can't afford plane tickets.
  1. What did the turkey say to the computer?
    Google, google, google!

  2. A man buys a parrot only to have it constantly insult him. He tries everything to make the parrot stop, but nothing works. Finally, in a fit of frustration, he puts the parrot in the freezer. After a few minutes the insults stop. The man panics, thinking he might have killed the parrot, so he opens the freezer and takes the parrot out. The parrot is shivering, but it stammers, “S-s-sorry for being r-r-rude. Please f-f-forgive me.” Then, after a moment, the bird hesitantly asks, “W-w-what exactly d-d-did the turkey do?”
  1. What sound does a limping turkey make?
    Wobble, wobble.

  2. What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus?
    Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving.
  1. What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian?
    He had an arrow escape.
  1. If you call a turkey a gobbler, what do you call a small one?
    A goblet.

  2. “Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then they discover that once a year is way too often.” - Johnny Carson

  3. On Thanksgiving Day, all over America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment ..... halftime.
   13.  Why did the turkey sit on a tomahawk?
           To hatchet.

   14.  Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
          Yes, because buildings can't jump.

   15.  What are unhappy cranberries called?

   16.  Want to freak your guests out?  Add two extra legs to the bird when it's in the oven.

   17.  What did General Patton do on Thanksgiving?
           He gave tanks.

   18.  Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving?
           Because they couldn't get the moose in the oven.

   19. "You know that just before the first Thanksgiving dinner there was one wise, old Native
         American woman saying, "Don't feed them.  If you do, they'll never leave." - Dylan

   20.  "An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day." - Irv Kupcinet.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving and a safe (seriously, be careful) Black Friday!  Special thanks to my 8-year old who caught some typos that were originally on this page.  I'm thankful for your proofreading skills, Honey.


Thanks for reading and remember to please bookmark this blog! Thanks!

Note: Sources for jokes in this post included:,,,,

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