10 Ways To Deal With Your Teenager's Mood Swings

My son was the most agreeable, mild-mannered kid...until he hit puberty. Then, over the course of the next three years, he turned into a monosyllabic behemoth who only wants to play with his friends on the computer. As much as I love him (and I do, COMPLETELY), I only know he's alive when 1) I hear the toilet flush 2) he comes down to the kitchen to forage for food.

After a LOT of reading (books, on the Web) and talking to other parents as well as a few counselors, here are

10 Tips To Deal With Your Teenager's Mood Swings

1. Don't take it personally. This is not about you, it's all about your teenager. Between hormones and the pressures of school and extra-curricular activities, these kids are tornadoes of emotion.  They're not provoking you deliberately:  they can't help themselves!
   
   
   
   
2. Be there for your teen. I don't just mean emotionally, telling them they can talk to you about anything. I mean physically; the more opportunities they have to encounter you, the more comfortable they'll be in talking to you. Case in point: when I'm up late, Junior will sometimes invite me downstairs for a snack during which we'll cuddle on the couch. We don't have to talk, but on more than once occasion, he's confided in me about something bothering him. SWEET!
   
   
   
   
3. Model what to do when you're having a mood swing. When I get really frustrated or moody, I remove myself from the situation for a bit until I cool down. My son has done the same thing, waiting until he composes himself before talking.
   
   
   
   
4. Invite your teen to be a part of things. One of my son's favorite phrases is “I don't wanna.” That's acceptable sometimes, but not others. When there's a family adventure or one of his sister's gymnastics meets, he is required to attend just as we attend his marching band competitions. It's what WE do as a FAMILY. 
   
   
   
   
5. Teach your teenager to express herself and identify what she's feeling. I get frustrated when my kids don't listen and I tell them that. Give them the language (“torn,” “bittersweet,” “lonely”, “irritated”) to express themselves without resorting to name-calling or profanities.
   
   
   
   
6. Give your kid space. Running after a moody teen does not good. Let them sort it out and be there for when they have.
   
   
   
   
7. Provide outlets for teenager's physical and emotional energy. Exercise is essential for everyone, especially kids at this age. Encourage your kid to join a sport, individual or team, so they get moving.
   
   
   
   
8. Encourage your child to eat right. I've had my son accompany me to the grocery store to pick out healthy foods he'll eat. This way I'm not cooking meals he has no intention of eating while he nukes a burrito. 
   
   
   
   
9. Get them help. If you suspect your child is depressed, drinking, or into drugs, don't hesitate to contact a professional. 
   
   
   
   
10. Give your teen unconditional love. Even when they're at their most annoying, they still need you.
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    

I'm not religious, but I suspect that the “surly years” are Nature's way of pushing our kids away. They're SO nasty, you want them out of the nest! 

As I write this, I can hear my son talking with his friends over his computer. Every once in a while I hear a note or two of the kazoo and am reassured that he's still the sweet, goofy kid I've known his whole life. His mood swings? They're normal. And puberty? We'll get through it together.

Thank you for reading!!!

10 Things All Parents Of Teenage Boys Think

I remember the moment I became cognizant that my son was transforming into a teen. He was 12 years old and we were talking just before he went to bed. “Mom,” he said, “why do I sometimes feel like crying?” My heart jumped, both because I was honored I was that he could confide in me and because I knew that puberty was changing him even as we spoke. We talked about the hormones that were not only altering his body but causing the mood swings that he was already having. “Hormones are a bitch, huh?” he said. You have no idea, Kid. 

Hair on his legs? Where did this teen come from and where's my baby?

In the two years since that conversation, many things have changed for both him, and me, as the mother of a teenage boy. In sharing my reflections with other parents, we all seem to agree that at some point we've thought:

Boy! Does he smell! - Teen boys have a decidedly musky odor that parents of teens immediately recognize.  Get a bunch of them together, for a party or sleepover, and you may as well resign yourself to the fact that you're going to have to bring out the Lysol when they leave.

When did he get so hairy? - The leg hair, the armpit hair, and now the shade of a mustache he's growing. Where did this come from?!  Who is this teen?

When did my little “helper” become so lazy? - This child, who used to live to help me take care of his little sister, shovel snow, and was eager to take out the garbage now screams in terror at the thought of emptying out the dishwasher or bringing up the laundry.  I had heard that teens could be a bit inactive, but I've seen plants grow faster than this kid moves.

Is messy the new neat? - He was never a budding Felix Unger, but lately, I have to sort through three layers of sweatpants and t-shirts to find my teen's floor to vacuum it. Add to that literally dozens of empty seltzer bottles (he lives on the stuff) and he may as well be living in a pig sty. 

How is it that he's so much smarter than I ever was at this age? - I stopped helping him with math in 3^rd grade when the first hint that Mom was an idiot crept up. I stared at the symbols on his homework and they may as well have been Sumarian. Junior is incredibly intelligent and so computer savvy that I now go to him for tech support.

Man! Does he have an active social life! - Thanks to computers, the teen plays online, with his friends every night. Thanks to texting, he meets up with them after school at the drop of a hat. And thanks to his taxi (me), he's able to go places I was never able to because my family only had one car and my dad used it. Teenagers' opportunities for socialization are endless!

Could he be schizophrenic? - In a matter of a minute, I swear he switches through personalities (nice, cranky, apologetic, baby) like I change television channels.  I swear he channels Sybil Dorsett. 

When did he become so argumentative? The mild-mannnered kid who never challenged us, now does so constantly. Now that he's a teen, he butts heads with his dad nightly, something he NEVER did before. And if you look at him the wrong way, watch out!  He leads with an argument.

I am NOT looking forward to him becoming interested in girls. - If life is dramatic now, I can't even think about what it will be like when females come into the picture. When my teen starts showering on a regular basis, then I'll know it's happened.

Right now the teenage boy thinks girls are expensive and trouble.  I'm holding on to that.

Why is he growing up so fast and how can I make him stop? This weekend he's away for the first time. I'm not worried about him, I just miss him more than I ever imagined. I blinked and my baby is now a teenager. Life is going by waay too fast!

Still, as challenging as it is being the parent of a teen, adolescence is incredible to watch. My former baby is getting more and more independent every day and periodically demonstrates a maturity I still don't have. Similarly, I find myself digging down and finding the strength I never knew I had, but realize I NEED to muster, to gradually let go. Every day I am aware that he's slipping through my fingers and finding his own way. And now I am the one who sometimes feels like crying.

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