10 Ways To Deal With Your Teenager's Mood Swings

My son was the most agreeable, mild-mannered kid...until he hit puberty. Then, over the course of the next three years, he turned into a monosyllabic behemoth who only wants to play with his friends on the computer. As much as I love him (and I do, COMPLETELY), I only know he's alive when 1) I hear the toilet flush 2) he comes down to the kitchen to forage for food.

After a LOT of reading (books, on the Web) and talking to other parents as well as a few counselors, here are

10 Tips To Deal With Your Teenager's Mood Swings

1. Don't take it personally. This is not about you, it's all about your teenager. Between hormones and the pressures of school and extra-curricular activities, these kids are tornadoes of emotion.  They're not provoking you deliberately:  they can't help themselves!
   
   
   
   
2. Be there for your teen. I don't just mean emotionally, telling them they can talk to you about anything. I mean physically; the more opportunities they have to encounter you, the more comfortable they'll be in talking to you. Case in point: when I'm up late, Junior will sometimes invite me downstairs for a snack during which we'll cuddle on the couch. We don't have to talk, but on more than once occasion, he's confided in me about something bothering him. SWEET!
   
   
   
   
3. Model what to do when you're having a mood swing. When I get really frustrated or moody, I remove myself from the situation for a bit until I cool down. My son has done the same thing, waiting until he composes himself before talking.
   
   
   
   
4. Invite your teen to be a part of things. One of my son's favorite phrases is “I don't wanna.” That's acceptable sometimes, but not others. When there's a family adventure or one of his sister's gymnastics meets, he is required to attend just as we attend his marching band competitions. It's what WE do as a FAMILY. 
   
   
   
   
5. Teach your teenager to express herself and identify what she's feeling. I get frustrated when my kids don't listen and I tell them that. Give them the language (“torn,” “bittersweet,” “lonely”, “irritated”) to express themselves without resorting to name-calling or profanities.
   
   
   
   
6. Give your kid space. Running after a moody teen does not good. Let them sort it out and be there for when they have.
   
   
   
   
7. Provide outlets for teenager's physical and emotional energy. Exercise is essential for everyone, especially kids at this age. Encourage your kid to join a sport, individual or team, so they get moving.
   
   
   
   
8. Encourage your child to eat right. I've had my son accompany me to the grocery store to pick out healthy foods he'll eat. This way I'm not cooking meals he has no intention of eating while he nukes a burrito. 
   
   
   
   
9. Get them help. If you suspect your child is depressed, drinking, or into drugs, don't hesitate to contact a professional. 
   
   
   
   
10. Give your teen unconditional love. Even when they're at their most annoying, they still need you.
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    

I'm not religious, but I suspect that the “surly years” are Nature's way of pushing our kids away. They're SO nasty, you want them out of the nest! 

As I write this, I can hear my son talking with his friends over his computer. Every once in a while I hear a note or two of the kazoo and am reassured that he's still the sweet, goofy kid I've known his whole life. His mood swings? They're normal. And puberty? We'll get through it together.

Thank you for reading!!!

Quotes About Those Tornadoes Of Nature Known As Teens

Attribution: Justin 1569 at en.wikipedia

My family was wandering through a few shops this weekend, when I spotted the following sign: Warning For Those With Heart Conditions: Teenager On The Premises. My son saw me giggling at it and said, “Thanks, Mom.” I thought it was a fantastic warning, since having a teenager in the house is kind of like having a smoldering fire around at all times; you never know when or where his temper or emotions will flare up.

So I decided to scour the web for other quotes which might amuse me and those of you who know, all-too-well, the dangers of living with a teen. Here are some of my favorites with attributions where I could find them:

• “When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he'd learned in seven years.” (Mark Twain)
• “Adolescence is perhaps nature's way of preparing parents to welcome the empty nest.” (Karen Savage and Patricia Adams, The Good Stepmother)
• “A teen brain is 80% song lyrics.”
• “Why do they rate a movie 'R” for adult language? The only people I hear using that language are teenagers. (Which brings up an amusing conversation I had with my son. He recently told me, laughing, that the 7^th graders in his school curse so much. “Mom,” he said, “they're so immature!”
• “Someone told me I was immature. Guess who's not allowed in my tree-house now?”
• “Adolescence is a period of rapid changes. Between the ages of 12 and 17, for example, a parent ages as much as 20 years.”
• “A babysitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.”
• “It's difficult to decide whether growing pains are something teenagers have — or are.”
• “At sixteen, the adolescent knows about suffering because he himself has suffered, but he barely knows that other beings also suffer.” (Jean-Jacques Rousseau)
• “A teenager is someone who is well-prepared for a zombie attack, but not ready for tomorrow's math quiz.”
• “Teenagers who are never required to vacuum are living in one.” (Fred G. Gosman)
• “You can tell a child is growing up when he stops asking where he came from and starts refusing to tell where he is going.”

And let's not forget this memorable quote from my son who said to his menopausal mom, “It feels like we're both going through adolescence.” He hit the nail right on the head.  Love that kid!

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