A Generic “Playground Aide”? I Don't Think So!

Everyone is justifiably applauding teachers this week. Most go above and beyond the pittance they're paid, dedicating their personal time and often dipping into they own budgets to provide what schools will not or cannot. Similarly, classroom aides work hard to assist their students and mentors in making sure kids are happy and learning. 

One rank of the school system everyone overlooks is me: the playground aide. Low on the educational food chain, my peers and I come in for an hour or two every day to supervise recess, allowing teachers and classroom aides to have their well-deserved lunch. NEVER acknowledged, most of us aren't even known by name. Most kids refer to us as “the aide” if they're talking to someone about us, as if we are generic.

So what does a playground aide do?

Playground aides are important in keeping kids safe!

First and foremost, we protect your children from:

1. Outsiders who may be innocently walking their dogs,joggers working out, and/or predators who “wander” onto the playground during outdoor recess.
   
   
2. Themselves as they run after balls, stand under basketball backstops, and unintentionally chase each other into the woods or into parking lots. 
   
   
3. Parents who think they can just come on over to recess to say “hi” to their kids forgetting that the kids are the school's responsibility during the day. These parents mean no harm, of course, but recess is an important part of a child's school experience. It's important that parents not interfere with their kids' social opportunities. 
   
   
4. Each other as we referee squabbles and are on the constant look-out for bullying. 
   
   
   
   
    
   
   

We get to know your kids as individuals and in groups. We see who they hang with, how those groups interact, and who is most likely to be left out (it can vary from day to day).  We also talk with kids when they are alone, ascertaining whether the kid WANTS to be by him/herself or someone has excluded them (exclusions are addressed quickly). Arguments are taken seriously and talked about with the parties shaking hands or with an understanding nod; if a disagreement cannot be resolved, I send both kids to the school counselor for further consideration. Name calling and bullying are NEVER tolerated. 

My co-workers and I try our best to protect kids against injuries, but, unfortunately, they do happen. Kids carelessly bump heads, basketball players fall in the heat of the game, little ones trip over curbs and fall down walkways when the sun gets in their eyes. My peers and I wipe tears as we guide children to the nurse. Truth be told, WE get injuries too; I'm reminded of this as I look at the scratches I got yesterday trying to rescue a ball from the rosebushes. I'd rather get wounded getting a ball than have a kid get hurt (worst case scenario: the ball stays in the patch of poison ivy). 

While some aides look for reasons to blow their whistles at the kids, I take the motherly approach to being a playground aide: I look for and praise the good in children. Helpers are rewarded with praise, cooperation is copiously thanked, smiles are free and easy. A handful of children take the time to ask my name, wonder if I'm a mom, and tell me about their day. With one eye on the others, I beam at these kids: they make my heart sing! If I see these kids with their parents around town, I take the time to introduce myself to their parents and tell them how incredible their children are. 

So why take on such a humble, low-paying, often thankless job? Because it allows me to contribute to the family financially while still being at home for my younger daughter. I'm on her schedule, never far away and even if she's sick, I'm only away from her for an hour or two. My humble little salary helps pay for snacks, contributes to fundraisers, and allows us to splurge on the occasional ice cream cone. Plus, I LOVE being around kids, even for an hour or two until my own come home. 

Yes, to most of the kids, I am an nonspecific “aide,” or babysitter. To many of the parents, I'm usually a peon who “forgot to remind Jimmy to put on his jacket” (truth is, I reminded Jimmy several times, but I'm not wrestling your little darling into his overcoat on a 75 degree day). To the school administration, I'm a required-by-law body who allows the teachers to get some rest. But to a special handful of children, I'm a friend at recess when their peers abandon them, a protector, and there when they need someone to talk to. And those kids, who know my name, know I'm not generic at all. 

Thanks for reading!!!

Naggings As Old As Time - Momisms

As I wandered the grocery store this morning, my eyes focused on a stunning woman accompanied by her preschool son. In passing, I caught snippets of their conversation, with the boy asking his mom for something and then her reply: 

“But Honey, every time I buy you something you think you'll like you never eat it.”

 “MY GOD,” I thought. “THAT'S MY LINE!”

 

Same basic mom, different day

I continued to listen as the mom listed what her son had asked for in the past (the list was LONG) and how the food had gone bad. She talked about how much food they waste and what a shame it was. I caught her eye. “Been there, done that. I completely understand.” She smiled back, validated.

I'm betting that for centuries, mothers have been giving the same lectures to their kids, with only minor variations. Can you identify with any of these “Momisms”?

• “Honey, I asked you like five times before we left if you have to go. NOW you have to?!!!”
  
  
• “I don't care if all the other parents in the neighborhood (tribe, school, temple, church, caravan, commune, etc.) let their kids do it. I'm your mom and I say NO.”
  
  
• “Your sister (brother, pet, our furniture, rocks, our chariot, etc.) is not food. Don't bite it!”
  
  
• “Try it (the new food). If you don't try it you'll never know if you like it.” (Sidebar: I had to coerce my kids to try pizza. PIZZA!)
  
  
• “Stop yelling/screaming/talking so loudly. You're giving Mommy a headache.”
  
  
  
  

  

  Kids have probably been hearing the same stuff from their moms for centuries.

  
  
  
  
• “Go to bed. NOW. Not in 5 minutes. NOW!”
  
  
• “No, you cannot have a pet (cat, dog, rodent, yak, elephant, snake, etc.). Why? Because I'll wind up taking care of it!”
  
  
• “Get back here and stop running around. NOW!”
  
  
• “You kids are so spoiled! Back in my day....”
  
  
• “Don't make me get up!”
  
  
  
  
  
  

  

  Kids have probably been ignoring Momisms just as long, too!

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• “I don't care who started it, YOU stop it!”
  
  
• “Where do you think YOU'RE going?!”
  
  
• “Someday I hope you have a kid exactly like you!”
  
  
  
  

These Momisms are much easier to take when you're not uttering them.  And kids are a lot easier to take when they're not yours (although other people's children aren't NEARLY as lovable as yours!).

I listen to moms with toddlers and think, “Been there, done that.” I talk with other mothers of teens and ask, “Is this normal?” And I seek the advice of mothers with older kids to get a handle on what's coming up. 

The scoldings, the phrases are as old as mothering. But my favorite “momism”?

I will always love you - no matter what. 

 ---

Thanks for reading!

Please note:  Most of the photos above are courtesy of pixabay.com. 

Allow Your Child THIS Teachable Moment – How To Deal With Not Being Invited

“Sydney is crying,” my friend told me. Sydney is not my friend's daughter, but one of her child's classmates. Sydney had not been invited to a sleepover and her mom was upset with my friend. “I just don't have enough room in my house for everyone we want to invite,” my friend explained. Still, Sydney's mom was pushing hard for her daughter to be invited even though lots of kids had not.

Not being invited conjures up lots of unpleasant emotions

Feeling left out is disappointing. It often brings up feelings of not being good enough, forcing someone to ask “What's wrong with me? Why was I left out?” Obviously, this is an experience no parent wants their child to endure and many, like Sydney's mom, intervene to spare their child's feelings. I've written in the past how I received an email from a mother basically saying, “I invited YOUR child to my kid's birthday party; you HAVE to invite mine to yours.” And while I understand that parents feel the need to advocate for their children: 

coddling like this prevents a kid from learning one of life's most basic lessons: 

you don't get invited to everything. 

So what can you do when your child doesn't get included in an event?  Explore the possible reasons why they were left out which probably have nothing to do with them.  These reasons may include issues such as:

• Space - As with my friend above, her house simply isn't big enough to accommodate everyone they would love to invite.

• Family – Some parents limit events to just family.

• Budget – Parties are expensive resulting in guest lists being limited.

• Social – These include your child simply not playing with a kid anymore or politics (if we invite Caitlyn, then we're obligated to invite her sister because that's Caitlyn's parents' rule).

Ironically, in my experience, the kids often handle these issues of non-inclusion better than the adults. Recently, someone handed out birthday party invitations in front of my daughter. She was not invited. I asked why she had not been and she shrugged, “She's having a video game party and knows I don't like them.” To her, it was no biggie. 

Kids often handle not being invited better than their parents do!

It's important to teach kids that “you can't always get what you want.” 

They need to be able to deal with this disappointment gracefully, without parental interference. My friend stuck to her guns and as sad as Sydney is, if her mom handles the situation right, the child will grow from this experience. 

For more guidance on how to help a child cope when they're not invited to something visit:

• This CNN article entitled “When Your Kid Isn't Invited"

• This article from Huffington Post entitled “Sorry, You Aren't Invited: A Practical Guide to Children's Birthday Party Guest Lists”

How do you handle it when your kids aren't invited to something?  

Getting Your Older Child Back To Sleep

Over the years, my children have periodically had trouble when they would wake up in the middle of the night and couldn't fall back to sleep. This hurt not only them, but my husband (minimally) and me (more, because I'm the one who invariably had to get them back to bed). My husband's first response in these situations was to punish the child. He believed they did it intentionally, as a power thing. I, on the other hand, cannot say no to a child who is honestly struggling with something and seeks help from his/her mother. Having tried his approach first, what I discovered is that when you a punish a child for not sleeping through the night, it makes things worse because that kid is then afraid to go to asleep at all.  Since I'm the Momager of all things child,  

Here's how I've approached the problem:

Helping your older child get back to sleep can be daunting.

1. Rule out the physical. Is there an internal reason the kid is waking up, like having to go to the bathroom? This could be an easy fix like “don't drink so much water before bedtime.” Or is it an external thing waking up the child. For example, is the pet hamster getting on its noisy wheel at 1am (solution: move the pet or bring a noise machine into the room) or the cat jumping on the kid's head (close the door to the room or move the feline to the basement at night).
   
   
   
   
2. Can sensual things help the child get back to sleep? Lavender on the pillow helps many people sleep, noise machines block out too much or too little sound, and softer blankets make it easier to snuggle back to Dreamland.
   
   
   
   
3. Is there something psychological going on? Sometimes a discussion on what's going on in your child's world can reveal the problem. Is there a problem with your child's friends? A daunting, upcoming test? Are they nervous about a sports event?  You can also place a pen and pad of paper next to the kid's bed so he/she can write down what they're thinking when they wake up (A dream? A nightmare?) and what thoughts prevent them from going back to sleep. My daughter asked if she can draw what's bothering her – YES!!! Any way they can achieve peace-of-mind is a good thing.
   
   
   
   
4. How can they help themselves go back to sleep?  By reading for a bit?  Or playing soft music or a book on CD to lull them into unconsciousness?  The idea is to empower them. 

By becoming a co-problem solver, you're strengthening your bond with your child and diffusing the situation.  It's no longer "their" problem; you're working as a team to get through this situation.  

Coming up with innovative sleep solutions can help.

For my son's sleeping problem, the answer came by looking outside the box. We settled on this and it worked: if he really needed to come into our room, he could NOT wake us up. We'd leave blankets and a pillow in a corner of the room so that when he came in, he'd grab them and sleep on the floor. He knew we were near, went back to sleep and we slept through the nice peacefully. Eventually, he outgrew this pattern. 

Now my daughter is facing her own sleeping challenge. At least once a week, she comes looking for me. Sending her back to her room doesn't work since she tearily informs me she just CAN'T go back to sleep. She's tried reading knows she cannot pick up her iPod (the light has been known to throw off circadian rhythms). What I've done is given her a transitional object - something of mine that smells like me. A nightgown works just fine. She wakes up, takes one whiff of the nightgown, smells that Mom is close by, and goes back to sleep.

Will this coping mechanism always work? I don't know, but it is for now. If it doesn't, we'll just brainstorm something else and, if need be, call in a professional for guidance. But I feel that working with the child instead of assuming that they're subconsciously trying to “pull one over on us” IS the answer to helping older children fall back to sleep.

Please that I am not a medical or psychological professional. I am just one mother telling you what's working for me.

What's working, or not working, for you?

Gift Suggestions For Your Budding Musician

My son has been playing the clarinet for 5 years now and I'm delighted that his interest in the instrument is still going strong. He's in the school and marching bands, but what I REALLY love is he breaks it out during the summer just for the pleasure of playing. This year, his sister (now 10) has taken it up and I was ecstatic when, on Thanksgiving, they serenaded me with a duet!

If you've got a developing musician, here are some gift suggestions

 that will strike a chord with them:

For all musicians: 

• electronic tuner                                                  
• music stand

For clarinet players:

• reeds
• a thumbrest cushion (helps maintain the correct finger position), maintenance kit
• a clarinet pad saver (whisks moisture from the pads and tone holes which extends the life of the pads)

For flute players:

• maintenance kit
• pad saver

For saxophone players:

• reeds
• maintenance kit
• pad (see above)
• a better neck strap than what theycurrently have

For oboe players:

• reeds 
• valve oil
• maintenance kit

For trumpet players:

• maintenance kit

For trombone players:

• slide oil
• maintenance kit

And for orchestra kids who play violin/viola:

• shoulder rest,
• violin pitch pipe

Most items are available at your local music store or Amazon.com. You can also download selections from famous musicians for kids to listen to – they love hearing others play the instruments they're learning.

I'm happy that my son uses his instrument for fun and to de-stress. Music is a creative endeavor which stimulates the brain is a great way for them to develop confidence. Grab a few of the items above. They're sure to pleasure your musical child!

As always, thank you for reading!

 

A FREEBIE Kids Can Give That Adults Love To Receive

I always feel sorry for kids around the holidays, birthdays, and whenever it's customary to give someone a present. No matter how big their hearts are, they just don't have any money to spend on those they love. “Oh, it's the thought that counts,”we tell them, and that may be true, but they also know something else: that our society equates money with worth. So children still feel bad when adults take out coins and bills to buy presents and they have nothing to spend. 

Sure, kids are great at making things and older ones can re-gift one of their own possessions (jewelry, gift cards, etc.),  but I was completely ENCHANTED recently when I opened this gift from my 10 year old for my birthday:

Not only had she painted me a lovely picture in all my favorite colors, but taped to the painting was were five envelopes containing coupons she'd thought up. As you can see, they're for things like:

• painting my toes (she knows I enjoy pedicures)
• help cooking (Boy, do I need that one)
• “doing something I don't want to do”
  
  

She also stipulated that one or more “can be re-used.” BRILLIANT!

Yes, I've see coupons before, for things like “kisses,” or “taking out the trash” - thing one hopes kids would do anyway. But to have her sit down and carefully, thoughtfully think about tasks I would genuinely like help with, touched me in a way no other gift has.

–

Now to help YOUR little one, please feel free to copy and/or print out this coupon that they can embellish with a drawing or sticker, fill in and give when it's customary or just because they feel like it:

And as always:

Thanks for reading!

10 Ways To Deal With Your Teenager's Mood Swings

My son was the most agreeable, mild-mannered kid...until he hit puberty. Then, over the course of the next three years, he turned into a monosyllabic behemoth who only wants to play with his friends on the computer. As much as I love him (and I do, COMPLETELY), I only know he's alive when 1) I hear the toilet flush 2) he comes down to the kitchen to forage for food.

After a LOT of reading (books, on the Web) and talking to other parents as well as a few counselors, here are

10 Tips To Deal With Your Teenager's Mood Swings

1. Don't take it personally. This is not about you, it's all about your teenager. Between hormones and the pressures of school and extra-curricular activities, these kids are tornadoes of emotion.  They're not provoking you deliberately:  they can't help themselves!
   
   
   
   
2. Be there for your teen. I don't just mean emotionally, telling them they can talk to you about anything. I mean physically; the more opportunities they have to encounter you, the more comfortable they'll be in talking to you. Case in point: when I'm up late, Junior will sometimes invite me downstairs for a snack during which we'll cuddle on the couch. We don't have to talk, but on more than once occasion, he's confided in me about something bothering him. SWEET!
   
   
   
   
3. Model what to do when you're having a mood swing. When I get really frustrated or moody, I remove myself from the situation for a bit until I cool down. My son has done the same thing, waiting until he composes himself before talking.
   
   
   
   
4. Invite your teen to be a part of things. One of my son's favorite phrases is “I don't wanna.” That's acceptable sometimes, but not others. When there's a family adventure or one of his sister's gymnastics meets, he is required to attend just as we attend his marching band competitions. It's what WE do as a FAMILY. 
   
   
   
   
5. Teach your teenager to express herself and identify what she's feeling. I get frustrated when my kids don't listen and I tell them that. Give them the language (“torn,” “bittersweet,” “lonely”, “irritated”) to express themselves without resorting to name-calling or profanities.
   
   
   
   
6. Give your kid space. Running after a moody teen does not good. Let them sort it out and be there for when they have.
   
   
   
   
7. Provide outlets for teenager's physical and emotional energy. Exercise is essential for everyone, especially kids at this age. Encourage your kid to join a sport, individual or team, so they get moving.
   
   
   
   
8. Encourage your child to eat right. I've had my son accompany me to the grocery store to pick out healthy foods he'll eat. This way I'm not cooking meals he has no intention of eating while he nukes a burrito. 
   
   
   
   
9. Get them help. If you suspect your child is depressed, drinking, or into drugs, don't hesitate to contact a professional. 
   
   
   
   
10. Give your teen unconditional love. Even when they're at their most annoying, they still need you.
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    

I'm not religious, but I suspect that the “surly years” are Nature's way of pushing our kids away. They're SO nasty, you want them out of the nest! 

As I write this, I can hear my son talking with his friends over his computer. Every once in a while I hear a note or two of the kazoo and am reassured that he's still the sweet, goofy kid I've known his whole life. His mood swings? They're normal. And puberty? We'll get through it together.

Thank you for reading!!!

Taking A Bite Out Of The Greed This Halloween

Halloween has gotten SO complicated! When I was growing up, it was about home-made costumes, running around the neighborhood with your friends, and, yes, getting candy. Mom took my brother and me around for a bit, we scored some sugar, and then came the REAL FUN: seeing what we'd gotten and trading for our favorites.

We approached these negotiations like leaders of countries discussing world peace. 

 

Since becoming a parent, however, and in maybe the last ten years, Halloween has become MASSIVE.  Costumes are upwards of $40 for just ONE day of trick-or-treating, some houses are decked out in macabre displays which (I think) gratify gore, and kids just seem a lot greedier.

Some children arrive at my house like desperate drug addicts, aching to score more of that almighty drug, SUGAR.

 (And, no this is not a diatribe on the dangers of sugar.  Not from this Snickers-lover!)

A few years ago, I got fed up with my daughter's candy craze. After getting so much candy that I had to carry it, I announced it was time to go home. Her eyes grew wide as her friends gave her sympathetic looks. “But why,” she wailed.

 

"Because it's time to give back," I replied.

  

As I guided her back to the house, I explained that it was time for HER to give to other kids. Our block was teaming with children and I wanted to show her that part of the fun of Halloween was seeing how other kids are dressed and the joy on their faces when THEY got candy.

It was only seconds after we got into the house that the doorbell rang. Her pout turned to a smile as she opened the door to a witch, a baseball player and a tiny Hulk. Her generous side exploded as I had to stop her from giving the kids WAAAY too much candy at a time. 

At the end of the night, she announced, “Mom, I liked trick-or-treating, but giving out the candy was more fun.” That's my girl.

This year we'll expand on the giving aspect by donating a portion of her candy to Operation Shoebox which sends heat-resistant candy (chocolate melts) to the troops. Sure, the local dentist buys it back and some charities give it out to the homeless, but the latter doesn't make sense to me: why give candy to people who can't afford dental care. Besides, we've talked before about how much the troops sacrifice for us. 

This year, we REALLY give back.

Halloween has gotten complicated. Giving has not. 

When WE take the frenzy out of the holiday and show children how to embrace their inner generosity, they learn that giving IS a really pleasurable experience.  

Maybe almost as pleasurable as sugar!

  

–

And as always, thanks for reading!

What To Bring To A Marching Band Competition When You're A Spectator

My teenager decided to join the Marching Band this year and I'm thrilled! Not only is he having fun, but he's getting exercise, making new friends, is learning military-style discipline, and is using the $600 clarinet we bought him years ago. But the world of Marching Band, football games and competitions is new to me. If it's new to you, too, here's what I've learned:  

What To Bring To A Marching Band Competition When You're A Spectator

1. Cash – Schools do not take credit cards. Admission thus far has run the gamut from $8 per adult to $12 per adult with kids' rates much lower, so pack cash. Also, the Host Band usually sells snacks to raise funds for the band; it's always nice to buy a snack or two to support them.
   
   
   
   
2. Water And Food – Yes, I know I said to support the Host Band, but these competitions can get expensive! And the food they sell isn't always the most nutritious. I pack a bag with dinner (sandwiches, chicken nuggets), water, and dessert (apples, cheese, grapes). This way, my husband, daughter, and I are getting healthy food and if my daughter wants a snack later, at least she's had a good dinner. 
   
   
    
3. Stuff For Siblings To Do – Competitions can last many hours and the show doesn't always captivate younger viewers. Keep them entertained and ensure that YOU get to watch the show by bringing a coloring book and crayons, books, etc. 
   
   
   
   
4. A Blanket – The Northeast gets COLD in the fall and there's nothing like snuggling under a nice, warm blanket while you're watching the bands perform.
   
   
    
5. Stadium Cushions – I've talked to other band parents who are touting expensive stadium cushions complete with backs on them. As the person sitting behind those people, I can tell you that those seats hang over the bleachers and are a pain for the person behind you. I just ordered these cushions from Amazon and I expect they'll keep our tushies from turning into buttsickles.
    
   
   
6. Extra Warm Clothes - As I said, these events are LONG and temperatures drop.  Bring that extra sweatshirt, wear warm socks, and snuggle under the aforementioned blanket.
    
   

Obviously, it's important to remember your manners at Marching Band Competitions. 

Spectator Etiquette means:

• Support ALL of the bands, not just yours. Applaud and cheer when they do a good job (and applaud even if they don't – they're trying, after all).
  
  
• Don't leave or enter the stadium while a band is performing. It's disrespectful and distracting. 
  
  
• Avoid unnecessary talking during performances. Show some respect for the performers!
  
  
• Silence your cellphone or set it to vibrate and NEVER talk on your phone while a band is playing. It's just downright rude!
  
  
• Don't obstruct the view of others. Everyone wants to watch.
  
  
• Don't let younger children play in the stands or distract other spectators. If your child can't sit still or behave, take them to another area.  And remember that YOU'RE responsible for watching YOUR child.
  
  
• Support the Host Band financially (within reason) by visiting their concession stand.
  
  
  
  

Lastly, ENJOY THE SHOW! Each time I go to a competition, my breath is taken away not only by my son's band, but by the music, choreography, costumes, and flags! These kids put hours and hours into their performances. They work hard and as parents, we've worked hard to support them. These competitions and games are the fruition of their hard work and dedication.

ENJOY THE PAGEANTRY OF MARCHING BAND COMPETITIONS!

Have I missed something? Please comment! 

And as always, thank you for visiting my blog!

10 To-Dos Before School Starts

Okay, so the back-to-school commercials were out before the kids here in the Northeast were even OUT of school (and, by the way, Halloween merchandise has been in the stores around here for at least two weeks). But with tomorrow being August 1^st and many institutions of higher learning starting before Labor Day, it may be time to turn a tiny portion of our parental brains toward the first day of school because many things will not wait until that fateful day. 

 

So here are 10 suggestions of things you might want to handle on sooner rather than later:

1. Scheduling the kids yearly physicals and eye exams. If you haven't made an appointment with your pediatrician, you're behind the curve already! According to my doctor's office, phone calls started flooding in back in Spring, so bite the bullet and schedule one for your child today. I usually wait until Fall anyway so I can get the kids their flu shots with their physicals. Eye exams tend to be less pressing, so I never have trouble getting them in to see our beloved optometrist; the problem then becomes fitting the appointment in with the kids' busy schedules.
   
   
   
   
2. Check your school supplies closet/drawer/basket – whatever. I've wasted plenty of money buying supplies I already had (what am I gonna do with 50 Office Depot erasers). Make a list of what you already have so you can bring it when you go back-to-school shopping. 
   
   
   
   
3. Clean out last year's backpacks. In June, my children gleefully throw their backpacks into the closet and don't want to see them for the next two months. Sneak a peak and see if you can salvage any old supplies. I grab any notebooks containing blank paper and I use them for my writing and lists; pencils and pens go into pencil cups around the house; markers are placed in Ziploc bags for arts and crafts projects; and old smocks get washed for use next year. As for old, broken crayons, there are thousands of websites on the Web with ideas for how to re-use them (ThriftyFun is one), but even if you're not crafty, you can send them away to the Crazy Crayons where they'll be recycled and not wind up in landfills.  Oh, and if you need guidance on how to choose a backpack for the upcoming year, read this.
   
   
   
   
4. Inspect old backpacks and lunch sacks. I bought these reusable sandwich/snack bags (see below) at Walmart last year. They're washable and can be used from year to year. Similarly, unless a lunch sack has last year's favorite TV character or band, see if you can sell your kid on the concept of re-using it by updating, perhaps by letting them draw on it or adding a glue-on patch. Honestly, with my kids living in their backpacks throughout the school year, their old backpacks aren't usable from year to year, BUT they do make great library bags, gym bags, and can be hung in their rooms to hold stuffed animals, etc. 
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
5. Take look at their Fall clothes. In my area, it's HOT the first few weeks of school. No matter what the commercials on TV show, they do not need new sweaters on the first day of the academic year. Sure, I'll buy both kids new sneakers (because they ALWAYS need them) and will buy Diva one new shirt just to make her feel special, but otherwise, they're not getting new outfits unless they really, truly need them.
   
   
   
   
6. Make any before-chool purchases you need to. Sometimes you need to pre-order lunches and supplies. Check your school's website for information.
   
   
   
   
7. Send any musical instruments out for tune-ups (pun intended). My son plays the clarinet and every year we have it sent out for cleaning. That way it's pristine for Band in the Fall. Oh, and if your child will be starting to play an instrument, now is the time to shop around for the best rental price.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
8. Document the Summer while it's fresh in your mind. If you're waaaay behind in your scrapbooking like I am, make a list of what the kids did this summer so you can remember when you finally do get around to ordering your photobooks (or doing it by hand like I do). It's too easy to forget the nuances of the Summer.
   
   
   
   
9. Stock up on anti-lice shampoo and/or conditioner.  Kids come back from camp with those critters and even if your kids haven't gone, there's ALWAYS a lice outbreak every fall. I swear by Fairy Tales conditioner! My daughter has long, lush hair and even when she was exposed to lice by a neighbor's kid who literally had bugs crawling in her hair, Diva never contracted it. Fairy Tales smells like amazing; it contains rosemary, citronella, tea tree, lemongrass, peppermint, sage. School nurses SWEAR by this stuff and so do I!
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
    
10. Stock up on clothes and footwear for next Summer. This stuff is on sale now to make way for Fall and Winter merchandise. If you have a sense of how much your child will grow over the course of the year (the Teen is a crapshoot), now is the time to buy flip flops and bathing suits in a bigger size.
    
    

And, of course, enjoy the rest of the Summer!  Your children will never be younger than they are now. All too soon, they'll be out on their own. Have fun with them while you can and cherish almost all the moments (because, let's face it, not all are rainbows and lollipops) with your kids.

Happy Rest Of Summer! 

Thanks for reading!

What You MUST Know About Your Children's Friends And Why

Tis the season when children are finishing the school year and getting ready to embark on a summer full of activities and new friends. Of course, friendships are important and rewarding, but think about the powerful influence friends have over children. Undesirable behaviors and language are contagious as are concerns about body image and eating. Bullying can also rear its ugly head, even amongst “friends.” 

So here's what you need to know about your kid's peers and why:

1. How they behave when they're with your child.  
   Observe the interaction between the kids, especially when they think you're not watching or listening. One of my daughter's friends threatened to “tell your mom on you” when the child was at my house. This later turned into a bullying issue that manifested itself at school. Listen for inappropriate language and whether they try to get around your House Rules. (Note: You can also learn a lot about YOUR child when you listen to them play with their friends.)
   
   
   
   
   
   
2. Who their parents are. What are their parenting styles and values? Do they smoke or let their
   kids do things you wouldn't let your kid do (run wild in the neighborhood, watch/listen to inappropriate media, etc.)?
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
3. How they interact with you. Is the child polite and respectful of adults? Does the child have manners? I've had kids go into my refrigerator and start rummaging through, looking for a snack. Others have demanded food instead of asking. And one kid decided to swing off a curtain rod (she didn't come back here again). Remember that behaviors spread and, honestly, I have NO problem reprimanding a guest.
   
   
   
   
4. Who your child's friends' other friends are. You can tell a lot about a person by the company they keep. Do they hang out with snobby kids or an older, faster crowd?
   
   
   
   
5. What kind of student your child's friend is. If the friend is one who believes in working hard and getting their homework done, it can inspire your child to do their best, too. But, if the friend hates school and slacks off, that will also influence your kid. 
   
   
   
   
   
6. Whether there are other family members or visitors in the child's household that you need to be aware of. This is especially true if your kid is having a playdate or going over the other person's house. Are there older siblings who might exhibit inappropriate behavior? Is there a nanny who will be taking care of the kids? One mother didn't tell me that she wouldn't be home for a playdate and that the nanny would be taking care of the kids. Since I didn't know the nanny, I was not okay with that!
   
   

When in doubt about the friend's family, try to get to know them by staying for a playdate or asking about them. I invite parents to come and stay! I get to know them and they see that we don't have any drugs, firearms, etc. around the house. One woman told me she'd asked around before letting her son come to play. I thought that was BRILLIANT and praised her for it. 

Friends have a powerful influence over our kids. 

Children are exposed to new ideas, values, and behaviors as a result of those relationships. By knowing as much as possible about who our children are hanging with, we can protect and teach our children what WE value and what needs to be left behind.