Yell With Me, Parents! Schools Need To Cool It On This

It's December and the kids have been in school a mere four months or 16 weeks, to be exact. With school supplies and the holidays coming up, the last quarter of the year is always hectic and expensive. 

Yet, in the midst of all this activity

 we've been hit with 24 school-related fundraisers!  WTF!

I've been pressured to buy Scholastic Books, overpriced wrapping paper, candy, coupon books, gifts for underprivileged kids, and an assortment of school logo clothing. We've been asked to bring in unused clothes, cans of food, new books, school supplies, water bottles, and snacks. And my kids have come home enthusiastically asking us for financial contributions to The American Heart Association and for us to sponsor various “a-thons” like “walk a-thons,” “jump-rope a-thons,” and “cartwheel a-thons.” 

Now I understand that the PTA needs to raise money for equipment that public schools can no longer provide (although I question why they spend an insane amount on incidentals like decorating for the faculty luncheon and top-of-the-line flowers for outdoor plantings). And it's wonderfully altruistic to raise money for those in need. I believe it's vital for children to know it's their duty to give and be thankful for all that they have.  

 BUT THIS CONSTANT ASKING FOR STUFF HAS GOT TO STOP!

The kids feel pressure to give and most of us are getting damn sick of being asked to give, give, give until we have nothing left! 

I was at yet another fundraiser last night. Teachers were reading at our Barnes & Noble. The kids were excited to hear their teachers (whom they've spent all day with) reading a book in the Kids' section. Of course, the PTA had boxes set up asking parents to donate (aka BUY) a book for the classrooms and the organization would get 5% of all sales for the event. Parents around me were grumbling. “It's the middle of Hanukkah, my kids have already gotten presents with more to come, and now they want me to spend a lot of money for books for the classroom,” one mother said. “My kids want me to give, but I just can't anymore,” said another. I empathized.

My family gives to charity.  We write checks to various organizations.  And I love donating used goods and food for those in need.

 But those are causes WE choose to give to, 

not ones my kids are pressured to support!

 

24 fundraisers in 16 weeks? That's sick! If I get one more email starting with “in this season of giving” I'm going to barf. Of course, if I take it up with the PTA, I'm going to look like Scrooge, so gritting my teeth is the only option. That and I'm reminded that it's time to have another talk with my kids about how WE make choices with our money and don't give in to peer pressure, even from the schools, on how we disperse our funds. We're tapped out. 

How do you feel about this?  Comment below, please! 

 

Taking A Bite Out Of The Greed This Halloween

Halloween has gotten SO complicated! When I was growing up, it was about home-made costumes, running around the neighborhood with your friends, and, yes, getting candy. Mom took my brother and me around for a bit, we scored some sugar, and then came the REAL FUN: seeing what we'd gotten and trading for our favorites.

We approached these negotiations like leaders of countries discussing world peace. 

 

Since becoming a parent, however, and in maybe the last ten years, Halloween has become MASSIVE.  Costumes are upwards of $40 for just ONE day of trick-or-treating, some houses are decked out in macabre displays which (I think) gratify gore, and kids just seem a lot greedier.

Some children arrive at my house like desperate drug addicts, aching to score more of that almighty drug, SUGAR.

 (And, no this is not a diatribe on the dangers of sugar.  Not from this Snickers-lover!)

A few years ago, I got fed up with my daughter's candy craze. After getting so much candy that I had to carry it, I announced it was time to go home. Her eyes grew wide as her friends gave her sympathetic looks. “But why,” she wailed.

 

"Because it's time to give back," I replied.

  

As I guided her back to the house, I explained that it was time for HER to give to other kids. Our block was teaming with children and I wanted to show her that part of the fun of Halloween was seeing how other kids are dressed and the joy on their faces when THEY got candy.

It was only seconds after we got into the house that the doorbell rang. Her pout turned to a smile as she opened the door to a witch, a baseball player and a tiny Hulk. Her generous side exploded as I had to stop her from giving the kids WAAAY too much candy at a time. 

At the end of the night, she announced, “Mom, I liked trick-or-treating, but giving out the candy was more fun.” That's my girl.

This year we'll expand on the giving aspect by donating a portion of her candy to Operation Shoebox which sends heat-resistant candy (chocolate melts) to the troops. Sure, the local dentist buys it back and some charities give it out to the homeless, but the latter doesn't make sense to me: why give candy to people who can't afford dental care. Besides, we've talked before about how much the troops sacrifice for us. 

This year, we REALLY give back.

Halloween has gotten complicated. Giving has not. 

When WE take the frenzy out of the holiday and show children how to embrace their inner generosity, they learn that giving IS a really pleasurable experience.  

Maybe almost as pleasurable as sugar!

  

–

And as always, thanks for reading!

Forget "Hinting Season"! My NO-FAIL Strategy For Gift Giving (And Getting) This Holiday Season

I see that “Hinting Season” is trending on Twitter today and I'm assuming this is where you hint about what you want for the holidays. The problem is:

Hints may not be strong enough for someone who's oblivious (albeit well-intending) because no matter how much you hint, you may still not get what you want. 

This is what I got when I hinted for a Valentine's Day Gift - SO UNROMANTIC!

I learned this years ago when I hinted to my new husband that I wanted something cute, practical, and unique for Valentine's Day. I don't remember what I was after, but I know what I got: a set of 3 canisters in the shape of geese.  It was probably the most unromantic gift anyone had ever given me but, in his mind, it fit the bill. They were cute, it was practical, and the set was certainly unique. I, however, wasn't too pleased. 

 

That was when I came up with this shamelessly brilliant way for someone to get the gifts they want. Now, everyone in the family uses it. Here's how it works:

1.  Have the person you're giving to make a list of the 7 or so things that they want, kind of like a gift registry. If I'm the receiver and see those things in the stores, I take pictures and IM them to him along with the store name, location in the store (very important!), price, item number (if possible), etc. If they're in a catalog or sales circular, I give my husband the catalog/circular with all of the data circled. If our budget is tight, I make sure that some items are far cheaper than others; this also helps for when the kids want to buy stuff with their own money. Tip: keep a back-up of all this stuff, if possible. Oblivious or super-busy people tend to lose things. 

2.  The receiver MUST give as much information on those items as possible!   This HAS to be  fool-proof; otherwise, the receiver cannot blame the giver for not trying.  

The brilliance comes in the fact that the receiver does, indeed, want every item on that list even though they know they're not going to get them all. But there's absolutely no guessing involved on the part of the giver!   Short of taking his hand and leading him to the merchandise, there's nothing he has to do but fetch. And, since I, as the receiver, don't know which items I'm getting, it's still a surprise to me. It's sort of like Santa's list but far more precise. 

 

This is great, too, for when hubby takes the kids shopping with him. All he has to do is show a item to my daughter and, like the budding shop-a-holic she is, she finds it (of course, at her age, it's impossible for her to keep it a secret).

Do I, as the receiver, care that I know how much something costs? No! Does this rob the giver finding someone “the perfect gift”? Yes, but personally, I'd rather get someone what they want than risk spending my time and creative juices on something they're going to hate and have to take back. Is this concept too bold, too nervy? Possibly, but not if you ask the givers (and receivers) what they think about the concept ahead of time. I mean, I'd never presume someone was going to get me a gift. 

It's been a successful method for us for the last 15 years or so and, like a gift registry, it makes sure that we get what we want, don't waste money on items that are unappreciated, and makes shopping far easier and less of a wild goose chase. 

Discuss it with your loved ones, give it a shot and see if this strategy works for you.