Connecticut Kindergarten Form Asks Parents If They Had Vaginal Births Or C-Sections: Why Ask & Why Answer?!

Seizing my attention recently was this New York Times article which told of the Aiken Elementary School in West Hartford, Connecticut and one of the questions on its application for kindergarten: 

In the article, Cara Paiuk tells of her outrage that this question is asked. How intrusive!  How personal!  She followed up with school officials  as to why the question was asked.  They replied that they're looking for any signs of birth trauma so that if an administrator perceives any problems with the child (learning, behavioral), the nurse could pull up the kid's chart to look for clues to the problem. School officials were also surprised because apparently, Paiuk is the first person ever to challenge this question. 

As the mother of a biological child and one who was adopted, all I can say is, “Wow!” The NERVE of those administrators!

Sure, a physician is entitled to ask that question or, perhaps, a counselor, but THE PUBLIC SCHOOL SYSTEM?! There are many factors that can contribute to behavioral problems and birth is only one. It is not for the schools to ask that, but medical and psychological professionals. 

Seriously? Are we 

THAT conditioned to filling out forms that 

we provide ALL the information asked, no matter how intrusive 

it is! 

Do we mindlessly fill out forms without thought as to why those questions are being asked, what will be done with the information provided, who will SEE that data (insurance companies, employers), and what the long-term ramifications of providing that information might be?!

I don't know what kind of birth my daughter had; there's no way to find out and, honestly, I don't care. Any mild issues that have occurred with her were a result of fatigue or just her normal stage of development that we had trouble dealing with.  No one ever asked or even questioned whether it was because she was adopted. We've dealt with who she is, not where she came from. 

It is not up to school administrators to diagnose on their own. Any behavioral problems, I feel, require a team effort with parents, guidance counselors, teachers, and medical/psychological professionals all weighing in. 

As for those school officials and anyone who doesn't see what the big deal is about the question, my gut feel is that no administration likes to have its feathers ruffled. It's easier to say, “it's always be there” or “we've always done that” than to change the system when someone points out a flaw. 

Hopefully, the publicity this issue has raised will prompt other schools (private, public, pre-school, etc.) to periodically LOOK at their forms to see if they make sense.

And let's remember that it's up to US to look at what we're filling out, what we're signing, what kind of information we're giving away and, sometimes, leave the line blank. 

How Was Your First Day Of School Without Kids?

 

Last night, the one before the kids went back to school, my husband asked, “Is this like Christmas Eve for you?” He's referring to the fact that I recently wrote about how I am DONE with Summer Vacation (to visit that post on Jersey Moms Blog, click here). I love my children, but I need to get stuff done without hearing, “MOM!” every time I sit down to do something.

No, last night was not like Christmas Eve. As anyone with school-age children knows, there's a lot of prep work to get kids ready for their first day. There are lunches to pack, snacks to prepare, forms which need to be filled out and placed in backpacks, supplies to send, etc. And, of course, Junior, who is starting high school, realized at the 11^th hour that he needed to get his 3-ring binder in order. Then I needed to make sure both kids were showered and had their clothes ready for the early-morning wake-up call.

After all that was done and everyone, including hubby, was asleep, I could not. Like a movie, every time I closed my eyes, I saw my kids, at various ages, flash before my eyes. I watched my son, who every day gets closer to leaving the nest, progress from kindergarten up to 9^th grade. I saw my daughter standing on the blacktop as Junior stood in line for first grade. Then I viewed her progress through pre-school up to 3^rd grade. Like an hourglass, I could feel the sands of time slipping through my fingers.

As I went downstairs to escape the movie playing in my head, I felt guilty. I've done quite a bit of complaining about the kids this Summer. I've played social director, taxi, maid, referee, tour guide, laundress, and many other roles throughout the hot months. I've honestly tried to give them a good vacation, despite their reluctance to go anywhere that would take them away from either a computer or television screen. I reviewed schoolwork with Lily (who has asked that she not be called Diva in any of my blogs anymore) to keep her sharp and encouraged Junior to keep up with his clarinet playing. And I did all that while trying to stay within our budget. Still, since my husband works late and I'm essentially a single mom during the week, I was stretched to my limit. I yelled waaaay too much, explaining to the kids how frustrated I was. As good as I was, I feel I could have been better. Wracked with so many thoughts, sleep did not come for more than 2 hours.

After getting them to school this morning, I thought I would miss them, but was so busy during the day that I barely did. People often wonder what I do during the day with both kids in school. Plenty! My house has many, many projects I could not do with kids underfoot. It, along with my sadly-neglected car, needs a thorough cleaning. Closets need to be organized, toys must be purged, the garage needs organizing, I'm woefully behind with scrapbooking, and there's so much writing to do since I write for four blogs.

Today, after they came home, there was a mountain of paperwork to be signed and initialed. Lily has gymnastics, dinner has to be made, and things made ready for the morning. Of course, Junior just handed me a list of supplies he needs by tomorrow, so I've got to figure out which store I'll visit tonight that won't have me waiting on line at the register for more than an hour.

 

Last night lacked the anticipation of Christmas Eve. But it did hold religious meaning. I am eternally grateful to The Almighty for giving me these children, these miraculous human beings who make my life so rich and drive me crazy in the process. They make me happy in ways I never could have imagined. Now, their growing gives me time to get things done I could not while they were here.

~~

Thanks for reading!