5 Benefits That Happened When I Stopped Trying To Please Other People

The most AMAZING thing I've discovered about getting older is the ability to let the chaff go and keep the wheat, or in layperson's terms, letting go of the bullshit in life.  I'm talking about the pressure people and society put on us all to be politically-correct, fit in with whatever group we're facing, and succumb to the pressures of others, especially family.

I've realized that life is too short to spend hiding within others' expectations of me. And I've unearthed at least 5 benefits that happened when I stopped trying to please those around me: 

1. I accept myself for who I am, imperfections and all.
   For years, someone close has told me I'm overweight, which I am. But every time I'd put a morsel of food in my mouth, he'd stare at me, disapproving, subconsciously shaming me into dieting. No more! Yes, I'm eating healthy most of the time, but here's a shocker as well: 
   
   
   
   
   My body is beautiful, curves and all! It works as it should.
   
   
   
   
   It is SEXY, vibrant. And because of this realization, I am more confident about my physical self than I've been in years. That confidence itself, makes me even more appealing. I LIKE what I look like!
   
   
   
   
    
   
   
   
   
2. I'm using less energy living up to the expectations of others. 
   The word “no” is a bigger part of my vocabulary without regrets later on. Will I chair a PTA committee I'd hate? No. Will I take the son with two beautifully working legs to a friend's house five blocks away because he doesn't “feel” like walking. No. Will I clean the house to my husband's unrealistic standards? Not a chance. I do what I need to do, what I like to do, and let others live up to their own self-imposed “shoulds.” Their issues are no longer mine.
   
   
   
   
   
   
3. I'm connecting with people more freely and have realized that I'm a genuinely nice person.  
   When there's no hidden agenda, no “I hope they like me” thoughts, it's easier for me to be myself, to be kind because I want to be, not because I “have” to be. I'm free to be considerate for no other reason than that it feels good.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
    
   
4. I'm not controlled by family. Too often we do things because we “have to” for people who show no gratitude. Then we kick ourselves because we feel we've been taken advantage of. By putting my foot down and not caring what they think merely because they're part of that extremely powerful moniker known as FAMILY, I've rid myself of many people who were a negative influence on me. I'm attracting friends whom I want to help and who want to help me when I'm down. 
   
   
   
   
   
   
5. I'm relying on myself for my happiness and spending more time determining how to do that. 
   I exercise because I want to, garden because the results make me happy, and write, not out of a sense of obligation, but because I genuinely like it.  I'm playing with my children because they're fun, laughing more than disciplining them over the little things, and letting them do more for themselves. 

Do I have fewer people around me? Sure, but those people are of a higher caliper than the ones before. Am I still overweight? Maybe and it doesn't matter because I know that I'm beautiful no matter what the number on the scale shows.

Am I selfish? Nope. I'm self-affirming, choosing self-nurturing over indentured servitude. 

And I'm definitely happier, with more items on my nightly Gratitude List than ever before. Not caring has given me the freedom to make choices that please me. And that, my friends, is an incredible feeling.

Give it a try and let me know what YOU think (if it pleases you).

In Honor Of National Pet Day: 5 Tips For Choosing The RIGHT Pet For Your Family

It's National Pet Day and while everyone is focusing, rightly so, on pet adoptions, the first thing you REALLY need to consider when thinking about a pet is:

HOW DO YOU FIND THE RIGHT PET? 

We wanted a dog, but a cat fits our lifestyle better.

Here are some tips:

1. Consider the time you have to devote to and take care of a pet.  Are both adults working? Are the kids old enough to responsibly care for one? This will help you determine if you need a low-maintenance animal (like a fish or cat) or can handle one that requires more care (like dogs or large birds).
   
   
2. Think about health issues. Sure, you might want a rabbit, but if someone in the family is allergic, you can rule that one out. 
   
   
3. Take into account where you live. Do you live in a high-rise in the city or have you got some land. You don't want to cram a large dog into small living quarters. Do you live in condo where pets may be frowned upon? 
   
   
4. Discuss any fears family members might have. I love snakes but am afraid of the live crickets I'd have to feed them, plus my husband fears these reptiles, so snakes are not welcome in my home.
   
   

5. 

   LOVE guinea pigs, but I'm allergic.  No piggies for us.

   Hold a family meeting to discuss the plan, stressing that finding the RIGHT pet can take quite a bit of time.  This is not a decision to be made lightly.  Plan on visiting a number of pet stores and/or shelters to find the right fit for your family.   
   
   
   
   
   
   

Once you think you've narrowed down the type of pet you want, research it, speak with people who have that pet, grill the salespeople at your local pet store (if they carry that animal) or at your local shelter.

It's better to know as much as you can, so you make the RIGHT decision.

What kind of pet do YOU have?  And if you don't, what kind would you like if you could have ANY animal?

I would LOVE a hedgehog!

How Was Your First Day Of School Without Kids?

 

Last night, the one before the kids went back to school, my husband asked, “Is this like Christmas Eve for you?” He's referring to the fact that I recently wrote about how I am DONE with Summer Vacation (to visit that post on Jersey Moms Blog, click here). I love my children, but I need to get stuff done without hearing, “MOM!” every time I sit down to do something.

No, last night was not like Christmas Eve. As anyone with school-age children knows, there's a lot of prep work to get kids ready for their first day. There are lunches to pack, snacks to prepare, forms which need to be filled out and placed in backpacks, supplies to send, etc. And, of course, Junior, who is starting high school, realized at the 11^th hour that he needed to get his 3-ring binder in order. Then I needed to make sure both kids were showered and had their clothes ready for the early-morning wake-up call.

After all that was done and everyone, including hubby, was asleep, I could not. Like a movie, every time I closed my eyes, I saw my kids, at various ages, flash before my eyes. I watched my son, who every day gets closer to leaving the nest, progress from kindergarten up to 9^th grade. I saw my daughter standing on the blacktop as Junior stood in line for first grade. Then I viewed her progress through pre-school up to 3^rd grade. Like an hourglass, I could feel the sands of time slipping through my fingers.

As I went downstairs to escape the movie playing in my head, I felt guilty. I've done quite a bit of complaining about the kids this Summer. I've played social director, taxi, maid, referee, tour guide, laundress, and many other roles throughout the hot months. I've honestly tried to give them a good vacation, despite their reluctance to go anywhere that would take them away from either a computer or television screen. I reviewed schoolwork with Lily (who has asked that she not be called Diva in any of my blogs anymore) to keep her sharp and encouraged Junior to keep up with his clarinet playing. And I did all that while trying to stay within our budget. Still, since my husband works late and I'm essentially a single mom during the week, I was stretched to my limit. I yelled waaaay too much, explaining to the kids how frustrated I was. As good as I was, I feel I could have been better. Wracked with so many thoughts, sleep did not come for more than 2 hours.

After getting them to school this morning, I thought I would miss them, but was so busy during the day that I barely did. People often wonder what I do during the day with both kids in school. Plenty! My house has many, many projects I could not do with kids underfoot. It, along with my sadly-neglected car, needs a thorough cleaning. Closets need to be organized, toys must be purged, the garage needs organizing, I'm woefully behind with scrapbooking, and there's so much writing to do since I write for four blogs.

Today, after they came home, there was a mountain of paperwork to be signed and initialed. Lily has gymnastics, dinner has to be made, and things made ready for the morning. Of course, Junior just handed me a list of supplies he needs by tomorrow, so I've got to figure out which store I'll visit tonight that won't have me waiting on line at the register for more than an hour.

 

Last night lacked the anticipation of Christmas Eve. But it did hold religious meaning. I am eternally grateful to The Almighty for giving me these children, these miraculous human beings who make my life so rich and drive me crazy in the process. They make me happy in ways I never could have imagined. Now, their growing gives me time to get things done I could not while they were here.

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Thanks for reading!   

10 Things To Do Before The Kids Go Back To School

Although no one, except retailers, wants to think about the end of Summer, it's only 7 weeks until my kids go back to school. And there's still SO MUCH to do! Here's a list of things you might want to accomplish before sending the minions off with their backpacks to another year of higher education:

1. Make a list of places/activities you want to see/do before the Summer ends. These are things you will regret if they're not done. For us, there are some water-parks we want to visit, friends we need to see, etc.  Try to end the Summer with no regrets!
   
   
2. Buy bathing suits and Summer-related items now, while they're on sale. Stores are busy stocking up for Fall and Winter and you can get some great buys now. I know Diva is going to be at least one size larger next year (all bets are out on the Teen who might wind up being 8' tall by the end of August), so buying bathing suits in a Large is a no-brainer. 
   
   
3. Take inventory of your in-house school supplies. It's time for me to empty out the old backpacks and put away any supplies the kids have sent home. Then I'll take stock so I can replenish our School Supply Cabinet in anticipation of the coming year.
   
   
4. Evaluate backpacks and lunch sacs to see if the kids will need new ones. By September, the stores will probably be low on both, so seize the moment!
   
   
5. Make sure you've gotten any necessary doctors' visits in. I dropped the ball on this one and now the kids aren't getting their physicals until the second week after school starts. That's not altogether bad, since they'll be able to get their flu shots at the same time.  
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
6. Make a list of the projects you plan to accomplish in the Fall after they're in school. Mine include some painting, re-grouting, and a Momvacation Day at the beach.
   
   
7. Send musical instruments in for tuning and cleaning.  Every year while we're on vacation, we send Junior's woodwind instrument in for regular maintenance.  This way, come that first band practice, he's ready to go.
   
   
8. Check school websites for deadlines. The deadline to order Diva's school supplies through the PTA is coming up. Thank goodness I checked the website! Also, Junior has packets he needs done before the first day of high school. Funny how he never mentioned those. Similarly, sports forms are usually due in sometime during the Summer.  Stay on top of this now, so you don't have a sidelined kid in the Fall.
   
   
9. Start filling out your calendar for the Fall/Winter. Putting Back-To-School nights, etc., on the schedule now means you won't forget them when things get hectic in early September. 
   
   
10. Download some free planners at http://www.productiveflourishing.com/free-planners. This site lists all kinds of planners including ones to help you blog, monthly planners, productivity jumpstarters, etc. They can help you with all kinds of projects.
    
    
    Summer is moving all too quickly! Continue to make memories now and plan for the upcoming months. Parenting is hectic enough – get ahead of the game NOW! 

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