How Was Your First Day Of School Without Kids?

 

Last night, the one before the kids went back to school, my husband asked, “Is this like Christmas Eve for you?” He's referring to the fact that I recently wrote about how I am DONE with Summer Vacation (to visit that post on Jersey Moms Blog, click here). I love my children, but I need to get stuff done without hearing, “MOM!” every time I sit down to do something.

No, last night was not like Christmas Eve. As anyone with school-age children knows, there's a lot of prep work to get kids ready for their first day. There are lunches to pack, snacks to prepare, forms which need to be filled out and placed in backpacks, supplies to send, etc. And, of course, Junior, who is starting high school, realized at the 11^th hour that he needed to get his 3-ring binder in order. Then I needed to make sure both kids were showered and had their clothes ready for the early-morning wake-up call.

After all that was done and everyone, including hubby, was asleep, I could not. Like a movie, every time I closed my eyes, I saw my kids, at various ages, flash before my eyes. I watched my son, who every day gets closer to leaving the nest, progress from kindergarten up to 9^th grade. I saw my daughter standing on the blacktop as Junior stood in line for first grade. Then I viewed her progress through pre-school up to 3^rd grade. Like an hourglass, I could feel the sands of time slipping through my fingers.

As I went downstairs to escape the movie playing in my head, I felt guilty. I've done quite a bit of complaining about the kids this Summer. I've played social director, taxi, maid, referee, tour guide, laundress, and many other roles throughout the hot months. I've honestly tried to give them a good vacation, despite their reluctance to go anywhere that would take them away from either a computer or television screen. I reviewed schoolwork with Lily (who has asked that she not be called Diva in any of my blogs anymore) to keep her sharp and encouraged Junior to keep up with his clarinet playing. And I did all that while trying to stay within our budget. Still, since my husband works late and I'm essentially a single mom during the week, I was stretched to my limit. I yelled waaaay too much, explaining to the kids how frustrated I was. As good as I was, I feel I could have been better. Wracked with so many thoughts, sleep did not come for more than 2 hours.

After getting them to school this morning, I thought I would miss them, but was so busy during the day that I barely did. People often wonder what I do during the day with both kids in school. Plenty! My house has many, many projects I could not do with kids underfoot. It, along with my sadly-neglected car, needs a thorough cleaning. Closets need to be organized, toys must be purged, the garage needs organizing, I'm woefully behind with scrapbooking, and there's so much writing to do since I write for four blogs.

Today, after they came home, there was a mountain of paperwork to be signed and initialed. Lily has gymnastics, dinner has to be made, and things made ready for the morning. Of course, Junior just handed me a list of supplies he needs by tomorrow, so I've got to figure out which store I'll visit tonight that won't have me waiting on line at the register for more than an hour.

 

Last night lacked the anticipation of Christmas Eve. But it did hold religious meaning. I am eternally grateful to The Almighty for giving me these children, these miraculous human beings who make my life so rich and drive me crazy in the process. They make me happy in ways I never could have imagined. Now, their growing gives me time to get things done I could not while they were here.

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Thanks for reading!   

5 Ways To Savor The Last Weeks Of Summer

Suck it up, Kids.  You're going!

As yet another Summer winds down, I'm in a last-minute dash to get some of my “Must-Dos” off my list. It's not going to be easy this week because Junior is down with a fever, but here's what's on my list and what you might want to do for the next two weeks before school starts:

1. Drag the kids to the pool as much as possible. Inevitably, the cool weather we're now having in the Northeast will subside and hot-hot weather will come back to this area, ironically enough, just as the town pool closes. Sure, the kids claim they're all “pooled out,” but once they see that “Closed For The Season” sign, they'll be wishing they'd gone more often.
   
   
2. See as many out-of-town friends as possible. Those are the people we won't be running into at the grocery store or local functions and we may not see them for quite a while once school begins.  Now is the time to have them visit.
   
   
    
   
   
    
3. Get the maximum use out of sandals, flip-flops and shorts. They won't be fitting the kids next year.
   
   
4. Sit out in the backyard and savor these warm evenings. It's already getting darker earlier in the evening and once school starts, there won't be any time to enjoy the lawn chairs and leaf-free grass. Do it now before you wind up packing the cushions and umbrella in for the Fall.
   
   
5. Greedily bite into the fruits of summer while they're still local. Watermelon, peaches, cherries, cantaloupe are especially delicious this season. Sure, I can get them “imported from Chile,” but why wait when they're harvested nearby?
   
   
    

The leaves are just beginning to turn colors and soon the pool bag will be put away and the backpacks taken out. Schedules will get tight as, once again, the seasons of our lives change. It's time to “seize the moment” and grab the last bits of Summer while we still can!

What are you going to do to savor the last moments of Summer? I'd really like to know! 

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Thanks for reading!  Enjoy the day!  

Traveling By Air? Here Are A Few Dos & Don'ts

We just returned from a 10-day vacation to the West Coast. Unlike previous trips where the bulk of my prep efforts involved packing the kids, this time, I left much of their packing up to them. THEY were accountable for what they did and, more importantly, did NOT bring. Thus, no goggles in the pool? Their problem, not mine! A favorite top not packed? Not my concern. That one, simple edict freed up my time to think about other things, namely items that could make our lives easier and more pleasant while we were away. The challenge, of course, was finding stuff that would fit into our carry-on luggage since we do not check bags (too cumbersome and expensive).

Here is my list of Dos and Don'ts for future air travel:

Do bring...

...collapsible water bottles. These bottles (see the photo above), which I picked up at 5 Below for $5 each, meant that as soon as we cleared Security, we could fill up and have water on the plane. It saved us quite a bit of money since water in the airport is expensive! The ones we had came with a little hook which you could hook to your belt or purse, but more importantly, we hooked them over the side of the little pouch on the seat in front of us (the one that holds the SkyMiles magazine), so we didn't have to hold them and couldn't lose them.

...inflatable boogie boards. Last year, my kids were upset that they had nothing to play with in the ocean. Carrying Styrofoam boards on a plane was out of the question and paying $12 each at the beach was not happening. The ones I bought, again at 5 Below, were great because we used the bike pump at our hotel to blow the boards up and the kids boogie boarded not only in the ocean, but in the hotel's pool. The only problem was that they didn't come with elastic to strap from the board to the rider's hand. My son kept a death grip on his while surfing. Next year, I'll bring some elastic cord so we don't have that problem. 

Inflatable boogie board

...lots of Ziploc bags in various sizes. We used gallon-size bags to protect electronics while on the beach, to store medications, hold hair supplies, ice for our cooler (see below), etc. The extra large bags held our clothes and by compressing them, gave us a lot of extra room in each travel bag. 

...a collapsible cooler. I put this in my son's luggage, since he packs the least amount of clothes (don't ask). The cooler was wonderful because every day we'd pack some ice in a Ziploc bag (when the ice melted, we had more drinking water), add our filled water bottles, threw in some fruit, and stuck the cooler in the rental car. We always had cold provisions, even on the hottest days.

 

 ...bagel chips as a snack. These held up really nicely along with granola, protein bars (an essential for the Teen), and apples. 

Do NOT bring...

...muffins on the plane. They're way too crumbly and didn't hold up well at all. By the time we arrived in the West, we had a Ziploc bag of crumbs. Granted, it was fun to squish the crumbs and make one big muffin which the kids then, of course, thought was too icky to eat.

...Pillow Pets or their cheap knock-offs. Bunny dropped to the floor several times and was too gross to use as a pillow, even after I Lysoled it. Bunny is now in the garage, with luggage, waiting to be washed.

Overall, I was proud of my packing on this trip. The items above helped us a lot and made the trip more pleasant for the kids. And, as any parent knows, when the kids are happy, EVERYONE is happy!

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Thanks for reading!  Please join me again, won't you?  

Travel Anxiety – 8 Ways To Help Your Child Deal With Going Away

 

 

A psychologist friend and I were talking about how her Summer is going. “I'm seeing a lot of kids with Travel Anxiety,” she said. Apparently, some kids get nervous about going on family vacations, even though the prospect is exciting and promises a fun time. It makes sense. Children may react to change and that includes leaving familiar surroundings to find adventure elsewhere. And even though his/her loved ones will be there, the process of traveling, whether by land or by sea, may prove stressful. So with plenty of Summer still ahead, how can you lessen Travel Anxiety in your child?

1. Get your kid involved in the vacation planning. If possible, allow them a voice in the destination. If that's not feasible, give them some say in the itinerary of things you'll do while you're away. Having some control over what they'll be doing, perhaps something as simple as going to a park with swings, etc., may help with the powerlessness they feel by the prospect of leaving their familiar environment. 
   
   
2. If you're going to a hotel, show them photos on the hotel's website of what their room might look like. Seeing where they're going to be so they can picture themselves in a new place can help lessen nervousness.  
   
   
    
   
   
3. Let them vent and help the child problem solve. Discuss with them what they might be afraid of. You can reassure them that, yes, there are bathrooms on the plane and that there are, in fact, french fries aplenty in South Dakota. If they want to take a stuffed animal on vacation, let them, although you may need to stipulate how large the animal can be. 
   
   
4. Build physical activities into your vacation and let your child know that you'll be doing them. Walking, bike riding, hiking, and playing ball on the beach are all great tension-reducing things that will benefit your child mentally, as well as physically. 
   
   
    
5. Give your child some stress-busting tools. Positive self-talk, for example,  mentally repeating a phrase such as “I'm a big kid, I'm can do this, and I am calm,” while breathing deeply may help. And speaking of breathing, one technique Diva and I use is called Visualize The Flower. We picture a rose, which can be any color, slowly opening. We breathe deep as we describe to each other what the flower looks like (my daughter favors a tie-die rose), how it's unfolding, and what it smells like (sometimes cotton candy is the fragrance). The breathing bonds and calms us both down; it's especially good for when you're stuck in traffic or when the plane is taking off.
   
   
6. Reward your child for being brave.  I go to our local dollar store and stock up on trinkets to reinforce good behavior.
   
   
    
   
   
7. Make sure your child stays hydrated and sticks to normal bedtime routines. Being tired and thirsty only contributes to stress. 
   
   
8. Remind them that once vacation ends, they'll be back in their own warm, comfy bed with stories to tell their friends.

Vacations are fun, but they can be unnerving, especially for children who are powerless over routines and destinations. Yes, you're busy packing and organizing, but helping your child deal with Travel Anxiety ahead of time will help everyone have a better time.

Oh, and Travel Anxiety isn't limited to kids.  If you, personally, have Trip Anxiety, click on this article  for some great tips on how to deal with travel.

8 Ways To Make Your Theme Park Visit More Fun

 

Every year we make a pilgrimage to Hersheypark, the theme park in Hershey, Pennsylvania that really serves as a living advertisement for the Hershey Company. We've been doing it since my son was little and a he's kind of grown up there, passing through each of the height categories which they mark with a product line. He's gone from a Miniature (kids under 36”) to a Jolly Rancher (people who are 60” plus) in the blink of an eye. But we've also gone to plenty of other theme parks, including a few Six Flags, Knobels, and many owned by Disney. 

Over the years, we've developed some “coping strategies” to make theme park visits more pleasant and definitely more affordable. Here are some:

1. Be prepared – Check the park's website for information on how to pay (one park we visited did not take credit cards and we had to run into the nearest town to find an ATM). Find out if there are discount tickets available and figure out which best fit the needs of your family. Hershey offers a Sunset Pass which allows you to enter the park the evening before and enjoy the next day at a bargain price. Whereas this wasn't prudent when my kids were little and had earlier bedtimes, it's great for now when they're older. It means we get more time in the park resulting in less rushing around to see everything.
2. Find out if you can bring in food/water – Yes, this is part of “be prepared” but it's also a money-saving tip. Water costs a lot in these parks, so if you can' bring it in, enter with an empty water bottle and plan on filling up at water fountains or in the bathroom where you can often find the coldest water. Also, in hot weather, many parks are required by law to give you ice when you ask for it. You can hydrate on ice cold water at a fraction of the cost. Similarly, bringing in protein bars and fruit not only saves money, but calories.
3. Plan when to go – Weekends tend to be busier. Cloudy days and weekdays tend to be less busy. Find out if there are any giveaways or special events planned. Those will make the park more congested as well.
4. Buy park souvenirs outside the park – We've found t-shirts and other items with the park's name on them, for a fraction of the cost, at a local Walmart and other retailers.
5. Do recon on the park and develope a strategy – Grab a map of the park, hopefully before your trip, and decide which rides are musts; then head to those first when you enter. By doing that, you'll avoid disappointment when the rides get super long, when the kids get cranky, or if inclement weather hits. If possible, make an itinerary. We always hit the attractions furthest from the entrance, so while most people are meandering through the park toward the back, we're working out way forward, thus avoiding the crowds. Know where shelter is (perhaps in a theater or arcade) and what might be air conditioned. On hot days, knowing where to find cool air will save you.
6. Pack a waterproof bag or backpack – You'll be living in your bag while you're at the park, so make sure it's durable and preferably waterproof. Stock it with hand sanitizer, cheap plastic ponchos, a first aid kit in a Ziploc bag, and sunscreen. Pack extra Ziploc bags to put electronics in to protect them from water rides, spills, or rain.
7. Take pictures of your kids when they first enter the park – In case you get separated, you'll be able to show people what your children look like and what they were last wearing.
8. Take breaks – Your visit isn't a race, it's an experience. Take into account that little feet need to rest. Don't rush the day; savor it.

Yep. We're headed to Hersheypark next month, as we have for the last decade.  The one year we didn't go, the kids missed it terribly and it was then that I realized how much they looked forward to it and how the pilgrimage had become an important part of their childhood memories.  Coping strategies won't entirely eliminate the stress of going, but will minimize it, allowing all of us to enjoy a rare day together, as as family. 

 

6 Rules To Help The Teen & I This Summer

The loves of my life!

 As Summer Vacation begins next week, my thoughts are turning, ironically, to rules. Although my 13-year old son will be spending his mornings working as a Counselor-In-Training at our town's day camp, much of the rest of his days will be spent with his buddies. Sure, they'll spend a bit of time here and at their houses, but a good portion of his Summer will be spent out...in the wilds of our town...away from me....his mommy (Sob! Sob!). For my sanity, and his safety, he and I have agreed to the following Summer Rules:

1. He must tell me where he's going and check in with me periodically. No “walking the town” or hanging at the 7-Eleven. I should know his route, method of travel (on foot or bike), and destination.  Fortunately, Junior is really good at this.  Unfortunately, his friends can be a bit ditzy and he may get distracted. 
2. He must have his cellphone on him at all times. Said device must be ON, charged, and he's got to answer it. If I cannot reach him, with the understanding that I will not call him incessantly, I will search for him at his friends' houses and his usual hangouts. I will bring with me his loud, annoying little sister (who lives to torment him) and baby pictures of him; I will also have my hair in curlers and, possibly, cold cream on my face. In other words, if I cannot find him, I will hunt him down and embarrass the crackers out of him, all in the name of safety and love.
3. He is to pay for the bulk of his own entertainment. Last year, he expected me to be his bank account. Sure, I'll give him some money, but the bulk of his excursions will be funded by him. Now, dear Reader, before you feel sorry for the boy, I will tell you that the kid made a good amount of money umpiring for our local Little League and pulled in more income than I, his freelancer Mother, made all year. He can afford to bankroll his Summer.
4. He is to figure out and pack whatever he needs. Water bottles, sunscreen, a swimsuit, towels – these are for him to bring. I will not be reminding him or packing a backpack.
5. His friends are welcome to come over, but there must be an “ending time” to their visits. Last year, we had several kids who came in the morning and didn't leave until well into the night, despite being told what time their parents should pick them up. I love his friends, but the shear number of those open-ended visits threw the family off.
6. If he makes future plans, I must know about them. Summertime is still, to some degree, family time and we'd like to see him, especially on the weekends.

I know the kid needs his independence and that it's normal that he's going to want to spend time with his friends. And I know that hanging with Mommy and his little sister aren't that much fun. But I'm also aware that Junior is going off to college in a mere four years and that my time with him is precious and limited. Hopefully, the rules above will give us both balance and help to make the next two months fantastic.

Good-bye school! Hello Summer Vacation!

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Thank you for reading!  Please visit my other blog, Mom's Crayon, too!

Mom's “Must-Do's” Before The Kids Get Out Of School

My Guilty Pleasure:  The Beach, ALL BY MYSELF

Now that Memorial Day has passed, my kids are giddy with the fact that school is over in just under 3 weeks. Yeah, they're dancing around with joy but, as much as I love the Summer, I'm tensing up in a panic. Only 18 days left until my solace is over, until I hear the constant whine of “What are we gonna do today?” and the incessant chatter of “Can I have a playdate? Can I have a playdate? CAN I HAVE A PLAYDATE?!” My nerves are already starting to contract.

Still, I have 18 weekdays left to get things done that I cannot get done with them or, at least, can't get done except with difficulty.


Among my “must-do's” are:

• Schedule any doctors' appointments for myself. There's no reason my kids should have to wait with me to see my doctors when I can go now and get those appointments over with.
• Do some home repairs and organizing. Ever try to paint a porch with kids around? It's great that they want to help, but sometimes “too many cooks in the kitchen” are not productive. Time to grout, paint, and organize by myself.
• Get our pool/beach stuff together. It's inevitable that I will not be able to find all of the toys, floaties, goggles, etc. that the kids will need the first day the town pool opens. It's time to look for that stuff now while I still have a functioning memory cell left.
• Make appointments for the kids' medical check-ups. Wellness visits book up fast during the summer. It's time to make them now before school starts in the Fall.
• Download and carefully read any school sports forms. Some need to be filled out by various doctors over the Summer with some deadlines for the upcoming school year taking place as early as July. This is the time to see what criteria we've met in terms of exams and shots and what we still need to address, especially since annual physicals are coming up.
• Watch whatever TV shows I want. We have one television in the house and once Summer comes, my daughter occasionally relaxes by watching her shows. Until then, I can watch all the “Love It Or List It” I want without worrying about sharing the television.
• Make a summer schedule. I did this last year and it helped tremendously! I basically sketch out the summer, including which kid is in what camp and when, when sports practices start and the week our family vacation is scheduled to take place. On the bottom of the schedule is a list of day trips I want to take with the kids – very helpful because, again, I don't expect to have many brain cells left come August.
• Come up with an informal list of which friends will be around when. Many of our friends go away for the summer and some of the kids' playmates will be at sleep-away camp. Knowing who is around when comes in handy.
• Make plans for some “Moms Only” nights when I can see my friends without kids in tow. Having something to look forward to helps me keep my sanity.
• Stock up on sunscreen. Since the effectiveness of sunscreen wanes over time, I'm seizing the moment to ditch the old stuff and replace it with new stuff. You can't be too careful.
• Clean the coolers. There's nothing worse than going to pack your cooler with ice, only to be met with a funky smell when you take the lid off. Time to get out the baking soda and vinegar and give them a good scrub.
• Visit people it might be difficult to visit with the kids. My aunt is in a nursing home and although my kids love spending time with her, once camp starts, it's harder to go and see her. I want to visit her as much as possible before our Summer hours change and life gets a bit more variable.
• Go to the beach by myself. One of my guilty pleasures is dropping my daughter off at school and then driving down to the beach and spending some time there before I come back to pick her up. Sitting by the water, alone, is like a mini-vacation that I cherish. Since my kids aren't beach people, this is the time for me to make these indulgent forays. They're my way of showing myself some love!

I love the Summer and spending time with my children, especially since my son is about to enter high school and my days with him are numbered. Getting prepared ahead of time will help me enjoy the kids more and worry about details of Summer less. I've got 18 days to prepare – I'm going to make them count!

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What do you fit in before the kids get out of school? I'd love to know!

Mom's Playing Hookey

Portable hammock chair?  Check.  Fully-charged cellphone?  Check.  Tote bag packed with sunscreen, water, protein bars, books, pens?  Check.  Purse?  Check.  I gave instructions to the kids before school:  "Do NOT go to the nurse with anything less than broken bones today.  Mom's playing hookey at the beach."


I was always fond of the ocean, but my feelings grew a few summers ago when we vacationed in Cape Cod.  The ocean breeze cooled the hot flashes that had signaled the start of menopause.  The roar of the waves distracted me from the tinnitus I've lived with most of my life and made the slight hearing loss I'd been struggling with less noticeable.  I mean, no one speaks softly at the beach.  My love became voracious this summer during a trip to San Diego, which is my idea of Heaven On Earth.  There were so many pristine beaches, each more beautiful than the last!   I stood on the shores of Torrey Pines, willing my senses to memorize every sensation. The combination of sun, surf, and sand was intensely cleansing.  Leaving California was painful.

Unfortunately, my children do not share my love of the beach.  They tolerate it at best.  Although they love each other, thrown together, without video screens to distract them, my kids spend much of the time at the Shore fighting.  My husband, who enjoys the beach, though not as much as I do, tries to distract the kids, but it's no use.  It's no fun.

So when school started, I announced that I was going to take at least one day a month to see the ocean.  The much-maligned Jersey Shore is about 90 minutes from my house, too far for my taste, but close enough to make it back in time to pick up my daughter.  Crowded and obscenely expensive during the summer, it becomes quiet is free in the off-season.  Parts of it are breathtakingly beautiful, depending on how far from the New York area you want to go.  The place I go has a new pavilion, rebuilt after Hurricane Sandy, with clean bathrooms and street parking.  It's frequented by older people and mothers carrying toddlers, so there are just enough people around in case anything was to happen but not enough to mess with serenity.

Peace is mine there.  Most often, I sit on a chair at the pavilion and read or write.  Then I take off my shoes and schlep my bag to the edge of the water.  Sometimes I wade in, the waves licking at the bottom of my capris.  Then I sit...and remember other times when I've been at the ocean.  We went to Ocean City, Maryland for a few summers when my son was little.  There, I gazed at the ocean and dreamed of the baby girl we were adopting, so far away, across the water, in China.  I remembered, when I was single, the many cruises I took, by myself, not to meet anyone but just to experience the vastness of the ocean.  I remember other trips I've taken and beaches I've been on in Hawaii, Florida, Singapore, Italy, England, and Jamaica.   I smile, thinking of my honeymoon in St. Thomas in the U.S. Virgin Islands; my husband and I lieing in a hammock, looking out at the ocean, and planning our future together..

It's good that the kids don't like the ocean.  It's MY space, one the kids at present cannot appreciate.  With only a simple tote bag as luggage, my day is a mini-vacation, the ocean a retreat.  Playing hookey there is like medication for my soul, soothing it and making me a calmer mother and a better person.  It is my gift to myself.