6 Ways To Celebrate Gotcha (or Family) Day

Nine years ago this week, I met my daughter for the first time when her dad brought her back from China (read our story here).

One of these girls is my daughter!!!

 

The day adoptive parents meet their new family members is often called Gotcha Day.

It's a celebration of a long journey that ended in love for all. Since my husband brought Lily home from China, we actually don't celebrate the day he met her; rather, we celebrate Family Day. That's the day my son and I met Lily for the first time at Newark Airport and it's the day our family came together for the first time. 

Whatever you call it, here are

6 Ways To Celebrate Gotcha (or Family) Day

 

My darling daughter

1. Go out for a special meal. We have our “usual” Chinese restaurant, but for Family Day, we go to the “fancier” one where you dress up and sit down.
   
   
2. Look at photographs. We have lots of photos of Lily when she was in China. It's wonderful to reminisce with her about her journey here and how long and hard the wait was for all of us.  Also, I tell her how VERY MUCH she was wanted and how she was in my heart long before I met her.
   
   
3. Talk about how many ways there are to become a family and how families come in all shapes and sizes.   I love the book We Belong Together by Todd Parr; even though it's for little kids, it's so full of love!  We'll be reading it this week.  (For more of my favorite books on adoption, click here.)
   
   
4. Spend some special alone time with your child, especially if there are siblings involved. Going for a simple walk, with the cellphone turned off, is a great way to reinforce the bond with your child.
   
   
5. Write letters to each other. Letters are a great way to celebrate. You can write them now and open them in 5 or 10 years.
   
   
6. Talk about family traditions and how the child's presence had an influence on them. Each family forms its own traditions and the addition of a family member offers the opportunity to create new ones.  For example, we never celebrated the Chinese New Year until my daughter came into the family. 

Lily (whom I used to call Diva in my blog until she asked that I change it) has been one of the greatest blessings of my life; the other blessing is her brother. I couldn't ever foresee myself adopting and now, I can't imagine my life without her!

If adoption has touched your family and you're looking for ways to celebrate Gotcha Day or Family Day, give the suggestions above a try. 

Just Another Reason NOT To Post Photos Of Your Kids On Social Media

I've written before on The Geek Parent (where this article first appeared)  about how parents should never post pictures of their kids on Facebook (read that article here and The Washington Post also has this great article on why this should be on your social media list of “no-nos"). But it goes further than just Facebook. Another issue, this time shedding light on Instagram, has been discovered:

THE PRACTICE OF ROLE-PLAYING WITH PHOTOS OF CHILDREN THAT ARE STOLEN FROM SOCIAL MEDIA SITES

Here's how it works:

Social media users, many of them teenage girls, steal images of babies and kids off the Internet (primarily off Instagram), give the children new names and claim that the kids are theirs. Others comment on the photo as the new “parent” gives details of the child's life with some obsessing over breast-feeding and potty training. Individuals even pretend to be virtual adoption agencies where prospective “parents” can request babies and kids they'd like to adopt (for example, “I'm looking for a little 5-year boy, with olive skin who is of slight build and is feisty.”). The fake adoption agency then finds the person a photo, without the permission of the child's real parents.

SOME DEVIANT ROLE-PLAYERS INDULGE IN FANTASIES ABOUT PHYSICAL AND SEXUAL ABUSE

Sure, many of the comments on the photos are innocuous (“Aww, how cute!”), however, some of the role-players are downright disturbing. The website EssentialBaby.com reported that one Canadian mother found pictures of her baby in a role-playing game and comments were about how the child looked “ugly and disabled.” It gets worse. Some deviant role-players indulge in fantasies about physical and sexual abuse.

So think your photos are safe because of your security settings? Think again. Most IT security people agree that there's only one way to truly ensure that your Internet content stays safe: don't put it out there in the the first place!

THE ONLY WAY TO MAKE SURE YOUR PHOTOS ARE SAFE IS TO NOT UPLOAD THEM TO THE INTERNET IN THE FIRST PLACE

To read more about the practice of role-playing with stolen baby photos, read this article from FastCompany.com which also gives Instagram's response to this truly creepy practice.

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Note:  The Geek Parent's Editor, Kat Mahoney, left a fascinating comment to my article:

"On a side note, there are also safer ways you can post photos of your children without feeling like the whole world is watching. First and foremost is that you can have a private account, which does not allow any followers or viewers unless you approve. This is for any social media network. I have many friends in the security industry that work at Microsoft and if someone is smart enough to hack into your account via private settings, they aren’t interested in your children, they are more interested in bank accounts, loans, and credit fraud. Also, it is wise to talk to your kids about social media and posting photos. For instance, I have control of my kids accounts and they are not public. They share it amongst their friends. - All in all, it is wise to be safe, but you can’t stop your kids from socializing forever in this new generation and the best way is to teach them and to teach them is to talk to them and lead by example. If a parent can’t do that, then their kids will, if they are not already, smarter than them in the coming technological era."

She brings up some interesting points, however, I can't imagine how truly violated and ashamed I'd feel if someone stole my kids' photos and used them for deviant purposes.  I would guess that my children, too, would feel disgusted and embarrassed by those pics as well.  Granted, you can't fully control how others will use photos of your children, but if I can do anything to grant my kids some photographic privacy (never mind that I blog about them without using their real names), I will take those measures even if it means that friends and family can't see those photos online.  

Parents, obviously, the choice is yours.

Thank you for reading!

I Am Having SOOO MUCH FUN Donating A Photo!

Do you take at least one photo a day with your cellphone? I do. And it may be of stupid stuff – a reflection in the pool, my cat, or a flower along the highway. Now those random photos can do good thanks to a free app available in the Play Store called DonateAPhoto. I recently reviewed the app for The Geek Parent (the link is here) and I'm having a blast with it!

Basically, you snap a photo every day and donate it through the app. For every pic you share,

Johnson & Johnson gives $1 to the cause you choose to help from a preselected list. Each cause receives a minimum donation and appears in the app until its donation period ends or its goal is reached. Here's why it's a great app for parents:

You know all those pictures the kids have brought home from school? And all those projects they either do around the house or acquire from not only school, but parties, etc.? Photograph them and upload them to Donate A Photo! Instead of those pieces just sitting around the house, they'll benefit a charity and become part of The Donate A Photo gallery where your kids and their friends can look them up. (You'll feel less guilty, too, when you finally get rid of those pictures and projects.)

J&J claims the pictures will never be used to sell any products or for any commercial purposes.  I'm not sure if I believe them, but the photos I upload are so harmless, I'm not worried if they do use them.  And you can look up which photos you've donated and which charities you've chosen for them to benefit. You can also Tweet about your pics and share them with friends on Facebook. Note that this app is not intended for kids under 13.

I am having LOTS of fun just figuring out what I'll take a picture of on any given day and choosing which charity will benefit (my name on the site is IsItHotInHere should you run across any I've taken). So far I've donated four photos of my kids' artwork, one of our cat, and one of our town pool. I choose innocuous subjects and, obviously, not photos of my kids (I am STRONGLY against posting recognizable pictures of my children). 

This photo of Cosy helped the Children's Miracle Network Hospitals

As parents, we're pretty quick with the cellphone camera. Why not put that camera to good use by donating a photo? As far as I can tell, it's a no-brainer.

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Thank you for reading! Please visit me on The Geek Parent (www.thegeekparent.com), on my other blog, Moms Crayon (http://momscrayon.blogspot.com), and on Jersey Mom's Blog (www.jerseymomsblog.com) where I'm listed under Moms Crayon. 

Travel Anxiety – 8 Ways To Help Your Child Deal With Going Away

 

 

A psychologist friend and I were talking about how her Summer is going. “I'm seeing a lot of kids with Travel Anxiety,” she said. Apparently, some kids get nervous about going on family vacations, even though the prospect is exciting and promises a fun time. It makes sense. Children may react to change and that includes leaving familiar surroundings to find adventure elsewhere. And even though his/her loved ones will be there, the process of traveling, whether by land or by sea, may prove stressful. So with plenty of Summer still ahead, how can you lessen Travel Anxiety in your child?

1. Get your kid involved in the vacation planning. If possible, allow them a voice in the destination. If that's not feasible, give them some say in the itinerary of things you'll do while you're away. Having some control over what they'll be doing, perhaps something as simple as going to a park with swings, etc., may help with the powerlessness they feel by the prospect of leaving their familiar environment. 
   
   
2. If you're going to a hotel, show them photos on the hotel's website of what their room might look like. Seeing where they're going to be so they can picture themselves in a new place can help lessen nervousness.  
   
   
    
   
   
3. Let them vent and help the child problem solve. Discuss with them what they might be afraid of. You can reassure them that, yes, there are bathrooms on the plane and that there are, in fact, french fries aplenty in South Dakota. If they want to take a stuffed animal on vacation, let them, although you may need to stipulate how large the animal can be. 
   
   
4. Build physical activities into your vacation and let your child know that you'll be doing them. Walking, bike riding, hiking, and playing ball on the beach are all great tension-reducing things that will benefit your child mentally, as well as physically. 
   
   
    
5. Give your child some stress-busting tools. Positive self-talk, for example,  mentally repeating a phrase such as “I'm a big kid, I'm can do this, and I am calm,” while breathing deeply may help. And speaking of breathing, one technique Diva and I use is called Visualize The Flower. We picture a rose, which can be any color, slowly opening. We breathe deep as we describe to each other what the flower looks like (my daughter favors a tie-die rose), how it's unfolding, and what it smells like (sometimes cotton candy is the fragrance). The breathing bonds and calms us both down; it's especially good for when you're stuck in traffic or when the plane is taking off.
   
   
6. Reward your child for being brave.  I go to our local dollar store and stock up on trinkets to reinforce good behavior.
   
   
    
   
   
7. Make sure your child stays hydrated and sticks to normal bedtime routines. Being tired and thirsty only contributes to stress. 
   
   
8. Remind them that once vacation ends, they'll be back in their own warm, comfy bed with stories to tell their friends.

Vacations are fun, but they can be unnerving, especially for children who are powerless over routines and destinations. Yes, you're busy packing and organizing, but helping your child deal with Travel Anxiety ahead of time will help everyone have a better time.

Oh, and Travel Anxiety isn't limited to kids.  If you, personally, have Trip Anxiety, click on this article  for some great tips on how to deal with travel.