Despite the cool air blowing through an open window and the fact that I am, after all, eating ice cream, my internal temperature is rising. It's the heat of a fever without being sick. I grab an issue of Sports Illustrated For Kids and start fanning myself. Is it hot in here? Nope. Just another hot flash.
Diva is now pissed because I'm distracting her from another scintillating bite of Disney dialogue. My son's voice cuts in with phrases like "do you have any more diamonds" and "I love horses", terms which form the basis of the teen's vocabulary (glad we live in a top school district). The noise level is deafening.
Finally I snap. "LOWER THE VOLUME!" I yell to Junior. "LOWER THE TV!" I shout to Diva. "Lower the heat!" I silently scream to my hormones.
This is why my husband is afraid to come home at night.
I gave birth to my son when I was 40. My daughter was born 5 years later. Motherhood and middle age are fused together into My Life. While the 40s were supposedly "fabulous," my 50s have their own name: "the FU 50s" called that because I no longer have the tolerance for BS that I once had. I don't want to play blacktop acceptance games and I don't really care who likes me and who doesn't. It doesn't mean I'm nasty or cruel, just honest and I can give of myself because I want to, not because I have to. Plus, I read that as you get older, the part of your brain that censors speech goes, so it might be that, too. It's quite freeing, actually. This blog is intended as a way of sharing my journey through menopause and motherhood.
Since it's a "no BS" zone, I'll also be writing reviews of products, places, and websites. I began writing reviews on Trip Advisor years ago because I loved reading them and found the tips people gave really helpful. In fact, I've earned my Senior Advisor badge, or whatever it's called, because I've written so reviews. I'd give you my Trip Advisor name, but my reviews are so honest, that I'm sure I'd generate a ton of email. For example, one recent review called a nearby beach "A Litter Box." Hey - I saw human poop - in the sand. That's a friggin' litter box.
My reviews/tips are based on my personal experience, they are my opinions, and should be treated as such. They contain as much credibility as you, the reader, believe I have.
I'm also a Tip-A-Holic, so I'll be disseminating some of those. Why do something the hard way when there's an easier, more efficient way to do it? Please share yours, too. Sharing is how we learn.
Ok, so here's my first Product Review (drumroll, please):
Edy's Slow-Churned Chocolate Chip Ice Cream
I'm not a fan of dark chocolate, which I think the chips in this are, but I do like a hint of it. This flavor punctuates the creaminess of the vanilla with the bite of chocolate. The calorie count is 120 per 1/2 cup (BS - like you're going to stop at that) with only 40 calories from fat.
Ok, so if I'm reaching for ice cream, I'm not really counting calories. This stuff is just plain GOOD. It's MY favorite (not the kids') but I let them have some, which is how I cut the calories.
The Drumstick flavor, shown above, isn't nearly as good as the Chocolate Chip, so I'm going to have to get my ample butt off the couch to find the good stuff.
Tip: Put it in a bowl so you don't find yourself shoveling it into your mouth. You will, but at least you'll be burning calories getting up to walk to the freezer.
Here's a Bonus Review:
Now, having eaten so much ice cream, as well as other crap, I was once 200 plus pounds. I finally got tired of being an embarrassment to my children and coming close to having a heart attack every night when I climbed the stairs, so I took a lot of the weight off, not by dancing around Weight Watchers, which I had for years, but by following The Bead Diet (http://www.accuweight.com).
I needed to do something drastic, which this diet is. Here's the gist: It's based on acupressure points, so they glue little ball bearings on the back of your ears which you're supposed to rub every two hours to stop your body from being hungry. And you're only eating between the hours of noon and 6pm. For two days, you're not really eating anything but only drinking whole milk. The other two days you're eating limited quantities of fruits and veggies. Yeah. Not fun, but it works - FAST! I took off 60 pounds in 4 months and have kept most of it off two years later.
Before anyone lectures me on how dangerous/stupid/terrible it is, let me say that so is being overweight. After I lost the poundage, I went to my doctor for my physical and he said, "Well, it's not how I would have chosen for you to lose the weight, but you're better off for having lost it."
Here are my caveats about the Bead Diet:
1) It will turn you into a raving bitch while you're on it. People will not want to go near you and it will be difficult for you to go out to eat. However, the weight comes off so fast that you'll be back at the salad bars in no time.
2) It's expensive. I could be wrong, but it's like $50 every 9 days because it's based on acupressure points that shift periodically, so you have to go back to have the beads taken off and new ones put in a different place. They also charge for the Transition Phase, where food is added back into your diet, but the Maintenance part is free.
My opinion: if you're desperate and thinking about weight loss surgery, you might consider this first. (I think, for legal purposes, I should probably recommend that you consult with your physician before starting any diet plan.)
Thus concludes my first blog post. I hope you enjoyed it! Come back tomorrow or the day after for the next one. And THANKS FOR READING!!!