To My Teen, As You Come Of Age

In the Unitarian Universalist tradition, as with some of the major religions, there is a point in a child's life when their status changes within the organization.  Years of study, plus required Congregational and Community service, have been completed.  They are ready to be welcomed into the fold as adults.

In Unitarian Universalism, however, there is no dogma to be perpetuated.  Instead, the youth have been exposed, directly, to other religious traditions.  In 6th grade, they travel to Catholic churches, Buddhist temples, the Church Of The Latter Day Saints, and various Jewish temples; there, they hear, directly from participants, what those traditions believe.  UU kids are taught to decide FOR THEMSELVES, what truths to embrace.  And when they make their Coming Of Age, they stand before the Congregation and declare their Credo, or what they believe.  It's understood that they may have come to the conclusion that their is no Supreme Being or that the form they feel is right is different from what others believe.  It doesn't matter:  UU embraces believers and none believers alike.

Parents of new Coming Of Agers are encouraged to write a letter to their children explaining what they're proud of or disseminating "wisdom" we've accumulated.  Here is mine, written to my 14th year old when he made his Coming Of Age yesterday:


My Son,  

I knew you before anyone else. I felt your first kick, hiccup, and actually SAW your foot extend from my stomach. My voice was the first you heard as I sang to you in utero. Meeting you was the most extraordinary moment of my life. Finally – I was face-to-face with the being who had been in my tummy for 9 months!

Truth be told, Coming Of Age is no bit deal. You've been aging your whole life with each year bringing new surprises, challenges, and joys. It's been an honor being with you.

I want you to know that it's the JOURNEY through life that's important, not the destination, not even the milestones. Do your best, as I know you do. Value yourself and don't accept it when others try to invalidate the miracle that you are. Understand that you will make mistakes, have regrets, and learn from them. They're supposed to happen.

Don't be so hard on yourself. My love for you is ABSOLUTE, it is infinite.

You are THE MOST AMAZING PERSON I HAVE EVER MET. You are sweet, funny, creative, thoughtful, and so wise!

Life me, you have trouble enjoying life. We're always afraid of what's coming around the corner. What if, What if?, is always in the back of our heads. The only antidote to this that I've found is:

Be grateful. Every night, count your blessings, no matter how small and stupid. This process will help you see how lucky you are, even when life sucks.

I love you more than anyone else and I'm proud to be your mom.

Love,

Mom

~~~

Now I ask, dear reader, WHAT WOULD YOU WRITE AS YOUR CHILD COMES OF AGE?  WHAT WISDOM WOULD YOU IMPART?  

Mensch On A Bench - Another New, Commercial Holiday Tradition

“Elf-On-A-Shelf Mania” is in full swing and even though I'm already sick of the little smiling bastard, I was quite amused when I recently spotted the Jewish version of the Elf called Mensch On A Bench.

Mensch On A Bench - What a cutie!

In the Elf story, your elf sits somewhere in your house, watching your children and reporting back to Santa if the kids have been naughty or nice. If the kids touch the Elf to see if he/she is real or not, the magic leaves the elf and can only return if you sprinkle a little cinnamon beside them (source: www.elfontheshelf.com); apparently, cinnamon is like “vitamins” for the Elf and gets them back to the North Pole so they can be checked out by “North Pole E.R. Doctors” (I am NOT making this stuff up, but apparently someone does).

Both Elf-On-A-Shelf and the Mensch On A Bench watch over families, judging the behavior of the kids. 

Anyway, like Elf, the Mensch is “filled with holiday magic” and watches over children to see how they're behaving. Both have the power to affect how many presents are received. While the Elf flies back to Santa to tattle on the little ones, the Mensch stays up to watch over the menorah. If the children misbehave in his house, he will holds tightly onto the shamash candle and will not allow them any presents. However, while the Elf is untouchable, the Mensch is like a cuddly, old Jewish guy and is designed to be played with like any other doll.

The Mensch is adorable and especially popular with interfaith families who are always looking to teach old traditions while starting new ones. And the book that comes with the Mensch tells the story of Hanukkah in a heartwarming way with sweet, vivid illustrations. 

 

The problem I have with the Mensch is the “holiday magic” part. For years, I have heard predominately Jewish kids in my town taunt my children, flat out saying that their parents have told them that “Santa is just a myth that Christian parents tell their kids.” Now it seems that those same families are embracing the concept of “holiday magic” and telling their pint-sized skeptics that it's okay to believe in magical beings. If it was a “lie” before told by Christian parents, why is the Mensch a “truth” now that it's being perpetuated by some Jewish ones?   How would they feel if my kids told theirs that the Mensch isn't magic?  

Why was the concept of holiday magic a "lie" before, but it's okay now that's it's being embraced by some Jewish families?  How would they feel if my kids told theirs that the Mensch isn't magic? 

Being in an interfaith marriage and raising our children both faiths (under the umbrella of the Unitarian Universalist Church), my Jewish husband wisely bows his head and sends the kids to me for all-things Santa. He's always known that holiday magic is real and should never be tampered with. Honestly, I don't like any character, magical or not, that stands to judge whether my kids are “naughty” or “nice” - all kids are good; it is their behaviors and decisions that are wrong or right. 

Now, having said this, we do have an Elf, mainly because an old family friend gave it to us. Rather than tattling, Seymour challenges my daughter to find him every morning, a total pain for me, but my little one loves it and while Seymour does fly to Santa, it's more to check in than check up on my kids.

Will we be getting the Mensch? There's no reason to. My kids know the story and traditions associated with Chanukah. They take pride in lighting the menorah every year and are proud of their Jewish heritage. The Mensch is just another commercial way for a company to make money off the “competition” between Chanukah and Christmas. It's another example of commercialism at its worst.

Maybe, rather than naughty or nice, the question for us, as adults, should be how much are we and our families succumbing to the commercialism of the season – whether in the name of Christianity, Judaism, or anything else? Elf-On-A-Shelf? Mensch On A Bench? They're both superfluous.